Forum Discussion
Anniversary
Today is the first anniversary of my mammogram. I was pretty stony faced. Nine months before my sister had died from breast cancer and I was resentful of the inefficiency at the front desk, the pink positivity messages and images plastered everywhere, and the long wait, despite the fact I had an appointment. I was asked if I wanted to take part in a study comparing detection results between 2D and 3D mammograms. I'd be randomly assigned. Always happy to be part of a medical study I said yes. I got 2D.
It was a shabby shabby building, not a nice environment. The woman doing the mammogram was professional. Serious, but pleasant enough. She made small talk about kids, mine, hers. I get it, but I really didn't want to talk. I just wanted it over and done with, to get the hell out of that dingy place. The mammogram was uncomfortable but no more than that.
As I was getting dressed she said sorry, I just need to do one more. Why? The image is a bit blurred, it's not unusual, the plates might have shifted slightly. Bra off and back I went. After it was all done she wished me good luck. Why? With the teenagers she said. Oh yes, you too.
I left, recovered my mood and congratulated myself on getting it done, how efficient and good I am. Virtuous even...
The boob she re-imaged (blurred image my foot) was the right one with the tumour in it, and three weeks later I knew what the good luck wishes meant.
It's weird how the anniversaries of trauma are unsettling. I mean, time is a manmade construct and it's just another day determined by how long our planet takes to travel round the sun, right? I mentioned it to the psych on Thursday and she said the memories trigger our nervous systems to 'remember' as well, and we physically relive our response. I don't have trauma round that mammogram, but three weeks from now I won't be able to say 'this time last year I was happy' etc. My naive innocence was about to end and as I approach that time I am feeling unsettled by it.
I theory my life is better now. I'm certainly healthier with, as far as I'm aware, a body free of cancer. However in fact, I'm sadder, sorer, mutilated, diminished and more tired. It's difficult to feel it's a victory. I hope the second anniversaries are better than the first ones.
How are your anniversaries?
It was a shabby shabby building, not a nice environment. The woman doing the mammogram was professional. Serious, but pleasant enough. She made small talk about kids, mine, hers. I get it, but I really didn't want to talk. I just wanted it over and done with, to get the hell out of that dingy place. The mammogram was uncomfortable but no more than that.
As I was getting dressed she said sorry, I just need to do one more. Why? The image is a bit blurred, it's not unusual, the plates might have shifted slightly. Bra off and back I went. After it was all done she wished me good luck. Why? With the teenagers she said. Oh yes, you too.
I left, recovered my mood and congratulated myself on getting it done, how efficient and good I am. Virtuous even...
The boob she re-imaged (blurred image my foot) was the right one with the tumour in it, and three weeks later I knew what the good luck wishes meant.
It's weird how the anniversaries of trauma are unsettling. I mean, time is a manmade construct and it's just another day determined by how long our planet takes to travel round the sun, right? I mentioned it to the psych on Thursday and she said the memories trigger our nervous systems to 'remember' as well, and we physically relive our response. I don't have trauma round that mammogram, but three weeks from now I won't be able to say 'this time last year I was happy' etc. My naive innocence was about to end and as I approach that time I am feeling unsettled by it.
I theory my life is better now. I'm certainly healthier with, as far as I'm aware, a body free of cancer. However in fact, I'm sadder, sorer, mutilated, diminished and more tired. It's difficult to feel it's a victory. I hope the second anniversaries are better than the first ones.
How are your anniversaries?
194 Replies
- Did the coffee & jigsaw help @Blossom1961?
- Well that was weird. I arrive for my anniversary check up. This young guy asks me to strip off the top half and put on a gown. He then leaves, arrives back with a nurse and then has me ungown. Why have me gown up in the first place if you want to grope both sides? I have to go back in another six months, I think because the BC was so fast and aggressive. I am also booked in to see a Gyno (not sure of date) for a nine cm fibroid removal. I am not feeling in a good head space place at the moment. Physically everything is good so maybe I just need to do a jigsaw. After a coffee.
- Have A blast @Fraser It sounds like it’ll be a wonderful trip
- Same to you @Harvey1903 I am expecting it to be all good but the hospital has been a pain with my appts so I have my ECG at 10:30 then when that is finished I have to race to the other hospital for my 11:30 surgeon appt. I always have to wait at least two hours for the surgeon as he is always running late but if I am late they cancel my appt.
- Hi there @Blossom1961 - we were diagnosed the same time. I remember I had to wait until after Anzac day to make the GP appointment. I go back to the breast surgeon on Wednesday at Peter Mac. I have gathered all my info and will do the same with my (new) GP after the appointment. Good luck for tomorrow.
- Tomorrow I have my ECG and then visit my surgeon. One year from being given my BC diagnose. He will be checking the mx site for irregularities. I am thinking I might make an appointment with my GP after so that she can check it out so that if an irregularity occurs later on she will recognise it without me needing a specialist.
- We stayed for years (we are serial Biennale goers) in a little apartment near the Rialto, so easy to find but 3 trips ago we discovered the Lido. Like a small village, with the glories of the main island just a vaporetto stop
away. - I found the trick in Venice was to work out where your hotel was in relation to either the station, Piazza San Marco or the Rialto Bridge, whichever is closest. When I was there (a long time ago in the early 90s) there were signs to all three everywhere you went. So I flung myself freely into getting comprehensively 'lost' and let my feet take me where they wished! When I'd had enough, I found the appropriate sign, and headed home.
Pre-internet of course, but still much easier than looking up and down on your mobile using stacks of pricey data.
Looking forward to your photos @Afraser! K xox - Have a fab time @tigerbeth we haven't been to Spain or Portugal yet. @Afraser when we went to Venice for the day (we were in Verona) we kept getting lost, sort of! But we came out with two games you could play whilst walking around...one, spot how many public toilet signs and then see if you can find them and two, how many public seats you can find. The second was prompted by my sister and when i thought about it I couldn't remember seeing any! Amsterdam is a great place, Rijksmuseum, Van Gogh museum (I'd go back to that one in a flash), Anne Frank's house, sad but fascinating at the same time and all the higgledy piggledy old houses. Watch out when crossing the roads! Don't know whether it will be herring season but if it is...yum! Enjoy both of you!
