Calling parents

@kmakm it’s not a failure -sure there maybe times when we feel let down by our kids but then it’s up to us to sit them down and explain why -preferably when the dust settles when we get a better hearing than a slanging match in the heat of the moment - the latter of which I have been guilty of .But what I find is when you say things in anger  in a  family  you talk about it later and they forgive and move on.Whilst change of behaviour may not be as quick as I’d like - it is thought about and changes occur - but only if I verbalise  rather than seeth and do it myself.I guess that’s parenting.

I think kids of all ages need to understand a little of what’s happening to us and how they can help . They experience shock to realise we are fallible and the turmoil of emotions we go through they see and they just don’t know what to do.

I have asked my 18yo son repeatedly to sit and watch a movie with me, to no avail. I demanded he go for a walk with me and his sister yesterday. He did and it was really nice. It was the most time I'd spent with him in months.

He's a lovely boy in so many ways. I've had lots of hugs, but he's doing VCE, experiencing love dramas and is so all up in his own head like teenagers often are. I wish he'd cared more and expressed it to me but I don't know how to make that happen.

As a parent I am conflicted between sharing with my kids what I'm going through and protecting them from it. It's rather more challenging when it comes to the youngest two as their mother died from it two years ago this month.

We are a loving family, and we demonstrate it. How much is nature and how much is nurture? That I feel my kids have let me down a bit from time to time, or all the time, makes me feel like a failure.

Depending on their ages really. My young adult kids all still at home helped out with the housework , cooked and heated up prepared meals. They came to visit me in hospital on my chemo days or drove me in if they were able to. Even the little things like sitting down and watching a movie with me was lovely. I was also told they could access Canteen ( cancer support group ) up until they were 25 if they needed it but we'd talked about things as a family and they didn't but its good to know its there if they do want to talk to someone.

Hi @Romla - it really depends on the age of the kids but in my case, my kids have totally stepped up to the plate! 

I have 3 adult kids - 23, 21, 20 - and a 12 year old. My 21 year old daughter has been overseas since February on university exchange so she’s been giving me lots of emotional support. 

My 23 year old son and 20 year old daughter have been doing lots of the grocery shopping, quite a bit of cooking, doing the dishwasher, sometimes the washing, driving their younger brother around etc - they were ‘OK’ at doing all these things before, but since my treatment started there’s been a definite increase and especially an increase in doing things without being asked and also volunteering to do things. On days that they work, they always call before they come home to see if there’s anything we need from the shops etc. They’ve been amazing. 

My 12 year old has become much more independent which is also a huge help - he’s walking home from school/bus stop instead of being picked up - a great help and great exercise too! Also being much more pro-active to help around the house etc. 

I agree that giving them guidance on how they can help is a great idea.