Forum Discussion
What NOT to say to people affected with breast cancer
In 2013, a journalist called breast cancer the "sexy" cancer. What they meant is that breast cancer is a cause that people get behind in a big way compared to other cancers and diseases. Nevertheless, this is an extremely insensitive way to refer to breast cancer. As our members said, there's nothing sexy about cancer. The flippant statement also ignores the history of breast cancer treatment and the hard work that women have done to reduce the historical stigma and improve care.
In the thread linked above, @onemargie said, "We should all write down our what not to say to cancer patients..." and I thought that was a great idea! Last December, we created 31 acts of kindness for supporting someone with breast cancer, which was widely downloaded and circulated. Here's another chance to create another great resource featuring the real life experiences of people affected by breast cancer.
Share your stories below!
What should people NOT say to someone who has been diagnosed with breast cancer or is living with metastatic breast cancer?
In the thread linked above, @onemargie said, "We should all write down our what not to say to cancer patients..." and I thought that was a great idea! Last December, we created 31 acts of kindness for supporting someone with breast cancer, which was widely downloaded and circulated. Here's another chance to create another great resource featuring the real life experiences of people affected by breast cancer.
Share your stories below!
What should people NOT say to someone who has been diagnosed with breast cancer or is living with metastatic breast cancer?
61 Replies
- @Nadi
Definitely all those "You can beat this!" "You're a fighter!"s. People mean well, but I've hated hearing it every time. It implied to me that they thought if it killed me it's just because I just didn't fight hard enough. - When my neighbour heard I had BC he said "a relative of ours had bc and died" gee thanks for telling me, like I really wanted to hear that. I understand that people like to help too, but recommending certain foods does my head in
- "You're doing it easy" while having chemo and neutropenia
"You look too good"
"If I get it, I want to look like you" after surgery and still having a drain in at home
"Don't worry about it, you'll be fine - @Nadi OMG you are soooo right!!!! yeah I HATE it when people say "OH you need to stay positive!!! WTF??? as opposed to what?? so I haven't been? Ummm and Im sure everyone would say has nothing to do with it, we are all different and handle things very differently and thats the BEST way to handle it and approach it. Youre right Nadi, so many have lost their lives and Im sure they were as positive as possible. The times Ive heard that about Chemo I could SCREAM!!! thats why high profile people die from it too hey?? and what I HATE is when people say the CHEMO didnt work because someone they knew died. Apart from the obvious of depends on the diagnosis and how early it is caught will have every bearing on success. So many ignorant people!!! I so wanted to swear then!!! gets me going!!! GRRRRR Mx
- Like others my biggest pet hate of all the things said to me was "stay positive". I heard it said in so many different ways, but most of all when people were telling me how to beat breast cancer, ie they's say "stay positive and you will beat this." Does that mean for every woman or man out there that has died from breast cancer, they have died because they weren't positive? Stupid, stupid, STUPID INSENSITIVE thing to say...... sorry... it just gets me SOOOO worked up.
The next worst thing was when people said that chemo was ineffective, never really worked and was only invented by pharmaceutical companies for big money. - Comments soo funny and ridiculous!
Someone said to me..Oh, you don't need chemo, then it musn't be that bad then!? :neutral: - Hey @melclarity, you should've walked off with a limp >:)
- I had one twit (a relative of a relative), tell me that chemo would kill me and that I should use turmeric instead. In my very best sarcastic voice (sarcastic??? me??? Never!!!), I said to her "Righto, I'll give my specialist medical team the flick, and head on down to Sunil's Spice Emporium instead and buy 10kg of the stuff. Do I eat it, and if so, raw or cooked, smoke it, shoot it up, use it in an enema, bath in or or burn it with a fragrant oil?" She looked a bit gobsmacked at my vigorous response, and said, "Well I can see you still have your sense of humour"....
- I've actually been laughing at some of the ridiculous things people have had said to them OMG!!
I had an acquaintance say to me "OH NO You have Breast Cancer AGAIN!! My Sister in law had a pain in her leg, turned out to be Cancer..you don't have pain anywhere else??"
TWAT!!! I actually answered with...Nah I'm good not going to die anytime soon and walked off... - My recent horror comments, while under going chemo: "cancer is caused by internalising stress" and "cancer is caused by resentment". Grrr!
