Really struggling with needing mastectomy

HiTannieT​,

I really fee you! I am 53 and was diagnosed with IDC in February this year. I had a double mastectomy in March followed by chemo, radiation (which I finish this week! Yay!) and then hormone blockers.

I also had big boobs (since I was 13) and had a reduction when I was 33 (GG down to D). Menopause had other ideas and with weight gain I also got the big boobs back! Enter breast cancer and I chose to have a double mastectomy just to be rid of as much breast tissue as possible and because symmetry was important to me. I chose a flat closure and honestly, I have never felt so free and comfortable in my body! No hair, no boobs and I still feel feminine, but so free! No bras, no fussing with my hair (it used to be long and I would style it daily!) 

I did have a moment of doubt when I was talking to the surgeon and she was telling me all the options for reconstruction and reduction in the other boob. I wondered how I would feel having no boobs after a lifetime of being large breasted, but my boobs were trying to kill me, so I figured my best chance was to get rid of them!! I haven’t regretted my decision for a second!

I hope you have a great surgeon who will discuss all your options with you and good people around you who will support whatever decision you make! One thing my surgeon said that made me feel safe about my decision was that I could change my mind and have a reconstruction in the future, that door is always open. Good luck with everything! X SamF

HiTannieT​ 

I was also big breasted ( E cup) and ended up having double mastectomy with DIEP flap reconstruction .My story is in the choosing breast reconstruction private group .

I went through the private system and even though I was in a private health fund my out of pocket expenses  were steep , but I was happy with the results. I went to a C cup .I was 62.

I did think going flat would  be a bridge too far but that’s a very personal decision .

My husband of 35 years who has been amazingly supportive through all this said to me at the time “ I know you are freaking out about losing your breasts but to me your most sexy organ is your brain”.

Anyway none of this  is easy  and if you can get your GP to give you a referral to a psychologist - I had a couple of sessions with one who specialized in cancer related distress and it was helpful .

And also very helpful are the Dr Charlotte Tottman podcasts on this website - she is a psychologist who got breast cancer herself.

And this forum is great - we all “ get it” in a way someone never diagnosed with this disease ever can.

Take care .

Hi TannieT​ 
So sorry to see you here, joining our select little group xx

The diagnosis alone is very confronting, let alone, losing your breasts as well - and you've been thru so much already.  :(  

Is your surgeon giving you the option of reconstruction?  You may like to get a 2nd opinion.

Definitely join both groups (as mentioned by Mez_BCNA​ ) ... 

You've found the right spot here tho, for support & info from those who've 'been there, done that'! So hopefully we'll be able to smooth the way for your own story.   Make sure you take a trusted friend or family member with you to your appointments, as a 'backup set of ears', as it is difficult remembering everything that is said.  Also, consider recording your sessions on your phone, so you can go over it again later, for the same reason. 😉

Mine was ILC - I was lucky to only have the one lumpectomy, rads & tablets .... and am finishing up with the tabs now!

Whack up ANY question - remember there are NO dumb questions!!! This diagnosis can really muck with your brain too - so if you feel sad, angry, distressed .... ask your GP (or your treating team) for a referral to see a counsellor .... or listen to Charlotte Tottman's podcast (link below). 
She is a BC specialist counsellor who was diagnosed herself, also had a double mastectomy, so knows EXACTLY what we've all been thru, both emotionally and physically!  Her own reaction to her diagnosis was also quite different to what she 'thought' it might be, given that she'd been counseling women's reactions for some years before, so thought she 'new' what to expect!  She is VERY easy to listen to, too xx
http://www.drcharlottetottman.com.au/my-podcast.html. 

Raelene Boyle's video is also well worth watching! 
https://www.bcna.org.au/resource-hub/podcasts/upfront-about-breast-cancer/upfront-about-breast-cancer/episode-21-raelene-boyle-on-pulling-herself-out-of-the-darkness/

There is HEAPS of info in the link below to help you navigate the blog and also some tools to evaluate your own physical and mental recovery thru your ongoing treatment! xx.

https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussions/general-discussion/a-big-welcome-to-all-new-online-network-members-/222737

Take care & all the best for your surgery & ongoing appointments & treatment xx.
(And definitely consider recording your appointments so you can go over it again!)

Oh I hear you re the mastectomy! I was diagnosed with TNBC 3 months ago and I remember preparing myself mentally thinking ok I got this, a lumpectomy, chemo I can do that. At my first appointment my surgeon goes… mastectomy… double mastectomy 😂.

I remember thinking no way, that’s just not cool. It feels like an amputation. Turns out lumpectomy on tiny size A fillets like mine means a mastectomy more or less. 

I have made peace with the fact that I am choosing a double mastectomy. Chemotherapy is absolute crap and I do not want to have to go through this again if I can help it. In other words even if I have the teeniest chance of getting it all out right now (even dormant cells in the other breast) I want to take it. 

I never identified much with my breasts so it’s been easier I guess to let go of them in hindsight. But maybe thinking about what you are gaining rather than losing might be a good place to start. I’m sure you know that but I totally get your resistance ♥️🙏

Dear TannieT​ 

Surgery is a tough one - it depends a great deal on managing mind over emotions and on your relationship with your body. I had fairly large breasts too (still have one!) and I can readily understand how frustrating it must be to face a mastectomy after finally getting to feel good about your breasts (rather than being perhaps overly conscious of them).  

But they are not you. They don't define you. And while I personally don't go along with the 'your breasts are trying to kill you' line (they are not sentient beings!), breasts with cancer are dangerous. 

You haven't said if you are considering reconstruction, some do, some don't. I had surgery first, then chemo and didn't have much time to think about it, which possibly helped. I didn't have reconstruction, remain cheerfully lop-sided and use a prosthesis. For others, reconstruction is an important part of recovery. Sometimes it is useful to wait and see exactly how you react to no breasts before taking further action. 

Most of all, it's about accepting that this has happened - many of us felt perfectly healthy, had no history of cancer in our families - I didn't even find a lump. What helped me was to spend as little time as possible about what was, and as much as possible about what could be, accepting that there would be some change but that it was a new chapter, not the end of my story. In this new chapter, you can decide - reconstruction, small breasts, bigger breasts, sportily flat! And give some love to all the rest of your body, which is doing the hard yards to help you recover. Best wishes.

Hi TannieT​ thankyou for being open and honest with how you are feeling. I'm sure our members will jump on soon to connect and reflect on how they have have felt navigating surgery.

In the meantime, we want to acknowledge how common it is to feel grief, anxiety, or a loss of confidence. Your body is changing, and adjusting emotionally takes time. BCNA offers resources to help you feel supported and understood:

Body Image: You might feel different about how you look. Some people choose reconstruction or wear prostheses, while others embrace their scars. BCNA’s body image page shares tips and personal stories.

Emotional Wellbeing: It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. BCNA’s emotional wellbeing resources offer guidance on managing fear, sadness, and finding your “new normal.”

Support Options: Call BCNA’s Helpline on 1800 500 258 for a confidential chat and perhaps we can recommend extra support you may find helpful during this time.

You may also like to join our private groups Choosing breast reconstruction and Flat Chat - no breast reconstruction