Forum Discussion
What NOT to say to people affected with breast cancer
In 2013, a journalist called breast cancer the "sexy" cancer. What they meant is that breast cancer is a cause that people get behind in a big way compared to other cancers and diseases. Nevertheless, this is an extremely insensitive way to refer to breast cancer. As our members said, there's nothing sexy about cancer. The flippant statement also ignores the history of breast cancer treatment and the hard work that women have done to reduce the historical stigma and improve care.
In the thread linked above, @onemargie said, "We should all write down our what not to say to cancer patients..." and I thought that was a great idea! Last December, we created 31 acts of kindness for supporting someone with breast cancer, which was widely downloaded and circulated. Here's another chance to create another great resource featuring the real life experiences of people affected by breast cancer.
Share your stories below!
What should people NOT say to someone who has been diagnosed with breast cancer or is living with metastatic breast cancer?
In the thread linked above, @onemargie said, "We should all write down our what not to say to cancer patients..." and I thought that was a great idea! Last December, we created 31 acts of kindness for supporting someone with breast cancer, which was widely downloaded and circulated. Here's another chance to create another great resource featuring the real life experiences of people affected by breast cancer.
Share your stories below!
What should people NOT say to someone who has been diagnosed with breast cancer or is living with metastatic breast cancer?
61 Replies
- You look so well....is my pet hated saying ..it took me 2 hours to pick my scarf, clothes, shower, rest and put on makeup before entering the same hospital I work at just to have a friggin blood test pre chemo.
Are you in remission? Umm....I was hoping I'm cured!
Your hair looks amazing...yes I know people are being nice....but it's not my pre cancer treatment hair.
You are brave ....endure yes...brave ...no...like we choose this path. Courageous. ..maybe...as we get up, dress up and show up even when we want to give up.
It's in your family.....said by my half sister. Well .... I don't have that gene so there :p - No l said well if your lucky and get cancer as well you may get a better job too. She then said oh adean your so funny!
- OMG @adean sounds like she has no brains.... so sorry she said that to you .... HUGS xoxo
- A girl at my work place said your so lucky you got cancer. They have given you a better job since you came back.lol
- Lots of insenstive foot in mouth dialogue aka IFIMD
Words are often not needed
A big wish for warm and senstive huggs to all - People amaze me every day with what they say. When I first coloured my first crop of post chemo hair, someone told me that it looked much better than looking like a scarecrow beforehand. I was sitting in an open cafe, and just ignored the person. The other thing that is confronting is that people look at your chest first......... My face is right here
- I ran into one of the mums from my daughters school she said I haven't seen you for a while so I told her about my BC she said straight away "it's your diet" I nearly fell over how ignorant I quickly said goodbye and thought seriously there are unhealthy people everywhere without cancer moron
- People love to relate horror stories of people they have known who had cancer WHY?
My aunt friend etc ohhhhh they suffered terribly. Or ,they were gone just like that !
My mother in law likes to relive the time her husband had cancer and died in his eighties ohh it was terrible.
The worst is a friend who has had cancer twice. She can be supportive but loves to tell me of friends with cancer that had severe radiation burns or bad reactions to chemo etc. Others died Ahhhhh I dont know her friends I dont want to know.
Apricot kernels ,diets etc I have heard it all.
My pet hate and I preface this by saying everyone is entitled to their beliefs....Everything happens for a reason....
So babies and puppy dogs get cancer WHY?
In my case part of the reason I had cancer was I have the bracken gene and my father had breast cancer thats a good reason.......Funnily enough my sister did not inherit the bracken gene but I did.
Treat me normally ,Treat me well. What not to say lets turn that round and say what to say . If you cant say anything a card saying something like thinking of you would be well appreciated. Most people like being sent flowers or a present. Being ignored is no fun. - To help Cosette, let me say that I have virtually nothing to contribute because no-one said anything so daft or insensitive!!
I did did have a couple of comments along the "I know someone who is fine now" line, which I didn't mind as I knew they were trying to be positive. - While going through chemo the worse was "oh my you look like death warmed up" geesh thanks greatly that really lifted my spirits.
