Mild anxiety

Hi Janet,

I truly love your good sense of humour , it really helps . I love the bit about ...its hard to feel femenine when you're sweating like a council worker , working in the midday sun !!    Also ,...looking like a bald eagle sprouting tufts!!  hahahahah!!!   I find that lots people don't know how to handle  good sense of humour , but for those of us with it, we are very fortunate and blessed .   I have been good for the last few weeks...no sweating or hot flushes , but instead my mood swings have increased. Also my left heel is hurting something awful,to the point were I cannot walk ,  but I am not complaining, just saying *   because I know that it is the Arimidex, and soon it will go away, and move on to another part of my body...but while it is hurting, it means that I am alive and loving it !!!

It is wonderful that you are painting , swimming , gardening etc...all good !

Good luck with your last treatment on the 19th and take good care .

with all my love

Finita xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey Finita,

I think I lost some time somewhere! Where to begin! Just completed my 3rd treatment, this last one was confusing because of my temperature rising and falling so much in the early days, so different to previous treatments, still  I got through it. last one on 19 Feb.

I have been swimming in the neighbours pool, its been so hot up here. Doing chemo and hot flushes that are sooo hot make it hotter! I have lived in aircon in the middle of the day, it is starting to cool because the wet season has just started, very late!

I have been gardening of late too. I love gardening, tropical gardening is different to what I am used to but I am getting the hang of it. I have been pretty good but these last few days struggling a little bit to stay up, no reason to feel down, but I think one starts thinking of the next step and the future as you are with your up coming tests. I am yet to cross that path and not sure how I will feel either. Anxious no doubt, but can we think, why would this return? What days we have are great hey. I am not sure what a bilateral mammogram is? Will they do a ultrasound everytime including for myself as well?

To be honest, relations with my partner have changed a little. These hot flushes are more like hot waters! I hope they subside, its fairly hard to feel feminine when you're sweating like a council worker working in the midday sun!!

I have found out my ER+ is only at 10% so the hormone therapy may not be effective on me but are recommending I take anyway, I hear they keep the hot flushes coming! The side effects I have heard are not pleasant. I am 55 and feel for the younger women who aren't ready for menopause.

Try not to think about the tests, easy to say. I try to think along the lines of once treatment is over I am going to be fine and when I have my tests I will not think too much about it just go have it done and be happy for the availability of such tests. I still think I got off relatively lightly than some cases and am grateful for that. The tumour I had was slightly aggressive but now resides in a bucket!

Great to hear from you and sorry to be reminisce on not replying sooner!

Lots of hugs to you, Janet xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I am so glad you contacted me, to tell the truth I have been internalizing too much being in my remote location I spend a lot of time alone. I have been painting again, set up a table under my verandah and doing some landscapes. Time spent in hospital I did some small watercolors and on my last treatment I took my paints with me to pass the time. I just need my mood to lift again! I guess I am conscious of how I look, like a bald eagle sprouting tufts!

Hi Janet, How are you , it has been a while since our last contact. how is your treatment going ??  I hope that all is going as well as can be expected .

I saw my oncologist last Monday week, and I will be having my bilateral mammogram/ultrasounds and bonedensity tests done 3rd of March., and one cannot help but feeling anxious, nervous and that inner fear that doesn't lety ou sleep. Still, I am trying to keep busy and not think about it, and painting is helping as well as gardening and walking.

Janet , do let me know how you are doing ,

a big hug , with all my love,

finita xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Janet,

what a darling your hairdresser, and I am happy that you feel cooler . I am also happy that you are starting tomorrow and that is great...no more waiting !!

We will get to see each others paintings in the future... it will be wonderful. 

Never let go of your positive way of thinking  !!!

take care

with all my love

Finita xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Finita,

The chemo nurses called me yesterday, they had a cancellation I start on Thursday!  I called my hairdresser and cut off my hair! It was actually fun to do plus its so hot up here it feels cooler! I think my hairdresser was a bit upset and didn't want to charge me, she is the best.

I'm nervous about tomorrow I won't lie, reading too much about side affects i think. Thanks for your reply your advice is valuable and will refer to it. I will try and stay motivated with my drawing and writing. I would love to see your cottage,  how funny hey. I have strangely found things falling neatly into place like all this is meant to happen for some bizarre reason. I can only feel i will be fine. 

Maybe we can look at each others paintings might be therapeutic for both of us?

Much love Finita, have a great day xxx

Hi Janet,

I am happy to hear form you , although I must say that I am sorry about your hair, but ,your great and positive attitude goes a long way, and you are so right...your hair will grow back !  What a beuatiful thing to do ...donating your hair . God Bless You xxxxx

Hot flushes...how horrid!!    I usually sweat like crazy and somtimes I wake up in the middle of the night soaked to my bones ... but, as we must remain positive and strong, I usually get up and change my pj's and all is better after that ...hahahah!!! 

