Are you a breast cancer survivor who happens to be childless?

Hi @"Janet A", just reading your posts.  I too am childless a bit by choice, timing & finding the right partner to have them with.  I've been to several seminars & never felt separate because of being childless, but have felt isolated because I have no 'significant other'.  I am 10yrs since initial diagnosis of stage 4 bc & am 18mths since diagnosis of metastatic lung cancer & 6mths since bone cancer diagnosis.  My cancer is genetic (BRCA 2) & most women in my family have been diagnosed with breast cancer & all except for me, have produced multiple babies & breastfed.  When I was first diagnosed, the 'chatter' then, was breast cancer could be related to early periods (11yrs or younger) and the use of the contraceptive pill.  All research helps, keep up the good work

@arpie I too wish you luck with your appointment at the Oncologist.  If you are comfortable in doing so, please let us know how it went.  Thank you @Janet A, I did eventually fall asleep but it took awhile and please pass on to us any feedback that you hear of. My memory caught the chemo bus too, I hope it finds its way home once I have finished the treatment. It's great that we can be a member of this group and also be involved in other groups on here.  I have finally managed a shorter comment....must be sleep deprived!  :) 

Don't know if separate groups ultimately benefit all parties. I mean, even in this group we have men and women, straight and gay, those with children and those without. Those two groups can be further divided by those with supportive children and those with ratbags. Then in the childless camp, those thus by choice and those by circumstance. There are those who have chemo and those who don't. Ditto radiotherapy. Those who have surgery and those who don't...again the first subdivided into lumpectomy, one boob and two boobs.  The difference between us all is great on so many levels, but the things which unite us are far greater. We all have  or have had breast cancer. We are all individual, both in our bodies and our souls. We all bleed red blood. We all feel the same responses to being made to feel different or not included. If we all end up in a multitude of separate groups, how will we understand and thus support those in other groups? I think free and diverse discussions such as this one openly air the concerns that some smaller demographics may have. Knowledge makes us more powerful, whereas ignorance of certain conditions or facts doesn't.

Loving these posts! I hope we are being monitored, in fact I am going to contact one of them and ask for feedback. This post has opened up so many issues and so interesting to read. I think I am due for my B12 shot as my memory as I believe left with the chemo bus also suffers when my B12 levels are low lol, so bare with me until tomorrow!
@annsan Your comments are gold and I was thinking of asking @jena if she had a couple spare supporters to share as well! @arpie I have jewish blood but the expectation of children wasn't that strong in our family but then I didn't get to meet my grandmother. I hope your trip to oncologist goes well today. And @annsan hope you got to sleep in the end. 
We do need our own group I believe, not sure what we should call it however, seems we have attracted a few different situations needing support, this can only be a good thing......

Hope all goes well @arpie

hello @arpie, hoping all goes well with your oncology appointment today

....  I wonder if there are women on here who are childless with BC and come from a cultural background that just assumes (I hate that word) and expects every-one to have children? If so, I would love to hear your story....

WOW - now THAT is an interesting one - now bear with me & my twisted sense of humour - what if she was gay as well as being Jewish, living in Egypt AND childless?? .... No offence meant, @jena ... or those of the Jewish faith!

haha @kmakm - Sounds like you found a good one there!  ;)  I just tell people that Keith traded in on a younger model (his 2nd marriage, my first!)   ;)  His 2 adopted children were about 10 years younger than me when we married - I was late 30s .... so luckily I didn't have to raise them - and I had nothing to do with the previous marriage  breakup!  LOL   I get on really well with the son, less so with the daughter, tho we are in touch (they both live in NZ!)  Interestingly enough - NEITHER of THEM have had children either!  The daughter never married & the son's wife (a lovely lady) just never fell pregnant which was a shame as she would have made a lovely mother.  She mothers her brothers & helped raise them when her own mother died from cancer whilst they were still young.  

The age difference between us is starting to tell now tho, as he gets a lot more wobbly on his pins & has a shocking memory (he's being assessed in 10 days by a Geriatrician as Alzheimers/dementia runs in his family.)  He's given up competitive sport now - but still training daily.  He is VERY thin (never had much weight on him) and a strong puff of wind would knock him over - he almost has to run round the shower to get wet!!  

