Forum Discussion
Nervous and feeling vulnerable.
Well ladies. I am getting quite nervous about my coming double mastectomy due 10th Sept. Today I went in for my pre-admission appointment at St Vincent's and it has hit home that the loss of my breasts is really going to happen and not some bad dream. Eight vials of blood were taken, three are going back to Peter Mac for research which I'm happy to be involved with. Peter Mac Hospital have given so much to help me through and I like to think I can give a little back by participating in their research program.
I must say my emotions in the last two weeks have been really low. I think I've felt quite cut off from the 'protection' of constant visits to my Oncologist every three weeks (not seeing her now for 3 months). I am still going into Peter Mac every three weeks for Herceptin infusions though but I don't feel like I'm being monitored as when I was having chemo. Is this weird?
My husband Ian and I went to see one of the hospital Psychologists last Friday and I was very emotional in that session. I realised then that I felt vulnerable and lost after finishing chemo. I hated chemo but it also gave me ongoing tangible support from my medical team and I now find that's diminished somewhat. Logically I know that I can access support any time but I am not physically seeing this support. Don't know whether this makes any sense.
Ian has been my rock and anchor but he has obviously been affected by my low mood lately and he had a melt down on Sunday and cried and I then broke down as well. I think we both needed to let it all out. There are still a fair few ups and downs we will have to travel before this can be put behind us and this next 'hurdle' is just one more for us to jump I guess. We know that there will be challenges ahead physically and mentally until a new normal is found.
I know you all understand what I am going on about, just needed to share my thoughts.
Love to you all.
Janey xxx
21 Replies
- Hi C, if you ring your surgeon, the receptionist will be able to tell you you the names of the specialists he has for you. You could also ask whether they will contact you or if you need to contact them. A lot will be away for a week or two, but you need to heal first, so the holidays shouldn't impact on you at all. I had my surgery around Christmas 3 years ago, and I had to wait for holidays to pass, but there was always someone around. I came out of hospital on Christmas Day, and started treatment on January 20th. They like you to be about 3 or 4 weeks post surgery before chemo. Good luck with it all. Love Chris xx
Thanks for your reply. Yes, I have my journey kit. My husband came with me. I have the report of the test.
And yes, the surgeon has sent referrals for both chemotherapy and radiotherapy. But in my confused state I did not even ask for the names for those specialists. Now I have to wait for them to call me. Given the weekend, holiday period and my surgeon going on holidays for a week, I will just have to sit tight.
Thanks again.
I got up this morning and still find me. It felt like I just had a bad dream but the tightness on my chest made me realise it all real.
Hi all the ladies here. I feel anxious and disorientated. I just have a bilateral mastectomy last week and post surgery results with my surgeon yesterday. My surgeon said a lot but I don't think I heard much. I heard 2 tumours, one 70mm lcis and another 15mm ductal. After that everything was much blur.
I need to hear some positive stories to help me along.
C
- Yes I was like you when I first joined this network. Didn't have a clue what to do. Take care of you too.
Hi Janey, many thanks for your reply. I didn't realise I could post a query generally, this is the first time I've been on a blog thingy!! Hope all goes well for you and take care of yourself. Love, Julie xx
- You might want to post your query generally and not as a reply to this thread. You'll probably have a much wider response that way. I am so sorry that you are going through such pain on top of your diagnosis and I'm sorry I can't help you with your query. I do know that there will be other pink ladies who will respond though. I'm sending you big hugs and wish you well. Love Janey xxx
- It's good to hear from you and glad that your surgery went well. I am feeling that I'll also prefer the pain from surgery as I know that it can only get better, not the ups and downs of chemo. So I'm viewing this as a definite positive. I'm not nervous right now but no doubt I will be on Monday. Thanks for thinking of me Fleur. Take care of yourself and rest up. Love Janey xxx
- Thanks for your thoughts. You're right about it being hard to make a decision about another major hurdle when you are still going through chemo. Not being able to think clearly (chemo fog) doesn't make anything easy. Now that chemo is finished for me and the fog is clearing a bit, I know now I've made the right decision. Still it's scary and emotional and I guess there will be more days when we will cry. But that's okay I know we will pull through. Yes this network IS great for chatting and support. I don't know what I'd do without it. Good luck with the rest of your chemo and your decisions to come. Lots of love Janey xxx
I think I also have this to come in the months ahead.....still making big decisions about radiotherapy vs mastectomy etc. I sill have 1 cycle of chemo to go (will be 6 altogether). Our poor brains can only comprehend one thing at a time, so I'm finding it hard having to start thinking about surgery again before the chemo is over (have already had 2 surgeries...lumpectomy and then re-excision...margins were good but extensive LCIS). This board is great for being able to chat to people who understand! Best wishes over the next few weeks. I also find meditation and quiet time/ practicisng mindfulness helps. Ngaire
- It touches my heart to read all your replies. I'm now crying with love and not with despair. I will keep you all posting in my progress. Janey xxx
