I didnt even have chemo or radiation or any drug treatments, and i still feel very unmotivated about everything. I had a mastectomy in March and then a reconstruction with an implant in July. I could only lay in one position on my back for around 6 months, and I cant take anything hormonal for my hot flushes (natural Menopause) so I missed a lot of sleep. (I saw a discussion on here recently about sleep problems and bought the RESTAVIT tablets, they have been a godsend. Thank you!!!)
I have lost faith in my invincibility that I was sure of before this happened. I have had a wake up call on life and mortality and it has affected me deeply. I think its a real shock to be diagnosed with cancer, even stage 0. I had to take it very slowly in my recovery due to the weight of my implant and my fear it would move. I have always been a very physical person moving furniture around, smashing in star pickets in the paddock, chopping down trees, In the last 5 years I did 2 full interior and exterior house painting jobs all by myself. I was full of energy, stubbornly refusing help. Now I am constantly worried as I feel the muscle of my chest flexing in a weird way whenever I do anything strenuous. Im not quite used to it yet. Its on my right side and Im right handed. I still get on the roof and clean my own gutters, mow my lawns, but I get tired much more quickly. I am tall and have always felt strong and powerful, now I feel sort of fragile. I have a strong mind and have bounced back easily from other traumatic life events. I have barely ever been sick. I always have had some kind of exersise that Im hooked on. Just before my dx it was swimming, I was doing 1km 5 days per week. Hopefully when the water warms up a bit I will get back into it but I will do it when I am ready. I know I have a lot to be thankful and grateful for, and believe me I am, I really am. I'm not depressed or anything, just feel 'The wind has been knocked out of my sails'. My point is that some of the fog and difficulty settling back into life may just be emotional as well as physical, from general shock and trauma,as well as side effects from treatment.
