Forum Discussion
Are you a breast cancer survivor who happens to be childless?
I have been a member of this online network since 2014, just after my diagnosis. At a recent breast cancer seminar at a city near where I live, something hit me like it hasn't in all this time, the subject of survivors who happen to be childless. I thought to myself, "Noone talks about this. Why?"
This has led me to do my research, as you do, I found this demographic of women are at higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer. It is explained this way, you are at a lower risk of diagnosis if you have children.
Interesting I thought, Nuns are at a higher risk of breast cancer and ovarian, not that I am a Nun but an interesting statistic that gets me thinking. Which brings me to why I am posting.
I am putting it out there in a courageous way to see if there is another like me. Courageous because for 30 years after my extensive efforts to go forth and multiply I walked away childless. The one thing I learned was to keep it to yourself as I found there were lots of people willing to give you their advice, just like they do with breast cancer 'cures', an emotive issue is best kept to yourself for your own emotional survival.
I am running a personal survey just to see if there are other women within this network who are in the same boat as me. Does anyone else feel a little left out when sitting in a seminar and not to be included in the discussions? I tell ya, there is a real sense of alienation, but culturally we are told to, 'just get over it', which is fine and life for me has been fulfilling in spite of it all.
My GP doesn't know of another single patient like me which isn't very encouraging in finding my tribe, my mother always said I am different when all you want to do is be like everyone else. So please step forward if you are like me or if you know someone who has a similar story.
I feel it is a subject that needs discussion and inclusion because in society we, the childless women are 1 in 5, by choice or by circumstance.
Cheers Janet
This has led me to do my research, as you do, I found this demographic of women are at higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer. It is explained this way, you are at a lower risk of diagnosis if you have children.
Interesting I thought, Nuns are at a higher risk of breast cancer and ovarian, not that I am a Nun but an interesting statistic that gets me thinking. Which brings me to why I am posting.
I am putting it out there in a courageous way to see if there is another like me. Courageous because for 30 years after my extensive efforts to go forth and multiply I walked away childless. The one thing I learned was to keep it to yourself as I found there were lots of people willing to give you their advice, just like they do with breast cancer 'cures', an emotive issue is best kept to yourself for your own emotional survival.
I am running a personal survey just to see if there are other women within this network who are in the same boat as me. Does anyone else feel a little left out when sitting in a seminar and not to be included in the discussions? I tell ya, there is a real sense of alienation, but culturally we are told to, 'just get over it', which is fine and life for me has been fulfilling in spite of it all.
My GP doesn't know of another single patient like me which isn't very encouraging in finding my tribe, my mother always said I am different when all you want to do is be like everyone else. So please step forward if you are like me or if you know someone who has a similar story.
I feel it is a subject that needs discussion and inclusion because in society we, the childless women are 1 in 5, by choice or by circumstance.
Cheers Janet
141 Replies
- @Janet A, thank you for your offer of help. I will let you know for sure, in fact I am quite sure I will need it. I think you and I have the same sister as mine does and says the exact same things that yours did!! I am really interested in finding out more information about the correlation between nulliparous women and BC and how being childless affects us during this time and other phases in life, i.e. growing older. I would love to join a chat that is specifically for women without children. I am sure we can offer support to each other. I have just been chatting with a Doctor who is a friend of mine and she said the following: "not breast feeding has been considered a risk factor for breast cancer not the fact of not having children" and that "Not having children (nuns disease) is a risk factor for endometrial cancer", "Breast feeding has always been cited as protective but there is meant to be a window period where breast feeding in ones 30’s may be worse than not breast feeding at all. However this is not the case in all breast cancers Nor is it even proven just a theory". I hope this information is of some interest. Regards, Ann.
- A number of my friends are childless by choice so I don't think much of it except sometimes when I'm in awe of their ability to do things when they want to. One particular friend always knew she didn't want kids and ended up having her tubes tied to make it clear to boyfriends that she wasn't going to change her mind.
- @annsan
Thank you for taking the time to write your story, it runs similar to mine and is heartening to read. Sorry to hear about your diagnosis and I too spent long periods alone with partner at shift work and hugs would have been so nice from a family member. I truly believe that family think because you have coped this long by yourself that during bc is no different? I would ask my sister to call me on third day of chemo because that was my worst day, she wouldn't but would call like 10 days later like nothing had happened, "Hi, how are you? I just wanted to punch her in the face, excuse me for saying!
You have described sincinetly how it is for childless women getting through life, I thank you.
If you need support I will check in and perhaps I can help you get through your treatment. My breast care nurse said to me, "It's all up here Janet", tapping her head. I believe it is and helped me, just a little thing but it helps.
