Helpful and not so helpful
Ok. Chemo completed and most side effects gone after 2.5 months. Tamoxifen for the last 1.5 months with minimal side effects so far. Energy levels returning to normal (better than normal actually). What does this mean? Well, it means that I'm starting to reflect on my journey of the last 8 months since diagnosis and what I found help from an emotional standpoint, as well as what I found not so helpful.
Please add to the list from your own experiences in order to help others just starting on their journey. Some of these tips are also useful for friends/family of those diagnosed with BC:
Helpful
- People who listen without judgement or interruption. I found it easier to speak openly and honestly with a counsellor or psychologist as I didn't feel I had to worry about what they might think of me.
- Empathy from others i.e. people agreeing when we tell them how awful we feel (rather than 'it'll get better","at least you're alive' etc!)
- Allowing yourself not to always be strong or 'together'. A good cry does wonders.
- Be aware that stress causes an increase in your cognitive load i.e. your brain won't function too well. So enlist help in decision making (even having someone else decide what to cook for dinner helps as does having someone with you at your appointments)
- Spending all day, everyday in bed can be boring and depressing. Try to change your environment when you can and get a change of scenery. Even if it's moving from the bedroom to the living room:) or ask someone to take you for a drive or a walk just to get out of the house.
- Being around other people can help us stop being so internally focussed all the time and help us "get out of our heads".
- Meditation
- People keeping in contact with me proactively and sending words of encouragement helped me feel connected. This is especially important after the drama of surgery is over and the boring drawn out process of chemo & radiation take over.They don't need to do much, just let you know they're thinking of you.
- Celebrating small wins, like getting up to have a shower! It is a big deal :)
Unhelpful
- People telling you to be strong, to be positive. Please don't have such high expectations of me. If I want to be a blubbering mess sometimes, please let me!
- People who don't listen to your story and instead proceed to tell you about someone they know who knows someone who has cancer.
- People (including oneself) minimising the impact of the illness such as saying that breast cancer is a 'good' cancer to have, it'll be over in 4 months, at least you're alive (all said while you can't eat because your tongue is full of ulcers and can't walk because your legs are the size of tree stumps!)
- Horror stories about cancer and chemo, especially those on the internet (beware Google!)
- Putting pressure on yourself to be a 'good' patient.
I'd love to hear what other ideas you have about coping emotionally.
Cheers
