Cancer stole my self love :(

Hi Ladies,

hoping for some help.

I was diagnosed in Feb with Stage 2B invasive BC and since then I've had a double mastectomy and have just finished my 6th and final round of TAC Chemotherapy.

Treatment has been very tough as I'm sure all of you who've been through it can relate to, but the hardest thing for me has been looking into the mirror at my face :'(

Im in my 30's and have always been what people would describe as beautiful - I guess you could say it's my identity...I used to feel proud walking down the street, I would take pride in my appearance - in short I loved myself both inside and out.

Losing my breasts was hard, being sick from chemo was tough, and the uncertainty of the future is beyond words, but I have to say what torn me into peices more than anything has been losing my hair.

I've lost my eyebrows, my eyelashes and my mane of long blonde hair and I have to say it's been SO SO painful for a woman like me.

Ive done all the right things, did heaps of research, got a great wig and have scarves/hats etc, I even have false eyelashes I can use - I know all about make up and can do myself up to look pretty normal if I put in enough effort.

The trouble is that I no longer want to try, I have given up on myself. I look at myself in the mirror with my bald head and I don't love the person looking back at me anymore. I've fallen out of love with....well, me :(

I have a beautiful fiancé who loves me unconditionally and has been very supportive but it doesn't help how I feel about myself you know?

From someone who used to care, I just don't anymore, I've given up and I generally avoid mirrors as they make me cry.

Can anyone relate to this? People say....'ohhh your hair will grow baaaack, least it's not permanent!', it makes me so angry, it will take 5 years to be long - 5 years...and I had my wedding planned for this year but it's been postponed since my diagnosis, I can't very we'll be a bald bride, not me, I need to be my beautiful self again - I don't want cancer in my photos, even a wig would remind me. Chemo has made me put on about 10 kilos too.

Anyway I guess I'm just wondering how you rebuild back to someone you used to be proud of? It's seems like such a long road for a young woman like me - I feel so lost.

I just want to know am I alone in these feelings?