I did IVF in the ol' days at Flinders Hospital in Adelaide, injecting into the egg had just begun, it was revolutionary stuff. I did call them to get some sort of closure and reassurance that doing IVF didn't cause cancer as my sister told me it did, of course they said no, but how do we know that? Imagine if there is a connection?
I ask what coping mechanisms, strategies are out there for childless women? I was offered three free counselling sessions and off I went into life. We are bombarded by the media to believe you are not normal unless you have a family. It's time to break that myth as we are 1 in 8 women who are childless by choice or circumstance and the number is growing. We also have great buying power like the gay community, we don't have the debt parents have so its also about time the media picked up on this we are a target market!
@kmakm thanks for the meme, makes my day xx - Saw this on Instagram and thought it was very good. I hope you don't mind me posting it here.
- Hi every-one, I have just came across this discussion and it has caught my attention. I was diagnosed in February this year with Triple Negative Grade 3 invasive carcinoma. I have had 3 chemo treatments so far with one more to go (AC) and then a month of radiotherapy. I am 56 years old with no children. I was diagnosed at age 21 with endometriosis which saw me on a slippery slope culminating in a complete pelvic clearance (ovaries and uterus) at aged 33. I have been on HRT ever since. I wanted to have children but with a partner (long since ex-partner) that was not really into IVF and ongoing gynaecological issues from the endometriosis, I never had the opportunity to try an IVF cycle. Back then of course there was no recognition from Medicare either. As I work in the medical field and strangely enough, often in Obstetrics/Gynaecology/Infertility, I have often been confronted with my childless state. I found ways to cope at work and always being interested in the science, it has been great to see the fertility treatments evolve and great success rates now being achieved. There are so many options available these days. One thing, that always did bother me though (and still does) is people's assumption that I have children. They seem to just assume that at my age I am a mother and or grandmother. Whilst I realise that is probably quite reasonable, I still find it rather annoying that people make such assumptions and in doing so can inadvertently say something slightly hurtful such as "how did you cope with a crying baby" or "what we do for our kids, eh"!! My husband and I met 10 years ago and he does not have children either, that was a deliberate choice between him and his ex-wife at the time. I too am now facing the reality of having breast cancer and no children to offer support and to give hugs. We are struggling with a lack of support from family and friends (every-one seems to think we can cope on our own) and this is becoming a real issue whilst I am on treatment. My husband has to work obviously and if I am unwell and can't drive myself somewhere, it's just too bad. I too am extremely interested in a group for women with no children. Whilst we are a bit of a rare breed we are not as rare as we used to be. Thank you @"Janet A" for starting this topic, being childless has been a lonely road for me too. You have my full support and I am in 100% with any research or surveys that I can help with. Like @arpie, I fully support a 'childless group with BC'. Over the years I have paid attention to other women with endometriosis and/or fertility issues. One thing I did notice was that endometriosis sufferers were often the youngest female sibling with an older sister who had no fertility issues. Just something I noticed and was interested in. By the way, I don't normally prattle on this much and thank you for listening if you have made it this far. :)
- I totally respect, apologies if it brought up emotions, all the very best xx
Good luck with your study and or private group but it's still a No for me - above is part of one of my comments on this thread. Your discussion post along with ex-med questionnaire has dredged up emotions that are better left behind hence I won't be on here very much from now oniserbrown said:@"Janet A"
For me personally my Breast Cancer was attributed to both being childless, which is something I am not willing to share with the world and I am sure some others may feel a little the same and my age group. I think my age group attribute would be the deciding factor if I pushed the professionals for a reason why.
The reason why was not relevant when I was diagnosed, it was about how do we get to a No Evidence of Disease and a happy ever after solution!- I think the main reason for posting in the first place is to find a place where I felt I fitted in. It has always been my aim to have a group where women can relate, not tell personal stories as such as being childless for whatever reason is a very emotive issue, but a place where we can gain information from bcna relevant to our situation and feel more comfortable in doing so.
Interestingly, this year's mothers day celebrations saw social media postings reaching out to those who may not feel mothers day is a good day for them or find themselves without children, was the first time I saw this which was nice and instead of generalizing about the day in a total commercial sense.
Thank you for your input @iserbrown I hope this helps to clarify. - Hi all
I haven't had IVF, but had thought there was a link. Just did a quick Google search, and this was the first result:
http://www.breastcancer.org/research-news/study-shows-ivf-doesnt-increase-risk
Interesting read, and relatively recent
@"Janet A", I would be interested in a group, or a private forum to chat. I think as women without children, there are some different issues, some of which I would definitely not want to discuss in a public forum
