Forum Discussion
Goodbye, Mum
It's over. My beautiful Mum died on 14 December last year and I still can't believe I'm writing that... that it happened.
Life without her still seems incomprehensible!
She was in a lot of pain at the end, but eventually was sedated and medicated and slipped into a deep sleep. She died with my three brothers and Dad and I all standing around her bed with our hands on her, tears streaming down our faces, telling her we loved her. That brings me a lot of comfort - she was surrounded by love, love, love, and we were all together.
My heart is breaking.
In the end, the brain mets were making her say and do funny things, but I'm grateful my last conversation with her was about just her and I spending time together the next morning and having a coffee. Just us two girls, just like we've done since I was born!
Receiving her death certificate in the mail was hard, it said so plainly that she died from metastatic breast cancer, 17 months since diagnosis. I remembered back to that diagnosis day, how we were so shellshocked and afraid but she was so brave and determined!
I have a wealth of memories and a legacy of love from her. Sometimes I remember that and smile and cry. Sometimes I just miss her so much that there is no smiling, only crying.
It was the most beautiful funeral! It was a real celebration of Mum as a wonderful wife, a brilliant mum, a competitive spirit, an inspiring teacher, a humourous lady who loved a good giggle and someone who above all else loved her family. We were all proud of how we farewelled her. My brother arranged all the music, sang and played piano and it was so beautiful... another sang, my youngest brother carried the coffin out with my Dad and I gave the eulogy.
What can I say but that I love her. I have been profoundly affected by seeing her fight breast cancer and by seeing her die. I don't feel like a 'motherless daughter' like I thought I would, I feel like I have a wonderful Mum who is just not with me anymore. There are so many milestones that will break my heart to go through without her. There are so many ordinary moments that break my heart, too. There's a Winnie the Pooh quote that comes to mind... "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."
16 Replies
- My heart really goes out to you & your family.. My lil sis died of cancer 2 years ago & her daughter is the same age as you & it is very hard for her at times as it will be for you. they were also very close...all I can say is thank God for memories & time does heal... Your mum will always be there but in a different way..take care love...big (((hugs)))Christine:) xox
Life, isnt it so unexpected? For some reason I just never imagined life to be as tough as it has been, and always back up that comment with, "Its not what goes wrong in life, its how I handle it!". I still have so many people I love on the planet and out there, living, so I am truly grateful for that. No words can ever soothe the grief of losing a parent, and I am yet to be there, my Mum had Breast Cancer at 55 and she just turned 75!
Last year, just after I finished my treatment for BC, my husbands best friend died, and he was only 42 and fit, and he lost some one who was as important in his life as I. It is so random, and without reason, but we all truly can identify with the emotion of saying good bye forever, to the person some of us are the most closest to of all, their mother.
I read you message and I know that you too have been lucky and had a wonderful time with you Mum, and those memories will stay for all time. Only time will help you to pick up the pieces, and adjust. Take care. XX Bel
Life, isnt it so unexpected? For some reason I just never imagined life to be as tough as it has been, and always back up that comment with, "Its not what goes wrong in life, its how I handle it!". I still have so many people I love on the planet and out there, living, so I am truly grateful for that. No words can ever soothe the grief of losing a parent, and I am yet to be there, my Mum had Breast Cancer at 55 and she just turned 75!
Last year, just after I finished my treatment for BC, my husbands best friend died, and he was only 42 and fit, and he lost some one who was as important in his life as I. It is so random, and without reason, but we all truly can identify with the emotion of saying good bye forever, to the person some of us are the most closest to of all, their mother.
I read you message and I know that you too have been lucky and had a wonderful time with you Mum, and those memories will stay for all time. Only time will help you to pick up the pieces, and adjust. Take care. XX Bel
Rochelle-Anne, I have tears streaming down my face reading your post. I know how hard it is to lose a parent, my father passing away when I was 29 and I still miss him every single day. He was an entertainer and I am fortunate that I have his records and I listen to his music and singing often. So my children know him through his music too.
Your mother sounded like a wonderful lady and I just don't understand why this horrid thing has to happen to such beautiful people. It's so unfair.
My heart is swelling with sympathy for you darling girl. But remember your mum is always alive in your heart. Her spirit lives on in you and your family. It does get easier And you will smile when you think of her more often than crying.
Sending love and hugs Janey xxx
Rochelle-Anne, I have tears streaming down my face reading your post. I know how hard it is to lose a parent, my father passing away when I was 29 and I still miss him every single day. He was an entertainer and I am fortunate that I have his records and I listen to his music and singing often. So my children know him through his music too.
Your mother sounded like a wonderful lady and I just don't understand why this horrid thing has to happen to such beautiful people. It's so unfair.
My heart is swelling with sympathy for you darling girl. But remember your mum is always alive in your heart. Her spirit lives on in you and your family. It does get easier And you will smile when you think of her more often than crying.
Sending love and hugs Janey xxx
- I remember reading your previous post with awe. Thinking what an amazing young lady you were. I am so sorry for your loss. Your farewell to your Mum sounded beautiful, you obviously have a close family. I am sure your Mum would be so proud of you and took comfort knowing you would be there for each other. Sending you love. Paula x
Sorry to hear about your Mum, I lost my Mum to breast cancer when I was 15. There are so many things I wish she had of been here to see. Memories are wonderful things and you will have those to help console you. Time does heal, cherish those memories, my love to you and your family,
Love Hazel xx
Sorry to hear about your Mum, I lost my Mum to breast cancer when I was 15. There are so many things I wish she had of been here to see. Memories are wonderful things and you will have those to help console you. Time does heal, cherish those memories, my love to you and your family,
Love Hazel xx
