Healthy Mind & Feeling Good But Why?

I've been told all mixed news this week and await further tests. I don't want to find out. Only had a couple of negative biopsies yet I've never felt fitter. I'm strong, Ride my horse nearly every second day, go to work then home to grown family & husband.  They are great. But as I sit up late because I can't sleep as to be reminded of what's ahead. I'm angry and developing attitude as never had before. Always happy. Just had a few bourbons with a friend and got off the subject completely. Punched the wall in the specialists washroom once I heard of 4cm tumour from the sentinel biopsy (1 out of 4 removed that was infected with it). Specialist wants to remove all my lymph nodes. All I can think of is lympodema. Talking about chemo and radiation first for 6 months then see before any surgery. My left ovary, don't even know if it is, seems a dull pain. But been off and on for over a year. Could be stress. Pet scan tomorrow. Don't want to know. But friends say then you'll have a clear plan to sort it all out for good. I feel like 'Red man going down'.

Need inspiration!