Off to the Onc today to discuss tablets & stuff ...... fun fun fun

@arpie Thank you for your good wishes and support.  This is becoming interesting regarding sisters and lack of support isn't it?  Yourself, @ Janet A and I all have sisters who just don't understand.  Like you @arpie, my sister also has mental health issues (due to a horrific car accident) and I was her Carer for 2 years but when I need her now she just isn't there.  We seem to have quite a group of us in the "childless with BC" category now.  I would like to think we could get a support group going.  There must be many other "childless with BC" women out there.  As I mentioned in my post of May 14, it seems that there is evidence of not breastfeeding being a factor in getting BC not being nulliparous.  @jena I am sorry that you have felt excluded but I hope that you now feel included in this group.  As strange as it may sound, I envy you in the fact that you have such a wonderful support group around you.  I am so pleased that you have a loving family and such good friends. Can you spare a couple :) ?  I will tap into my medical contacts and see what other research or information I can find regarding nulliparous women with BC.  @AllyJay I shuddered with horror when I read your story.  How can human beings treat each other that way?  Thank goodness times have changed and we have progressed (I hope) although I wonder if people will ever learn to stop judging each other. @"Janet A" you have done a good thing in starting this topic and I loved your comment "We are bombarded by the media to believe you are not normal unless you have a family. It's time to break that myth as we are 1 in 8 women who are childless by choice or circumstance and the number is growing". Yes it is time for us to have a voice.  @Janet A, we were on a bus tour in Cairo when the lovely muslim guide was telling us that they have very few nursing homes in Egypt as children look after their elderly parents. I asked her what happens if you don't have children and she looked at me quite stunned and eventually said "well of course a niece or nephew would look after you".  Of late I have been thinking about her comment (that was on a trip to Egypt in 2012 way before I had BC) and it raises a lot of interesting questions in my mind, not the least being the obvious cultural difference that it is just a fact of life that you have children in some societies.  I wonder if there are women on here who are childless with BC and come from a cultural background that just assumes (I hate that word) and expects every-one to have children? If so, I would love to hear your story.  Well, yet again I seem to have prattled on for an age.  It is 3.45am and I am unable to sleep yet again! Thank you all for listening.  I look forward to our continuing friendships. Ann xx

@arpie I have an older husband too, by nine years. I am his second wife. I like to refer to myself as a 'trophy wife'! Some trophy... I've landed him with two kids that aren't his own (my difficult niece and nephew) and now his wife has weird fake boobs  :/  He's a bloody saint.

Interesting, @"Janet A" .... I wonder how many of us 'childless women' just never really 'needed' children?  I would put myself in that category.  

I never expected to get married - my 'mother role models' weren't great - a blood mother who pissed off with another bloke when I was 2 (with 3 older siblings under 5) and a step mother who shafted us after our father left her VERY WELL OFF at our expense (we paid the mortgage on the family home out of our share of our father's will) - with her leaving 'our legacy' to her own children - plus just being a bit of a bitch at numerous times, even tho our 'family history' lasted 50+ years! Luckily, a friend's Mum (who took me under her wing when I attended college with her daughter) was a wonderful example of what a mother/family could actually be ......  Maybe this put a slanted interpretation on my desire to have kids?

I never actively tried to have kids & I wasn't particularly upset that when I finally went off birth control and I didn't fall pregnant.  As a youngster not long out of school, I had a 'scare' when I thought I may have been pregnant in my first sexual encounter - luckily I wasn't - but I was also pretty sure of the course of action I would take if I HAD been pregnant ..... and being totally honest, it wouldn't have involved having a child without a committed partner!

Sure, with an older husband (15 years older than me) I have to accept the fact that I will be 'on my own' in my old age & will have to organise my 'old age' life accordingly  ...... tho I do have one stepson & wife (my husband's adopted son) with whom I have a lovely relationship - but they live in NZ .... so I can't rely on them to look after me ....