Dear Susie, as you've no doubt been told, smoking is not a good habit to have if you're having operations. But if you can't stop now, cut yourself some slack, and deal with it later. One thing at a time darl!
You have to be kind to yourself at this time. Most of us beat ourselves up about the shoulda coulda woulda but right now you have to let that shit go. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't here yet. Focus on today. If you want to feel like you're achieving something on the quitting front, can you break it down into a smaller task. Can you smoke one less cigarette today than you did yesterday? Make an appointment to see your GP about a quitting plan. Think of the money you'll save! Set up a piggy bank to put the ciggie dough in and plan the holiday you'll take with that money.
I know nicotine is one of the most addictive substances going so don't beat yourself up because you're struggling. I know there'll be others out there who are also trying to give up. You're not alone. Keep trying and hang in there. Big hug. K xox