just found out at Mother’s Day lunch that my Mother in Law has told my brother and sister in law (who we are estranged from and haven’t spoken too in about 6 years) about my breast cancer diagnosis after my husband expressly told her not to cause I didn’t want them to know. I am so upset and angry, just about burst into tears at lunch - it feels like the worst thing that has happened to me since diagnosis. How could she do that?? It’s not her diagnosis to share and it is none of their business. They don’t care anyway. The thought of them knowing such an intimate detail of my life makes me feels sick. I am absolutely devastated.

Deep breaths. Some people are complete arseholes. These things do not happen by accident, it's a calculated act which tells you all you need to know about her. I'm the sort who cuts people like that out of my life, but that could be difficult if your husband is fond of her. Make a voodoo doll.

It was my Mums way of keeping control. She likes to be the one "in the know" that the family turns to because "Mum will know". Dealing with her was the worst part of my cancer experience, she actually told me off multiple times because I was saying she couldn't tell anyone, and she was telling people before I was even properly diagnosed. That was 3 years ago now, I just had a nice walk with her (and Dad) for Mothers Day. Life's too short to be angry with them. Focus on what is important at the moment, and that's you.

Hmmm.....family drama. One thing I have learnt through the years of having a very large extended family is that if you tell someone not to say anything you can bet your ass they will.There are two family members on my shit list, one brother in law and one aunt. Somewhere along the line they both found out. The aunt I especially didn't want to deal with. She had BC about 4 years ago. It didn't make her a nicer person and it didn't make me want to be her best friend when I was diagnosed. She rang and rang and face booked me and messaged me. I never replied to anything. I did find out who told her. That person was told what I thought and explained to me how the conversation had come about.After I stopped fuming about it I kind of figured that it really didn't matter. What difference did it make? This was now part of me and them knowing didn't change anything. These people are not part of my life, I still don't speak to them and I don't want to waste any of my time and energy worrying about it. I guess it was just the principle of the matter that ticked me off. Try not to stress too much about it @"Kiwi Angel" you have too much else to concentrate on at the moment.XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

ah Kiwi Angel I hear you girl my mother told my estranged brother and his then wife who is a Bitch with a capital B. her comment which my stupid mother repeated to me was I wish she dies.... needless to say I have nothing to do with them -my Brother or his ex wife, and My mother gets very limited information about my life. I hear you it hurts you have a right to angry and hurt but like the others have said it is not worth holding onto as it is something you really don't have time or energy for while going through treatment. My actions now are I don't tell my mother the things that are important to my well-being as I know she will automatically tell others who I have asked her to not to tell. Soldiercrab

I can understand not wanting to disclose to the world but I'm very much like @romla although I chose a slightly different method. I just wanted to shut myself away when I was diagnosed so I asked close friends and family to spread the word and asked for privacy. Then did the blog and sent the address out with help from those friends. I just don't have the energy or interest in juggling secrets. If anyone has an issue with my disease that is their problem - I can't deal with it. The only concession I make is head covering when I'm out of the house and a prosthesis "in public" - that is more about being sensitive to my immediate family than me caring. But that's me - everyone is entitled to their privacy.

Betrayal | BCNA Online Network

90 Replies

Finch
Member
8 years ago
Teenagers remember @kmakm are completely self obsessed. Mother's Day isn't the easiest , we all want to be shown a little appreciation, me included. As mums we are selfless , we would do anything for our children ..... they don't understand any of this until they grow up and have children of their own. I heard from one of mine and not the other :( I'd do anything for them
xxxxxxxxx
Finch
Member
8 years ago
@"Kiwi Angel" what a cow, poor you. I completely understand. These sort of things can be more upsetting than the dealing with diagnosis and treatment. I have hardly shed a tear also since diagnosis and when I have it's for similar ..... at the end of the day she's gossiping and its mean. You'll learn big things from this. Don't trust her, ever, but be careful, don't let her come between you and your husband. It's not worth it. Hugs .
.... and @SoldierCrab ... a big hug to you right now, what a disgraceful hurtful comment from an ex sister in law. There is no excuse. No matter how long ago it was said it still has an ugly gouge to it.
Xxxxxxx
Anonymous
Not applicable
8 years ago
The user and all related content has been deleted.
Kiwi_Angel
Member
8 years ago
All u ladies rock!! Thanks for hearing my hurt and being so full of advice and love. U all make me feel better xoxoxoxox
Romla
Member
8 years ago
Like many on here@Kiwi Angel I share your hurt and understand a little how you feel.Speak your pain if you think it will help you , heed this as a caution for the future but it can’t be undone and you must move on for your own sake. How you move on is very much your call .
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
@Romla I must admit to a tinge of jealousy for those mums whose families organise outings for them. I'm pretty broad ranging in my tastes, it wouldn't be hard to come up with something that we could all do together that I'd like. I think I have to stop hoping. It's a recipe for perpetual disappointment. *Sigh*
Anonymous
Not applicable
8 years ago
The user and all related content has been deleted.
Romla
Member
8 years ago
Tbh I ache for the spending of time and not money. This year I was given pink roses , a lovely card and iTunes $50 gift card from my three but they basically disappeared after it was given.It was a surprise as is usually not the case but all now have jobs and a bit of money so they did this for me.It may well be it’s the influence of technology - online gaming , streaming movies etc but communication in my household is quite low.
Kiwi_Angel
Member
8 years ago
@kmakm - amazing - perfect - so many of those apply to me xoxox
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
I saw this on IG and thought it was very good.

Forum Discussion

Betrayal

90 Replies

Recent Discussions

Crop tops

Natural & complementary therapies

Cellulitis

Happy Birthday @Arpie

Hello