hi all,im new to this forum and about half way through my AC/taxol chemo ‘journey’. I’m a stage 3 triple positive, on the menu is chemo, mastectomy, radiation, hercepton and likely neratinib (when I get sick of constipation and want to change it up a little). I have an oncologist and whilst she is nice, I just don’t feel like I click with her. I feel like I’m being provided a service and I seldom leave her appointments uplifted. She’s pretty black and white and straight down the line. Trying to make her laugh with my satirical humour is almost impossible. I’ve been trying to crack her now for a good 12 weeks. No joy. However my surgeon and my new radio oncologist when I meet them, I feel happy afterward.A friend says I’m mad to stick with her and should find a new oncologist. So I’m just wondering has anyone had any experience with finding a new oncologist and the reasons that they did so? And also, how they did it?i feel like if I leave I should be kind and find a way to explain ‘it’s not you it me, we just don’t click’. Because she’s not crap, she’s just maybe not someone I’d have a wine with.Thanks!

Please don't think this is a flippant comment because it's not intended that way. But @kmakm post reminds me of something Prof Noel Fitzpatrick the Supervet says. "The patients need to know how much you care before they care about how much you know." I didn't like the oncologist assigned to me through the public system. I requested a new one through the breast care nurse but didn't like the 2nd one either. I found my own through private. @Saram don't feel bad if want to change. It's absolutely your right.

@Blondy I was talking about my experience with the public system and seeing many different oncologists, but so pleased that is not everyones experience. :) Day oncology and the nurses are wonderful, but it leaves me a bit dissatisfied with having to just see whichever oncologist for the day. So lucky you had a different experience, as we don't usually get to chose in the public system, nor do we get to chose the surgeon, but thankfully my surgeon was wonderful, I couldn't have picked a better surgeon if I had been paying privately. Some have been disappointed with their private hospital experience, so I guess it works both ways.

Hi @Keeping_positive1 I'm in the public system and chose my surgeon (who also has private patients) and I have had the same oncologist the whole time. My surgery was two days later than it could have been if I was private. I feel well cared for and happy that I'm not paying extra for the same excellent treatment. I'm sorry to hear you have had a different experience and different doctors but great you got a wonderful surgeon!

Hi @Saram Oncologists are just like any other service provider. They don't see themselves as being in the same league as the butcher, baker and candlestick maker, but the reality is the only reason you would stay with one you don't like is lack of other options. If you want to see someone else, see someone else and don't feel you need to apologize.I've sacked three over the years and have finally found my happy place (if there is such a thing when someone wants to take you to the point of death) with an onc who genuinely seems to regard me as a complex human rather than a reluctant contributor to their next holiday or Chanel suit. And he laughs at my black humour. It's a long term relationship, we hope, so it's worth getting it right. Mxx

Thanks ladies, all very good food for thought. I’m based in South sydney.

Breaking up with your oncologist

Kattykit
Member
6 years ago
This is literally my life she has in her hands, I need to be able to trust and have mutual respect in and with my doctor. I hope you can find that perfect fit you @Saram
Sister
Member
6 years ago
I think any capable oncologist will do the job but one who you can relate to is the one who will listen to what you are saying to make sure the treatment is right for you. And as @zoffiel and others have said, you're in this relationship for the long haul. Good luck @saram
KarynJ
Member
6 years ago
Please don't think this is a flippant comment because it's not intended that way. But @kmakm post reminds me of something Prof Noel Fitzpatrick the Supervet says. "The patients need to know how much you care before they care about how much you know."
I didn't like the oncologist assigned to me through the public system. I requested a new one through the breast care nurse but didn't like the 2nd one either. I found my own through private.
@Saram don't feel bad if want to change. It's absolutely your right.
Blondy
Member
6 years ago
@saram .I'm southwestern Sydney with a very nice female onc. Has no airs or graces and I always feel like I'm not on a timer with her. PM me if you'd like her name.
NewBoobsPLS
Member
6 years ago
@blondy and @Kattykit who was your onc???
Keeping_positiv
Member
6 years ago
I am so over seeing a different oncologist each time, but that is what you usually get through the public system, and it is so hard to build up a rapport, and getting different advise and perspectives does not provide me with much confidence. If I could have gone private I would go back and do it much differently. Like some say here the relationship with your oncologist is an important one so choose carefully and consider private if able, although I haven't completely lost faith in the oncologists I see, just that I don't feel fully listened to, nor do they know me well, it feels more like I am a number on their long list they need to get through for the day. Bless them though, because we do need oncologists that are not just interested in their private practices.
Kattykit
Member
6 years ago
@NewBoobsPLS, I'm in WA, so mine's a bit far for you to travel, I hope you find your perfect fit.
Blondy
Member
6 years ago
@Keeping_positive
There was no private facilities near me and I was put into the public system. I have only ever seen the same 2 oncs The service has been exemplary .I have been very well looked after. I was seen within a week of surgery and started chemo a month after surgery and 5 weeks after chemo started rads. No different than paying privately.
Keeping_positiv
Member
6 years ago
@Blondy I was talking about my experience with the public system and seeing many different oncologists, but so pleased that is not everyones experience. :) Day oncology and the nurses are wonderful, but it leaves me a bit dissatisfied with having to just see whichever oncologist for the day. So lucky you had a different experience, as we don't usually get to chose in the public system, nor do we get to chose the surgeon, but thankfully my surgeon was wonderful, I couldn't have picked a better surgeon if I had been paying privately.

Some have been disappointed with their private hospital experience, so I guess it works both ways.
shs14
Member
6 years ago
Hi @Keeping_positive1 I'm in the public system and chose my surgeon (who also has private patients) and I have had the same oncologist the whole time. My surgery was two days later than it could have been if I was private. I feel well cared for and happy that I'm not paying extra for the same excellent treatment. I'm sorry to hear you have had a different experience and different doctors but great you got a wonderful surgeon!