Anxiety Overload

Hi Princess 

I feel for you I am fortunate to live in the big smoke but believe me one can still feel so very alone.

No matter what age at diagnosis, we all go through stress. We all are fearful when we have our annual mammogram/ultrasound no longer free because we have been diagnosed with BC, we may have side effects that others have  or our may be "atypical"

Many marriages break up because the partner just doesn't get that we have changed. that small things don't seem such an issue anymore, that "our new post chemo/radiation/herceptin normal" means we can only work part time and need to rest more, to slow down and smell those roses....that we need to get rid of negativity sucking all our energy like the character in Harry Potter books. It has taken me years to do this and to learn to "do what I can and can the rest" even now I preach and sometimes try to do too much.

I no longer try to be wonder woman I was at 50 raising a family (who have now flown the coup and since married) working 6 days a week to pay bills, while hubby claims to be busy and to not have money when a bill comes up - I am what I thought I'd never be a divorced woman happy to be alone (most of the time) , to do things others never wanted to support me doing like all my Cancer Council/BCNA/Lymphoedema Support group activities; able to spend her money without fear of a sudden bill for a business expenditure.... and hoping I'll see some grandchildren to be born and maybe even see grow up.

I learn to make smaller shorter term  goals: first to see my then 17 & 19 year old sons complete HSC and their degrees, then to see them married & dance at their weddings and those of several of their cousins; to be healthier so I do small walks, then longer ones; do strengthening exercises, start tai chi etc;  see a grand nephew be born and turn 1 also friends grandchildren be born and then hopefully start school & so on. I return to knitting then find a son has also started!

yes there are setbacks for me lymphoedema and some side effects of Arimidex and then the drugs to control my blood pressure and cholesterol issues Arimidex causes me, gluten and lactose intolerance issues, weight gain but I'd rather be alive than the alternative.

I know it is easy to say but try to stay positive, if you need to vent this is a good place because we've all been there  at various times since our diagnosis last year, in my case 9 years ago or for some I know decades later!

your pink sister,

Carol

I have PMd you, hopefully you can find it.  My last message has been lost.

Hi Karen,

I am feeling better today but cant wait to head to Perth and see my ONC. Have you got your results back yet??

Hi tashie, I have heard lots about you through Von Atkinson. im happy to get in contact with you too and would love a catch up:)

Hi, I'm down in Exmouth and have not long finished treatment.  I'm happy to PM you my number if you ever want to talk, it can be hard being remote and young.  Hang in there it does get better.

Glad to read all these posts. I too live remotely so spend a lot of time alone. 

I think sometimes our medical team keep reminding us of reoccurrence in their arguments to take other medications like tamoxifen.  

Yesterday I decided to go to the local show with a friend of my partner, on arrival she was in a bad frame of mind complaining about a local telco and problems with her internet like it was the end of the world threatening to jump off a bridge if they didn't fix it, I suggested that was a bit extreme under the circumstances,  what I learned from that is don't sweat the small stuff we have been lucky in a way that we can rise above these silly things because of our experiences.  I feel good about that anyway. If everyone could experience this maybe the world would be a better place. I guess my point is to live in the now not what might happen. 

Janet

Thanks Tonya, Im hoping this back pain is just knots from mountain biking. I am going to see my physio tomorrow to try to relieve it xx

Hi Summer, Thanks for your reply. I am in Karratha WA, (think Red Dog Movie) So it is a beautiful 28deg today lol

I cried reading your post as I don't feel so alone with this and its so comforting to know I am not alone xxx

Thanks so much for your post. I have changed my Surgeon checkup to my oncologist to see if she could help me with some answers. whilst I am in the big smoke, Ill see if I can see the BCN as well.

Hi Princess

like you I was dx in April 2014 and I'm feeling exactly the same way as you. I had to have a bone scan and ct today due to new back pain which is probably nothing but I'm terrified. Today was my last treatment and instead of celebrating it has been an awful day on a number of fronts. I asked the girls on the site a couple of days ago if I was going mad but it seems many of us go through these feelings. It seems like such a waste of energy to worry about something that may not even happen . After advice from the girls on the site I am just allowing myself to acknowledge my feelings and to just feel them for the moment.  I'm not sue that these feelings will pass as such but I'm hoping that by "feeling" them for a while that they will become less in the forefront of my mind. 

If this continues on for a few weeks then I suggest you speak to your gp and see if you can organise some counselling to help you get through. 

I do hope that we both can put these thoughts aside and look forward to brighter days ahead. Good luck. 

Karen xox