Hi all , I thought BC was tough , but I can say my family and I had possibly the worst 2 weeks of my life. My 20 year old daughter ended up in the Psyciatric ward, my beautiful intelligent child who showered me when I came home from hospital the one who changed my dressings , the one who told everyone what's wrong mum is not going to die! Everything for my innocent one became to much, now it's not just the BC but other things as well, but a lot of stuff about me and BC has emerged, I need to be like mum and be strong . I've now told her I hid a lot never showed my crying or weakness, but kept it to myself. The impact of things we do. My heart breaks for her but she is home now and I'm staying home with her. Taking time to re evaluate what's important I cannot cry because this emotion is so gut wrenching I don't think there are tears there. I just wanted to say watch those around you don't always be the tough warrior woman like me, sometimes it's ok to be vulnerable. Adean

Adean,I feel terribly sad reading this.You are so right though,that those around us kind of get left to deal with their own emotions as everyone is trying to look after the one with 'CANCER!!' Deanne posted on her blog a similar thing a while ago now,about the impact on family members.I am really sorry to hear about your daughter.At least now that you know all this,you can slowly share with her and care for her.Our girls are strong,andI feel sure that you will all come out the other end of this stronger and wiser:) You are so right about being vulnerable.When I was diagnosed,my husband was overseas.My precious,PRECIOUS daughter,took on the role of carer in every sense of the word.She cared for me,and she cared for our 5 foster children.She never cried,and the only time that I saw a glimpse of tears,was when I would cry and she would comfort me.Her tears would well up,but she would blink them away.We have become so much closer since my BC,and I notice that we talk and share a lot more than we ever did.I will be forever grateful to her .Take care of your daughter Adean,and you will get through this.Thinking of you.xoxRobyn

So sorry to hear about your daughter.She sounds like a beautiful soul and with you by her side,I'm sure she'll be ok.We all take turns at being vulnerable at some stage in our lives but with family love and support,we get strong again. I'm guilty of being brave in front of my kids and my mum- don't know why we do it-must be a "mother"thing.Our hearts are in the right place as we are hoping to spare them of too much grief.Blame cancer but not yourself.Hope all goes well for both of you in the coming weeks.Big hug,Tonya xx

My heart breaks for you beautiful Adean. The last time I saw you life was so different. We were all so happy and heading off to happiness. Our children are part of us so if we are who we are then they get some of that. You now have each other to share your strengths between. No one to take the whole load - just share. I shield my daughters and sisters from this disease. If I can do everything then I must be well. I will continue to do this as long as I can. Every so often it hits me in the face. I am sending you hugs, joy and anything you need lovely Adean because you deserve good. Hug your daughter as hard as you can - hugs are such healers. XLeonie

Thanks you lovely friends, your kind words are appreciated this week it's just been my daughter and me we cleaned out her room and found some hilarious books and drawings she did in prep , we laughed that hard we cried, my other daughter arrived home to think we had lost our brains but she to joined in and we were all soon cackling ourselves. My husband said its so good to hear her laugh, we must be making some progress. A positive is that she has been accepted to go to Africa next year as a volunteer in the orphanage also with uni mate, she is looking forward to that,I'm sure I will worry but I'm excited for her, it's always hard to let go. Love to you all adean xx

Impact on our families | BCNA Online Network

18 Replies

SusanF
Member
12 years ago
I hope you all pull through this, sounds like you will. My son did not want to be part of my breast cancer and my own beautiful daughter bore the brunt of it until she had to go back to work in Melbourne then my husband took over. Add to the fact they must feel this horror will happen to them too it's sometimes just too much for them. I'm worried about my daughter seeing me go thru reconstruction off for more surgery and I think she gets frightened. When I went to Melbourne to see surgeons, she only wanted to sleep in bed with me every night..she 27 and I think I'm scaring her. My husband should seek help but won't, cancer is like a house of cards, mothers and wives are the foundation, when we crack it all comes tumbling down and sometimes I can't breath for the worry of it all. I hope you and your family can move on and share any tips you have with me but don't forget you need to be cared for too xx
Mich_x
Member
12 years ago
Hey luvly Tonya

Nice to hear from you hun. Yeah been another crap year but I guess we are still here and kicking hard so that is the main thing.

I went through a whole pile of tests due to my liver but mine was liver function. I was drinking moderately but chemo onc (my luvly sweet man who is always sooooo very pleasant NOT) asked me did I drink alcohol and I said yes that I was normal like most people and he just went WELL DONT!!!! so there went one of my last pleasures in life out the window and it did make a difference on my next test so guess what no drinking for this lil black duck MOST OF THE TIME hee hee. So that is a bit crap in itself but we have to do what we have to do to stay healthy and if that means no alcohol then so be it I guess.

Wow these wonderful drugs we take to stop us from dying from BC may end up killing us in other ways as you say. Who knows what is the right thing to do. Not me that is for sure. I know the pharmaceutical industry certainly makes millions out of us poor women and all our drugs to supposedly keep us alive. A tough one.

I hope you are doing reasonably okay otherwise luvly Tonya.

Luv always, Mich xoxoxoox
TonyaM
Member
12 years ago
So sorry to hear that you've been unwell. This has been a crap year for so many people I know.I hope your scan shows nothing.I had an abdo ultrasound recently and it showed I had a fatty liver(from Tamoxifen).As my dear mum died recently from liver cancer,I'm abit worried. So no, don't think we ever stop worrying about the big"C". Sending love n hugs.Tonya xx
Mich_x
Member
12 years ago
Fanx precious Adean luv always Mich xoxo
adean
Member
12 years ago
Hope your news is good waiting waiting it never gets easier. Love and hugs . Adean
Mich_x
Member
12 years ago
Thank you Robyn for your luvly well wishes. I hope the doc gets the report from my recent test tomorrow. It has been a long weekend for us over here so more waiting. I am used to waiting these days though like we all are. I think we just continue to get on with things as best we can. I Hope u r doing okay huny. Luv always, Mich xixo
Robyn_W
Member
12 years ago
Mich,I am so sorry that you have pain.I,hope,it can be resolved quickly.I don't listen to the news either.Life is too short to be miserable isn't it? Take care Mich,and I hope things improve really soon.xoxRobyn
Mich_x
Member
12 years ago
Thankyou my beautiful Leonie. We need to try and continue to be tough don't we. I try not to think about all the horrible horrible things in this world and tend to keep to a close group of beautiful family and friends. I can't stand listening or reading news. We have enough to contend with in our own lil world. I am so lucky I have my precious daughter and granddaughter as they keep my life special. I haven't seen my other grandees for months which is my son and daughter inlaws punishment for something that happened 16 years ago. Which is so sad. Let me know how you are doing huny. Thank you for your very special wishes. We are also very lucky we have each other and all our beautiful pink sisters in our life Mich xoxo
Leonie_Moore
Member
12 years ago
My 10 foot tall and bullet proof husband now sees a Psychologist!!!!XLeonie
Leonie_Moore
Member
12 years ago
XXXXXXXXLeonie