Hi Cathy. My heart goes out to you. It's such a tough time. I began chemo this time last year, my eldest's final year at school. There's never a good time to get sick but gosh, some times seem more delicate that others eh?
Try not to look at the whole mountain. Break it down. Spend the next few weeks getting organised. Get some food into the freezer, plan some fun activities with the family, keep things as normal as possible. Spend time with your friends. Keep your fitness up so you're in good nick going into treatment. Maybe ask your son to come with you on the walk/jog/swim/ride, whatever it is you like to do.
My husband works interstate a lot and wasn't around much for chemo. So my friends took in turns taking me to chemo, getting time off work. Their bosses were understanding. Have you got friends offering to help? Now is the time to say yes.
There are all sorts of apps that can help organise help during treatment. You don't want to end up with 15 lasagnes in the freezer! Or nominate your bestie to be the co-ordinator. People actively want to help but sometimes need direction. Dog walking, lawn mowing etc.
As everyone has said, we all react differently to chemo, so try not to anticipate too much. It sounds like you might be having dose dense AC maybe, followed by 10 weeks of Taxol? You'll probably feel tired and crap for a few days, and then regain some normalcy before the next infusion. The docs must think you're strong enough to handle it; it'll certainly be over and done with quicker.
Do what you can to help your eldest before treatment starts, and there's nothing to say that you can't peruse the real estate pages on your tablet while in the chemo chair! It might just be that he has to manage on his own for a bit, but it's not like you won't be there, just more as a sounding board rather than lifting and lugging. This is a time of growing independence for him. You not being on hand will teach him just how capable he is.
I found, and my sister found, that sometimes kids imaginations run away with them. You have to judge what they need to know about and what they need protecting from. It might be that your bolter would benefit from coming with you to chemo. Do you plan on having company? I didn't want any, but most people do. Friends or family. Known is far less scary than unknown. Sometimes the youngsters thive with some responsibility. If he's your designated chemo companion would that help?
I had friends drop in after work to help out, particularly when my husband was away, but only friends who the kids were used to seeing anyway. At a time of upheaval, for the kids to have the house flooded with people they don't really know isn't particularly helpful. On the other hand, they got a lot of chocolate, cake and ice cream during my chemo which they loved!
As my treatment went on it got harder for me as the side effects were broadly cumulative, and I was trying to decide what to do next, a difficult decision. I disappeared into myself a bit and forgot to communicate with the kids what was going on. So of course they worried. So try to keep the lines of communication open.
If you don't have any streaming services, Netflix and Stan for example, now can be a good time to sign up. The kids certainly like that!
If no one other than you knows how to use the washing machine etc, write out the instructions and stick them up in the laundry. Some of the independence skills my kids had to use while I had chemo they are still using now.
When I was a teenager, I'd lost one grandparent, when I was four. My womb children lost two aunts to cancer in 10 months, my niece and nephew their mother to breast cancer. 17 months later I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Do I wish they'd all lived their young lives without this torrent of cancer and death? Yes I bloody do. I wish their innocence had been preserved a bit longer. But there's nothing we can do about it. I can only hope it's made them more compassionate, empathetic and understanding human beings. That it will enable them to rise to the challenges of their lives with equanimity and fortitude. Cancer as a learning experience sucks, but it is what it is. It's never why me, always, why not me.
I don't know you and I won't presume to know how this experience will be for you. But I'll tell you that for myself, having BC and the treatment, taught me things about myself I didn't know. I feel I know myself more deeply now, and during treatment I have never felt more loved. Some of my friendships have deepened into something quite profound.
It will test you, but take each day as it comes, one at a time, and you will make it through. We've got you. K xox
