Forum Discussion

sillysam83's avatar
sillysam83
Member
15 years ago

My little Cry

So last night I had a little cry a bit over it really. Over this part of my journey. & I know alot of u ladies out there are having a tough time too, & I know how lucky I am that I should b all clear of this disease & I'm on the road to getting my life back together & recovered so much already & now in my last little journey of reconstruction. But I'm just waiting for my next surgery - which i dont have a date on yet... find out early August. next surgery is where they take my tissue expander out & put in my silicone implant - has anyone else had a reconstruction done this way???? 

Its sooooo long and unconfomtable & last night I'd had it with my temp boob, sick of feeling this big thing on my chest, sick of not getting comfy in bed, sick of not feeling like me.... felt like i wanted to take the bloody thing off and throw it against the wall... just got so over it! Wish I could just take it on n off... I know theres worse things out there and I hate whringing when I know people are going thru chemo etc... or just getting diagnosed.... But I needed to rant! & kinda needed people to know I'm not always strong...

Also changed my profile pic so dont get confused on who I am.... lol

this is sillysam loggin off! 

10 Replies

  • Leila's avatar
    Leila
    Member
    15 years ago

     

    Silly Sam; I understand what you mean....I have just completed Chemo, waiting

    to start radio mid july....I am a bit down myself. I am a single lady and wondering

    if I will ever find love again...especially the way I look now.  I tell myself it will come

     when I am ready.  blah blah blah...so my advice...hang in there...things will get better.

  • Leila's avatar
    Leila
    Member
    15 years ago

     

    Silly Sam; I understand what you mean....I have just completed Chemo, waiting

    to start radio mid july....I am a bit down myself. I am a single lady and wondering

    if I will ever find love again...especially the way I look now.  I tell myself it will come

     when I am ready.  blah blah blah...so my advice...hang in there...things will get better.

  • sillysam83's avatar
    sillysam83
    Member
    15 years ago

    yeah i wouldnt be like omg yay more surgery, but if im terribly unhappy or if its possible i might think about it.... always have options, I've never been too body concious, never really worn low clevege tops or anything so i didnt expect feeling so body concoius now... didnt expect the feelings im having i guess.... But then we dont expect anything like this do we ?

  • louiseg's avatar
    louiseg
    Member
    15 years ago

    Hi again Sam,

    Yes sorry about the bad news - probably not what you really wanted to hear!!

    I had a TRAM reconstruction in 2003 after my first lot of BC.  I had a little podgy belly compliments of having my two boys! so I used that to make me a nice new soft breast :)  I got the bonus of a nice flat stomach and a new boob to boot so couldn't be unhappy about that LOL.  When I had breast cancer again last year, my stomach was still flat from the TRAM flap op so they couldn't do that type of reconstruction again.  This time they did a lat dorsi one with the expander.  I definitely prefer the result from the TRAM but the "look" of the new one is fine....it's just the feel of it that's weird.  I guess eventually I will get used to it but I still feel like I am lying on something hard when I lie down on that side!

    I don't know if I would go back for more surgery even if technology changed!  The new one that I have got serves its purpose and I can't see the point in changing it again in the future.  But if you are unhappy with what you end up with and have the option of a TRAM later after kids etc then I guess it gives you the option of changing....

  • sillysam83's avatar
    sillysam83
    Member
    15 years ago

    yeah my journey started in jan 2011 and hopefully i can be back at work full time getting my life back by Dec 2011... A whole yr is so true, feels like a waste really... bring on 2012!!!!!!! 

  • sillysam83's avatar
    sillysam83
    Member
    15 years ago

    Well thanx for the bad news Louise... lol... I could not do the tramflap reconstruction as I did not have enough fat, which i was kinda sad about. But the plastic surgeon did say that i could do that or some other reconstructions later in life. after i have children or something like that... I have a whole lifetime to improve my breasts lol, technology changes everyday hopefully it will change for my liking.... But thanx for the heads up i wont get my hopes up on being much better then.... Why did u have 2 different types of reconstruction? 

    But great about the fast recovery. I'll keep my sights set on that.... fast recovery, life back, would b good....

  • sillysam83's avatar
    sillysam83
    Member
    15 years ago

    I know what u mean about making u a better person & understanding things differently now. In the long run I think we are gonna b better for it... I'm just not there yet... Still enjoying the good things in life.. Went away just last week to Apollo Bay for a few nights was good to have a break... Thanx for ur reply!  

  • sillysam83's avatar
    sillysam83
    Member
    15 years ago

    Yeah I also think its good to cry and let it all out every now and then. I have great support, great husband, great parents & a great sister & great friends & everyone on here! Here is great support. The best kind at times, always someone here to talk to with a sympathetic ear that can sometimes understand a little better than the ones who love us... Thanx Nat !!!! 

  • Sorrentino-Mari's avatar
    Sorrentino-Mari
    Member
    15 years ago

    I understand how you feel, I am many times crying because I dont want to hurt my body anymore, I think in the biopsy (actually there were 3 of them), mammograph, CT and Bone scan (which added more radiation into my body) the surgery and now I need to star chemo...ohhh I need to feel like a normal young woman again, enjoying my 6 months old baby and my lovely husband, why I need to spend hours in a Hospital? But I also think this journey has made me a better person, I feel I can see other people with cancer and for first time in my life I UNDERSTAND THEM, before this happened to me I was worried about silly things, wasting my time and energy in shallow and meaningless stuff...SO, NOW DEAR ENJOY THIS PRESENT...THIS DAY...THIS MOMENT...AND YOU WILL REALISE IS NOT AS BAD AS YOU THINK!!!