Dear @Brownowl
You clearly have some good understanding of the way in which your in laws navigate the issues in their lives. It’s not your way. The clash is likely be difficult but it may also be occasioned by ingrained patterns of behaviour rather than ill will. You have every right to tell them how you want your situation and treatment to be discussed - or not discussed. You have every right to limit your exposure to your in-laws if they don’t respect your wishes. There is however a good chance that if you give them a clear understanding of how you want to be treated, they will do so. Awkwardness can make people seem insensitive and thoughtless. Worth a shot anyway. Most of all it’s their problem, not yours. Don’t take It on board. Best wishes.