Divorcing after treatment

Yes that was very on point.

Really good read @arpie.

An interesting read ....

https://www.curetoday.com/view/love-lost-the-effects-of-cancer-on-marriage-and-relationships

Welcome to the blog, @Magenta - sorry to see you here, but you are in the right spot to chat with others who have been thru what you have ...... it sounds like you've worked out a workable solution at home and hope it continues to work for you xx

Feel free to put your story up on the 'Newly Diagnosed' section .... which BC you have & what surgery/ongoing treatment & if you have any questions about anything .. just whack 'em up & I am sure someone will jump on & help with an answer. xx

You can add your 'general' location to your profile too - as members may know of specific services that may be available to you - or even meet up with members for a coffee & chat as Covid restrictions ease ....

take care

Came on here looking for a thread like this. Like you @Brownowl my husband has been battling his own issues for years and our marriage was pretty precarious before my BC diagnosis in June. He couldn’t cope with it at all and I had to ask him to move out as the self destructive behaviour was so stressful for me to live with on the daily. So I have gone through almost all of my treatment in lockdown, living alone with 2 young kids while he is getting treatment... But you know what? It’s calmer at home, we’re happier, I feel much less stressed. Yes I’m tired, sometimes lonely, yes sometimes I worry about the future but I try to plan ahead and take it week by week. 

I was listening to the podcast “what you don’t know until you do”, I think it was episode 6 and it talked about not making major life decisions until a year after finishing treatment because it’s such a hard, emotional time and we are often adapting to new drugs and a new body and mind frame to boot. That said, at the end of the day, no one knows what the inside of anyone else’s marriage is so only you can make the call. I hope that whatever you decide, you find comfort and happiness. Wishing you all the best. Xx

You know your own heart. If things weren't great before and you are over the relationship, now is probably as good a time as ever to make up your mind. 

You are so soon out of treatment. I finished trestment in march and for a while things were quite stormy. Its a massive thing to process and whilst partners go through it with you its not the same experience. I saw a psychologist and feeling less ragey. Id recommend that first. Whatever you feel is what you feel but its the extreme end right now. Life settles a bit but ive come to realise its not cataclismic but takes maybe upward of a year to manage the emotions and you need to take it bit by bit. Others will not understand the black and whiteness of your thoughts. This is probably normal. For me it was.

I wouldn’t make any rash decisions when you are still fatigued with treatment, unless you are in danger of course,  but a relaxing break sounds ideal if you can manage one. 

Remember that this disease DOES muck with your brain as much as your body ..... has your dissatisfaction with the marriage increased in leaps & bounds since your diagnosis ... or has it just made you less prepared to sit it out, 'as is' and wait to see if it gets better?  Have you both had counselling?  Can your Cancer Centre put you onto a Breast Cancer Counsellor?

Do what is right for you, @Brownowl .... this cancer thing can really tear people apart - particularly if one partner is not caring & supportive of the other going thru the cancer .... and if teenage kids are involved, possibly even worse!  :(

Are you able to get away & have a total break from the house & responsibilities for 2-3 weeks?  That may 'wake them up' to just what you DO do around the house & their lives ..... it could be the wakeup call they need .... or do you think the marriage is beyond that already?

Sending big hugs, take care xxx