Chemo still sucks on taxol

My mum keeps telling me how well she kept going through chemo (1986), how quickly she recovered and how few problems she had. It's driving me potty. She asks me how I am, I answer (pretty generically now) and then I get ten minutes on how she just got on with it, and how she breezed through recovery. It makes me feel unacknowledged, inadequate and a failure. Bizarre how mums can still get to us, no matter how old we are!

I agree with @Primek it was different not better! and I remember by about the 5th infusion I lost the 2 days of feeling normal. I was in a world of pain from then on, I too had some episodes where I was so broken in the end I couldnt even get to my letterbox. I remember wanting to stop and give up and to be honest I didnt care from that place I was in. BUT...this is what I know...it is so incredibly healthy to acknowledge how bad it is and not for everyone, but for those who suffer badly. To know without a doubt you do get through and the only way I did in the end was a day at a time. 

I'm now 2.5yrs post Taxol and wanted to say so you know absolutely you will recover. Its been a long recovery for me but I am now back at work full time because I dont have a choice. It is tough I admit, but I now exercise a little and am active and I never thought I would be anywhere near this again. I do have lasting side effects and it is hard, so on a bad day I take panadol osteo. Ive never had pain killers through treatment or surgeries as am drug sensitive, it was cruel! 

Be super kind, one day at a time and you really will amaze yourself. Unfortunately everyone expects your last chemo is a celebration...and the end to it all. They dont realise the long recovery back, they just want you back to normal and understandable, but its not that simple. 

Hugs @sister and @Eastmum and anyone else going through it, there is no being strong or weak in any of it only who we are and thats valid! xx Melinda

Thanks @Eastmum And I look to those who have already gone through it and try to see the light at the end!

@Sister - you might not realise it but you’re such an inspiration to those of us that are following on the path behind you. While on the one hand I’m wishing I was where you are now, with the end (sort of) in sight, reading about how you’re persevering despite the difficulties, lets me know that I’ll be able to do it too. Thank you! Xxx

@primek I hope I don't get to that but I can believe it.  The first couple of weeks, I started off quite well but it's building up on me, both physically and emotionally.  But the onc says it's really important that I try to get through as much of the course as I possibly can so I'll just continue my countdown...

My comment to the oncologist was it's not better just different. The whole weekly thing got me really down. I got increasingly exhausted and had terrible body aches. My balance was affected and I was band from garden stuff after falling over in the  wood pile and had no strength to get up...my legs got really weak. I had a numbet of embarrassing /upsetting episodes if being stuck on tje ground and realising I couldn't get out of a squat. Sigh. But halfway there. ..you got this. X 

It's not as completely dreadful but not good and seems to go on forever without a break.

Oh dear - I was really hoping the taxol would be easier than the AC! Ah well - I won’t have any preconceptions - we’re all different! And it too shall end! 

Amen sista!

I do try to do things but I'm increasingly finding that they come back to bitee on the bum. So, just counting down to the end of it, now and hoping like Hell that I never have to do this again.