How to get a clearer picture?

Hey everyone My name is Jess, I am 24 and I joined this group because my mother has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and I am looking for some advice. When she was first diagnosed, she was given the option of having a mastectomy straight up or trying chemo every three weeks to see if they could shrink it and just do a partial mastectomy instead. She chose to try chemo first. They did a bone scan, heart and PET scan to help choose the right drugs for her and in the process discovered that there are a few patches of the cancer on her lungs as well. The plan has now been changed to chemo every week starting next week, and after that they will see what to do from there. Her chemo drug will be Abraxane and she is also going to have Herceptin. What I am a little confused about is her chemo nurse doesn’t seem to think she will have surgery after the chemo anymore and I’m wondering if anyone has any idea why? I asked mum and she said ‘Oh they will just check once the chemo is done and see what surgery they need to do’ but I thought that was the plan the whole time. I’m thinking either Mum has misunderstood or perhaps they can’t operate now it has spread and she just doesn’t want to tell us. Would they not remove the main tumour anyway even though it has spread? Or would that cause more problems? Also, she keeps saying ‘its just specks on my lungs, not an actual tumour, the chemo will clear it up’, does the size of the one on her lungs really make a difference? My understanding was that once it has spread, you can’t really get rid of it and treatment would be more about managing it like a chronic condition. I did get my medical degree from Google University though, so I don’t really understand. Between Mum misunderstanding what she is told and also being too scared to tell my sister and I the more negative stuff (neither of which I begrudge her at all), it is really hard to get a clear picture of what is going on and I’m feeling a bit bewildered and scared and in the dark. Would it be out of line of me to speak to her doctor myself? The thing is my sister and I are both 7-8 hours away from her (in opposite directions!) so I am a bit limited in what I can do from here. We will be with her the week of her second chemo session so maybe I should try to get some more info then. I just don’t know. What would you suggest? Thanks in advance