Newby

Thanks everyone.  It's nice to feel like I can just be myself in the moment without having to put a face on.  I have heard this journey likened to a roller coaster.  I feel like it's more like a luge.  No safety bar, completely vulnerable and not fun!

I shaved my head and now awaiting the hair loss.  I keep having dreams about losing the hair, most recently this morning.  I dreamed I woke up and walked into the bathroom and there was a bare patch above my forehead.  Even though I've done the shave (which was both traumatic and empowering) I'm still anticipating the hair loss with dread.  I keep tugging at the hair but it's still stuck fast, and I know that on TC chemo, people seem to lose it on day 14.  That's this Friday.  I'm glad I shaved it off first, so it's not such a shock when it happens.

I went to work yesterday and today and unfortunately it seems as though the word hasn't gotten out there yet and a lot of people don't know, so I'm having to break the news yet again.  I'm so over it.  I feel like wearing a t-shirt that says "I've got breast cancer" so that people aren't put on the spot and have that weird reaction of shock and pity mixed together.  Someone asked me how my holiday was, as I've been off for about a month.  It was horrible to say "holiday?  No.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer".  Even now I feel like scrubbing the memory of that conversation from my brain.

I'm at a complete stall.  My heart aches for the loss of my aunt.  She was cycling whilst on holiday in QLD and was involved in a hit and run.  Even though this time in my life is traumatic and upsetting, it does not compare to that event.  I miss her so terribly.  She would have been the perfect person to hold my hand through this.  My mother is my support person, and I love her very much and appreciate everything she is doing for me, but my aunty was a trained nurse, down to earth, centred and calm. 

Anyway, that's my whinge for today.  Yesterday I had such a good day.  I had lots of energy and went to work for a whole 5 hours!  Today I only managed 3.  I've got a Zoladex implant during chemo and today I had a breakthrough bleed, which explains my pity party I guess.  Thanks for listening/reading. 

Oh, I made a video of the before and after hair.  Feel free to have a look http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hI4ZbdTDjNM

You are having a really rough trot - death in the family,impending divorce and breast cancer AND only 35. That is probably too much for anyone to cope with. You poor darl, no wonder you are numb.The trouble with this bc journey is that you never quite know when you'll be brave and when you'll fall in a heap. Often it's the little things that can make you come unstuck.You do need 1 or 2 people to be close and honest with but if humour helps you deal with others then that's fine.Even coming on this site will be helpful cos you can vent your feelings /ask questions and there  is always someone to chat with. You'll get lots of info and support here and won't feel so alone.

                                          Tonya xx

You are having a really rough trot - death in the family,impending divorce and breast cancer AND only 35. That is probably too much for anyone to cope with. You poor darl, no wonder you are numb.The trouble with this bc journey is that you never quite know when you'll be brave and when you'll fall in a heap. Often it's the little things that can make you come unstuck.You do need 1 or 2 people to be close and honest with but if humour helps you deal with others then that's fine.Even coming on this site will be helpful cos you can vent your feelings /ask questions and there  is always someone to chat with. You'll get lots of info and support here and won't feel so alone.

                                          Tonya xx

We never know what life is going to throw at us. Like Samantha I acknowledge that there are parts of my old life I will never recover, but from my point of view it is a very positive one! I've decide I'll never wear a bra again, no more arriving at the front door and as soon as you step inside reaching behind you to undo your bra! No reconstruction either, don't care if I'm lopsided.

You'll find that the Dexamethasone they give you to prevent fluid retention and nausea around your chemo days will make you hyper.

At this stage you need to take time for yourself to heal and to grieve. There is a limit to the time you can be upbeat in public. Gather your friends around you and give yourself permission to fall in a heap. Many on this forum have consulted psychologists and/or attended support group meetings to help them through. This sort of help is available, just ask your treatment team.

I found that I only read the information about what I was going through at the moment, but got better and more specific advice from questions I asked of my treatment team - breast care nurse, Medical Oncologist, Radiation Oncologist, Breast Surgeon, Plastic Surgeon, Physio etc.

I made the decision to be treated as a Private Patient in a Public Hospital because of the committment to this Multi-Discipline Team approach and have had an absolutely dream run through the system.

If you still need to have Radiotherapy ask to be treated at a public hospital if at all possible as there is a substantial out of pocket expense if you are treated at a private radiotherapy centre.

With love

Joy K

We never know what life is going to throw at us. Like Samantha I acknowledge that there are parts of my old life I will never recover, but from my point of view it is a very positive one! I've decide I'll never wear a bra again, no more arriving at the front door and as soon as you step inside reaching behind you to undo your bra! No reconstruction either, don't care if I'm lopsided.

You'll find that the Dexamethasone they give you to prevent fluid retention and nausea around your chemo days will make you hyper.

At this stage you need to take time for yourself to heal and to grieve. There is a limit to the time you can be upbeat in public. Gather your friends around you and give yourself permission to fall in a heap. Many on this forum have consulted psychologists and/or attended support group meetings to help them through. This sort of help is available, just ask your treatment team.

I found that I only read the information about what I was going through at the moment, but got better and more specific advice from questions I asked of my treatment team - breast care nurse, Medical Oncologist, Radiation Oncologist, Breast Surgeon, Plastic Surgeon, Physio etc.

I made the decision to be treated as a Private Patient in a Public Hospital because of the committment to this Multi-Discipline Team approach and have had an absolutely dream run through the system.

If you still need to have Radiotherapy ask to be treated at a public hospital if at all possible as there is a substantial out of pocket expense if you are treated at a private radiotherapy centre.

With love

Joy K

Love & Hugs Jo xoox

Love & Hugs Jo xoox