Unease

Hi my Pink Sisters, I have been a bit distracted lately and haven't gotten to reply to a lot of your posts for which I'm sorry. I have read them all though and wish you all well. Coming out of the other side of BC is quite a surreal feeling. You are through the worst and you can breath again and feel like things are relatively back to normal (all-be-it a new normal as I have scars and stiffness and am still a bit sore and tight from surgery) but there's always a sense of looming unease that I suppose I will have to learn to live with. I go back to work next week at reduced hours and I feel ready but also nervous like I'm starting a new job. I was there a few days again to hand in my 'return to work' plan that had to be approved by my GP and I felt weird being there, awkward amongst my colleagues. They are having a morning tea for me which I really don't want. It's nice but I just want to slip back in without any fuss. I know as time goes by things will settle down but it's just another reminder of what I've been through. As I said before I had to have my GP sign off on my return to work plan and I was coughing a bit in her office on Monday. She asked me how long that had been going on for and I told her that it hadn't really cleared up from my cold I had in November last year. She sent me to have a chest X-ray on Wednesday and said she was being extra cautious and wanted to rule out anything other than just a cough. I phoned for the results yesterday afternoon and was told by the medical receptionist that my GP wants to see me 'to discuss'. I asked whether there was anything I needed to worry about but of course she couldn't tell me over the phone. She's not available to see until next Monday afternoon. Tonight has been the first sleepless night I've had in quite a while. Once again I'm scared. Will this ever end? Sorry everyone, I just needed to get this down so I maybe can get some sleep. I have Herceptin today and need some rest. Janey xxx