After my mum's recent diagnosis of pulmonary fibrosis they found a mass in her breast. Tomorrow I am taking her for a fine needle biopsy. At least I can tell her what to expect. She's already convinced she has breast cancer since I've had it. I just don't want to think about what it will mean if she's diagnosed..... It just so happens that the pain in my sternum that the dr thought was costochondritis a few weeks ago has returned. I am now convinced it is stress. All this after I finally heard yesterday that I got Dad a place in a nursing home. He's currently still in hospital and I haven't broke the news to him yet because he hasn't had too many days without delirium from his dementia. Now I am stating to have a little panic..... I so don't want to go through another cancer journey. Crossing fingers, eyes, toes and everything else that mum's lump is not BC.

Nadi it is really challenging to be caring for parents who are sick and particularly when your Mum is travelling a path that you already know so well. As frustrating as it is to be on the other side of the illness, it is still a fabulous opportunity for you to show a fantastic level of love and care for your parents. Whatever the road ahead will be for your family, you can continue to show your parents the support and amazing love that you so obviously have for them both. I'm sure that it will not be without its challenges but it's important to remember to be kind to yourself through all of this and if you begin to feel overwhelmed then perhaps find someone to talk to. I hope all goes ok with both your Mum and Dad and please let us know how they are going. Take CarePolly

Oh golly what a torrid time.So lets take stock.You have found your Dad a place so once he is in that will be 1 less stress knowing he is safe. Big sigh if relief.With your Mum no matter what the outcome you know the drill. You will be able to reassure and help because you have done it. You'll worry about the outcomes but once you know the plan you will be fine. You will. Now I know it seems impossible but you need to do something for you. A walk. Go to a movie. A swim. A massage. Lunch with a friend. Anythibg that will relax you and distract you. And do some minfulness meditation to relax. Mindshift app or Smiling minds app have some good ones you can follow. 5 mins is all you need. You are important and need to take care of you too. We are here to listen when you need to blow off steam. Kath X

Life sometimes feels like a giant game of "whack-a-mole". Get on top of one thing and another pops up. Its bloody exhausting. Good luck, Nadi, looks like those project management skills are going to get a work out. Or it could all be a false alarm which would be nice for once, wouldn't it?

Some of us are at an age where the roles are reversed and we feel like we are the parents to our parents. Heart goes out to you, understand it fully! It feels like you just roll from one drama to another! Take care xx

Nadi thinking of you, that is so hard!! Sending good vibes for everything to be ok with your Mum. It is difficult when our parents get older, Im sorry to hear about your Dad. xx Melinda

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13 Replies

Matilda54
Member
9 years ago
So pleased to hear that your mum is okay and your dad is getting settled. It's hard splitting yourself in two when there's only one of you. Try to remember the airline instruction when there's an emergency and you're a mother/carer: put the oxygen mask on you first so that you are then able to look after the others. I know it can be counter intuitive but the more energy you have the better you can care for others. Peace and love to you.
Afraser
Member
9 years ago
Such good news about your mother. It is very hard, that transition to caring for those who once cared for you, especially when you have much to handle yourself. Strength to you.
Nadi
Member
9 years ago
Hi @Matilda54. Thanks for your message. Yep I am ok. Mum's lump ended up being a large calcification which is great news. Dad has been in his nursing home for 10 days now. It has been very sad and stressful but he does have some good days. It's hard being the only child looking after elderly parents but so many other women are going through the same or worse. I am sure I will get used to all these changes in time. But I am so glad Mum doesn't have breast cancer. Take care
Matilda54
Member
9 years ago
Hi Nadi, just read your post. R u ok? How are you going? Hugs from Matti.
Collpepsi
Member
9 years ago
Nadi, my mum was diagnosed with bc in both breasts 3 years ago. She has come through the process like the trouper she is. Mum turned 80 in June. My dad has terminal cancer having started with bowel cancer and now has it in his liver and lungs. He now has weekly chemo which takes it toll on him and mum.
When I was diagnosed with bc in June it was harder telling my parents than my two girls.
Its such a hard journey for everyone and watching my dad who was a very active, strong man used to being so independent, who has been reduced to watching tv all day.
I truly hope your mum's results show no bc, but if she does like you I am sure she will stay strong.
Much strength to you and your family
primek
Member
9 years ago
Oh so glad that's one stress down...tick. now to get through the next bit. He will adjust.
wendy_h67
Member
9 years ago
Hi Nadi, so pleased to hear you had good news about you mum. I know what it is like to look after parents as they get older and rely on you for care. My parents have both passed away now but I was glad to be able to help them as much as I could when they need me. I was fortunate enough at that time to be cancer free.
I hope things will settle down now for you and you can relax a bit. Try to make time for yourself and have some 'me' time. Look after yourself.
Nadi
Member
9 years ago
Thanks for the support and great wisdom from all you kind ladies. Guess I was feeling a different kind of scanxiety for my mum. Love the whack-a-mole analogy @Zoffiel That pretty much sums up the last couple of months. But GOOD NEWS Mum didn't need a biopsy today. Looking at the mammogram and ultrasound it looked nothing like my own BC images and the radiologist who reviewed the images did his own check and was pretty sure it is just a large calcium deposit. Such a relief. Tomorrow I tell my Dad he's going into a nursing home next week which will bring its own kind of challenges, but I'll face it one step at a time.
melclarity
Member
9 years ago
Nadi thinking of you, that is so hard!! Sending good vibes for everything to be ok with your Mum. It is difficult when our parents get older, Im sorry to hear about your Dad.

xx Melinda
iserbrown
Member
9 years ago
Some of us are at an age where the roles are reversed and we feel like we are the parents to our parents. Heart goes out to you, understand it fully! It feels like you just roll from one drama to another!
Take care xx