@annsan the big problem with forums like this is they can frighten the shit out of people who are heading into treatment. It's great to be able to vent and to find you are not the only person on the planet who has a particular reaction or feels a certain way, but that isn't always useful when someone else is trying to make decisions.
I had 4 rounds of TC. But, and I think this makes a difference, I had a course of AC in 2006, did 5 years of Tamoxifen and have taken Letrazole for one year. This stuff, on top of existing injuries etc takes its toll.
Essentially the risks of making something worse--that's not actually going to kill you--can't be fully taken into consideration. You are backed into a corner; either have the treatment, or don't. There is no viable alternative that suddenly materialises when we decide we don't like the sound of what is on offer. That feeling of desperation when you find all the choices unacceptable is familiar to most of us,. It's a wretched place to be but you have to remember that everyones experiences during, and after, treatment are different. Which probably isnt thst helpful, sorry. This really is a shit of a disease.