About your drive to the cane cutter's cottage, how truly fantastic and meeting a local, and wanting to paint and write too...you are so fortunate to be so gifted...do try keeping it all up regardless of your treatment etc... there will be days when you just wont be able to, but do not despair as all will pass eventually. Chemo and Radio, will be taking its toll on your energy level, so whatever you do , don't push yourself , just do little on your worst days , and always remember to remind yourself, that it is the treatment . Try to understand it , and learn to come to tems with it all, and that should help you a great deal. I am a very energetic person, and slowing down was not my thing, but as the fatigue was forced upon me  , the sooner I understood what was happening ,the better I became at just taking one step at a time . You will understand when it starts and only you can really help yourself.

Good luck and remember that I am here for you if you should need to talk !

Take good care and all the vey best

with all my love

finita xxxxx

P:S:  I just wanted to tell you that I am also painting a country landscape with a cottage in it .  I wonder...   will it be the cutter's cottage ???  hahahaha!!

Hi Finita,

Thanks for your good wishes. Such a huge week of decisions to make. Trip to Brisbane then back to Mackay in one week for appointments with radio oncologist and medical oncologist.  I have decided to do both treatments, happy that I can do chemo here. Not totally happy about doing chemo as i thought i didn't need to initially, but they say I am young and fit. My er receptor is weak at 10% and a grade 2 tumor so i am prepared to throw everything at it. Now I am to make a decision on  cutting my hair which is long at past my waist and said by others as my crowning glory! Wish these things could just be  cut and dry and not emotional. I did call my hairdresser straight after my appointment to ask her if she would cut, she got upset! I would like to donate it for wigs so someone else can get benefit from it. I know it will grow back! 

In the meantime I await a call from the  chemo nurses to find out when i can start. I have been trying to keep myself busy and yesterday in this tropical heat and my hot flushes i forced myself out of the house and took a drive south to a beautiful little cane  cutters cottage I wanted to photograph and draw, whilst I was there the farmer stopped for a chat, I found out its history and met a nice local too. Queensland hospitality is a beautiful thing. On the way back I stopped outside the local hotel where i saw this old fella sitting outside, I asked him if I could photograph him, sitting down to chat I found out his history which was so interesting. I intend drawing and writing about him and other characters around this area, there are so many  cultures living here! I am trying to keep my treatment as part 2 of my life, my art hopefully will dominate through my treatment.  That's the plan anyway!

Hi Finita,

Thanks for your good wishes. Such a huge week of decisions to make. Trip to Brisbane then back to Mackay in one week for appointments with radio oncologist and medical oncologist.  I have decided to do both treatments, happy that I can do chemo here. Not totally happy about doing chemo as i thought i didn't need to initially, but they say I am young and fit. My er receptor is weak at 10% and a grade 2 tumor so i am prepared to throw everything at it. Now I am to make a decision on  cutting my hair which is long at past my waist and said by others as my crowning glory! Wish these things could just be  cut and dry and not emotional. I did call my hairdresser straight after my appointment to ask her if she would cut, she got upset! I would like to donate it for wigs so someone else can get benefit from it. I know it will grow back! 

In the meantime I await a call from the  chemo nurses to find out when i can start. I have been trying to keep myself busy and yesterday in this tropical heat and my hot flushes i forced myself out of the house and took a drive south to a beautiful little cane  cutters cottage I wanted to photograph and draw, whilst I was there the farmer stopped for a chat, I found out its history and met a nice local too. Queensland hospitality is a beautiful thing. On the way back I stopped outside the local hotel where i saw this old fella sitting outside, I asked him if I could photograph him, sitting down to chat I found out his history which was so interesting. I intend drawing and writing about him and other characters around this area, there are so many  cultures living here! I am trying to keep my treatment as part 2 of my life, my art hopefully will dominate through my treatment.  That's the plan anyway!

Hi Finita,

Thanks for your good wishes. Such a huge week of decisions to make. Trip to Brisbane then back to Mackay in one week for appointments with radio oncologist and medical oncologist.  I have decided to do both treatments, happy that I can do chemo here. Not totally happy about doing chemo as i thought i didn't need to initially, but they say I am young and fit. My er receptor is weak at 10% and a grade 2 tumor so i am prepared to throw everything at it. Now I am to make a decision on  cutting my hair which is long at past my waist and said by others as my crowning glory! Wish these things could just be  cut and dry and not emotional. I did call my hairdresser straight after my appointment to ask her if she would cut, she got upset! I would like to donate it for wigs so someone else can get benefit from it. I know it will grow back! 

In the meantime I await a call from the  chemo nurses to find out when i can start. I have been trying to keep myself busy and yesterday in this tropical heat and my hot flushes i forced myself out of the house and took a drive south to a beautiful little cane  cutters cottage I wanted to photograph and draw, whilst I was there the farmer stopped for a chat, I found out its history and met a nice local too. Queensland hospitality is a beautiful thing. On the way back I stopped outside the local hotel where i saw this old fella sitting outside, I asked him if I could photograph him, sitting down to chat I found out his history which was so interesting. I intend drawing and writing about him and other characters around this area, there are so many  cultures living here! I am trying to keep my treatment as part 2 of my life, my art hopefully will dominate through my treatment.  That's the plan anyway!

Hi Janet,

I hope that all is going well with you regarding appoinments and decisions on chemo etc...

take good care

with all my love

Finita xxxxxx