This might seem silly.

 @viking1 @Sister thank you for the words you wrote.  As a newly diagnosed (3 weeks) ago, I am fumbling a bit with what to say to people.  I love writing and I think I will use that to help me express how I am feeling as time goes on.  Usually, I use humour to express myself although today I can't think of anything funny to say.  Just one of those days I guess.  I really enjoyed the way you expressed yourselves. We just cancelled our Journey to Europe that we had started to count down the "sleeps" to.  So to use the word "journey" in relation to my BC seems vaguely obscene to me.  I start chemo in 2 weeks, treatment 1 is on March 23.  I will not be counting down the "sleeps" to that day.  I am not drowning in self pity I just feel a little bit lost today.   

@sister Well said. I'm also deeply resentful of the interruption, the change it is making in me, and the effect on my family. And I most definitely feel sidelined. It's very lonely and isolating. I hope I can fold something positive from this experience into my future life. From here I can't imagine what that would be. I suppose only time will tell.

Last rads hooray @viking1! Anything special planned to mark the occasion?

Well said @sister. I too prefer to call it what it is. From this end of the spectrum, 5 years and a bit from diagnosis, yes there have been learnings. I have no idea, never will, of what I would be if cancer hadn't interrupted things, but I am certainly not unhappy with how I am. That feeling depends on a lot of things and recovering (or in my case never actually losing) a non- invalid status is pretty critical. I found counselling valuable for a short time to help me over a bit of a "where am I, what am I" hump. Time and relevance help - I might have been horrified about long term side effects if I had known day four or five after diagnosis, but I grew into those a bit more gradually and my perspective shifted too. I found it valuable to explore new feelings and insights, but it's a very personal choice. Attitude won't stop you being nauseous, fatigued, or even having a recurrence unfortunately but it may help shape how you deal with these things. Best wishes

@viking1 Good luck for last rads!  Yay!

Words, wonderful words.  For me it's certainly not a "journey" @viking1.  I've disliked that euphemism ever since diagnosis (hadn't thought about it before).  For me, a journey has positive overtones and I'm not finding an awful lot positive about this at the moment - although that may come.  It certainly has been a life experience.  But I call it what it is - cancer.  Is it a death sentence?  That I don't know, yet.  It has been for some around me.   But then, life is a death sentence.  What I find difficult about cancer is being taken out of time and place.  Who am I and what meaning do I have in my life? - at least the "my life" that I want to recognise.  And how will I shape that life back to something real for me once this is done, assuming that it is ever done?  I really resent the time it is taking from my life and my family's lives and the impact it will have in the short and the long-term.  I resent the fact that the person who has never been happy without a book in hand has only been able to read one book in 4 weeks.  Will I still be able to be the weird mum who jumps on the skateboard or climbs the ropes over Taronga (almost ended in disaster, that one)?  And when do I stop feeling like an invalid?...participating in the world from the sidelines.  I can only hope that it has some positives in the end as any true life experience should.  Very philisophical 5am - makes a change from, "I can't sleep".

Lol it's funny how we all react differently to different phrases.  I wonder if it is our age groups or experiences or who knows what? I think for me it seems a 'New Age' sort of term (but that's just me) and I hear it a lot from my sister who has all sorts of journeys involving things metaphysical...gongs, bowls, chanting etc. But if she's happy and it doesn't involve human sacrifices, each to their own!  I'd like a journey through Europe, personally. I'm glad it's not called 'your ordeal' though!  "How's your ordeal going?" doesn't sound great.  I'm quite interested in the words we use to try and describe how we deal with cancer.  It seems to have it's own vocab that's been built around a word that people don't want to hear out loud ...  'the Big C' is slowly being rephrased.  A friend responded to my diagnosis with "well it's not a death sentence anymore" and I really hadn't thought of death yet so I was unhappy with that response. I guess it's hard for people to know what to say but I would rather "I'm sorry to hear that" or "oh sh5t! what can I do?"  'Survivor" is another tricky one for me personally but only because of family connections to Hitler's death camps.  But something like surviving that is so far away from our own daily individual battles that it's apples and oranges.  I think we are all surviving on a daily basis sometimes.  And to throw in some C&W, "Some days are diamonds, some days are stone."  Last rad tomorrow!  

No journeys here, either.

Can't stand 'journey'. Haven't said it once. Irritates me when they say it on Masterchef!

@Janny54 It is interesting that you said you realised why the question came up...you're thinking about it now. I am finding that some people have an immediate reaction to different parts of the process and for others it's in stages or delayed.  I'm thankful that organisations like this and the Cancer Council give you access to their programs for life, if I'm correct.  Because I do feel the body and the mind undergo a trauma and you may be so caught up on the treadmill of chemo, rad, etc that you may only realise what you've been through sometime down the track.  I've got 2 more rads to go but am only attending my first group therapy in a few weeks.  I don't know if I will like it but will have a go anyway.  I feel it's the first time I will have spoken about things publicly rather than online.  During my treatment I couldn't have tried group therapy ... if anyone was kind I would feel teary.  I was also too tired to do anything social.  That's why online is so valuable when you feel lousy at 3am!  Onward through the fog! xxx  @Tracey_B yes a sense of humour really helps!  

Just remember that people love you for the person you are. Put that lippy on and stride out there with pride. It's worth the effort to have the treatment. 
Cuddles, Trace ❤️