Hi Sue
I have just come across your post as I am relatively new to the site myself and have been on and off the site a bit as I struggle through my own BC journey, having now completed surgery and chemo and currently undergoing radio. I went back to read through your posts so far and am in tears reading your distress as a mum, as I know it is exactly how my own mum is feeling!
I am 34 yrs old and was diagnosed in June this year, although older than your daughter I am still my mum's baby too! I can honestly say watching my mum go through all this along side me is both immensely comforting and excruciating at the same time as I'm sure you can appreciate. As I entered the chemo ward each time and took my position in the chair, seeing the look on her face (as others in the room had that look of realisation hit their faces that it was me and not her in for treatment) was absolutely soul destroying. I felt as helpless to her as she did to me!
I too had the daunting experience of going through the fertility treatments before chemo, SO many injections and a total emotional rollercoaster! I also had to go through the Nivestim bone injections each round so again know how it feels. They are god awful, hurt like all hell and will make her body ache from head to toe worse than anyone can imagine, BUT they work wonders and I did not get sick or hospitalised when on them even when my white count dropped and I was anaemic. Hang in there and tell her to remember 'It's all temporary'. I had a needle phobia before my BC diagnosis but ended up doing all my injections myself as I felt more in control and at least I didn't have to watch anyone else do them! Needle phobia now cured!
Please remember that your beautiful girl has gone from a hugely exaggerated high of hormones while on fertility treatment to literally no hormones overnight with the start of chemo as I did. Don't take the things she says personally, I know that's hard, but it is almost uncontrollable and to express how you are feeling normally at that point is impossible! It's so overwhelming for everyone.
It's terrifying and unfair. My mum also wished it was her not me, but that doesn't change what you both have to deal with now. Stay strong and know that what your'e both doing is for the greater good, hard though it is. Just sit beside your precious girl and be there, it's all she needs right now. No words can really offer that much comfort when you feel like death going through chemo and believe me she won't know what to do to help herself, so too many questions (even well intentioned ones!) on what she needs can be beyond frustrating for her. Just be. She will ask if there is something physical you can do.
The family dynamic is difficult. My sister didn't deal well with it. She is the one used to being the centre of attention while I am always the one that likes to be 'out of sight'. I hate being in the spot light almost as much as she hates me being there taking the attention away from her! Really not my choice, bloody BC. Ha Ha, it's never easy is it! I'm glad your family is getting some outside help, it is really important everyone learns some coping strategies.
I am a local Adelaide hills lady, both mum and I are close if you or your daughter need any support along the way, even if it's just a cuppa! Please don't hesitate to get in touch if needed in any way.
You are both amazingly strong ladies, more so than you will realise at this point. Take one day at a time, drink LOADS of water (both of you!) and breathe. Sending you both huge hugs and plenty of love. Holly xxxxx
PS. Get her to suck on ice chips during chemo to help prevent mouth ulcers. Gargle with salt and bicarb rinse four times a day, suck on fruit tingles and don't eat any of her favourite foods! She may never want to eat them again as everything tastes awful and you associate it when chemo finishes!
