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Brownowl's avatar
Brownowl
Member
5 years ago

Divorcing after treatment

Is there anybody out there who decided to end their marriage after treatment. What lead you to this and how did you go about it?

My husband and I have had issues for a long time. But now it seems like I can’t shoulder his issues as well as dealing with the possibility of a shortened lifespan. I finished treatment only last week so I’m wondering if I’m just dealing with what I’ve just been through or this needs to happen. Any advice would be great. Thank you xo

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  • Afraser's avatar
    Afraser
    Member
    5 years ago
    A good counsellor is a smart idea after cancer - not to tell you what to do but to help you work out your (changing) priorities and blind spots. Someone who has experience with cancer patients may be particularly useful. It’s always a good idea, even if not always possible, to map out the pros and cons of any significant decision, with as much objectivity as you can, before taking action. Your GP or oncologist may be able to help with a referral to someone suitable. Best wishes. 
  • Cath62's avatar
    Cath62
    Member
    5 years ago
    Hi @Brownowl, I am not in your situation but most certainly for many after cancer there is a recalibration. I had treatment last year and this year I feel as though I am recalibrating my life. I have reflected on my life and how I got to where I am and what I want for my future. I am still in that process but I do know I won't put up with much like I use to. My boundaries are different and I am not sweating the small stuff. I want to enjoy every moment and I just live in the moment.

    My husband and I meet about 12 years ago, both second marriages. I met him after he had cancer treatment. He ended a bad marriage during his treatment. His final straw was his ex being unfaithful during his treatment. That probably would do it for me too. 

    I ended my marriage 30 yrs ago and was on my own basically for 20 yrs. I raised a son on my own, so very different to you. I sort help before I ended my marriage. I wanted to be very clear why and be sure within myself. I saw a psychologist, especially one who understands the impact of breast cancer. I am not sure you have gone down that path but maybe consider talking to some so you know if you're dealing with post cancer stuff or marriage or both. 

    Sending you a big hug 🌻
  • Julez1958's avatar
    Julez1958
    Member
    5 years ago
    Hi there
    i didn’t decide to end my marriage after diagnosis/ treatment but there was a bit of a “ recalibration”.
    I have just finished listening to the podcast series in one of the announcements above “ What you don’t know until you do “ by Dr Charlotte Tottman 
    a clinical psychologist who got breast cancer and it does cover this topic on an oblique way.
    I have certainly heard of marriages that have broken up after the woman has a breast cancer diagnosis .