Forum Discussion

dodg113's avatar
dodg113
Member
5 years ago

husband not coping with my physical appearance since failed reconstruction

Hi
I had a mastectomy and immediate reconstruction on breast that was prev radiated - I was aware of risk might fail and  unfortuantely that has happened.
'I am left with a mound with nipple and v confronting to look at as sort of collapsed on itself.
My husband is really struggling with my appearance and cant bear to look at it.
I think he has been in denial  and now cant avoid fact.. he is quite angry and tells me is more that he is put off/disgusted by fact have put on weight(about 8kg) that fact have no breast.
Does anyone know of a support group for partners/husbands or any ideas how I can support him? 
He is v resistant to counselling....:(
mastectomy
partners
Reconstruction
support-groups
  • ddon's avatar
    ddon
    Member
    5 years ago
    I feel for you and your husband both. It is easy to just say ‘well, I am the one whose life has been turned upside down and my body mutilated ‘ but you are being very understanding by wanting to find support for him. Men - In my experience - feel very much the need to ‘fix’ things and they struggle so much with the fact that this can’t be fixed. It’s out of their hands and when they feel helpless they can get angry or just irrational maybe. They need to lay blame on something concrete. 
    My husband has had support by friends but he hasn’t tended to talk about how he feels. I think gradually over the year he has just come to terms with it all - I have had both breasts off, gained a few kilos on chemo, and generally became a tireder, slower version of myself. He realises he might not have me for the long haul so he has to just appreciate me now however I come 😊 I hope you can find some incidental support if your husband isn’t one for counselling. Mine isn’t either. Take care.