So many questions in life
Why?
My first question and a one that will never be answered and the doctor's can't answer. No one knows why I have such an aggresive cancer and that has always stuck with me; daily I think about why and how. It can be depressing sometimes and other times it's annoying.
I began to research about cancer while I was going through stages of surgery, chemo and radio and I found out a load of information from the internet and Facebook support groups. Unfortunately being the internet you don't know what's true and false. So many stories on remedies, patients' testimonials on YouTube foods, medicines that doctors' won't tell you . . . the list goes on. Example: cancer is a fungus; cancer is brought on by a bad immune system; everyone has cancer of some sort in their body that lays until something disrupts/disturbs it and grows; introduction to fast food; 100yrs ago cancer was almost unheard of but with the introduction of pesticides, chemicals, artificial colours and flavours in our foods cancer statistics have gone through the roof and not just cancer but other aliments in the body.
So overwhelming!!
During my double breast reconstruction phase I developed an infection in my left breast impant and was rushed to the Queen Liz hosital (my second home) where once again my infection was unexplained. Why did I get an infection? My plastic sureon was baffled.
I spent days thinking about what I might have done to bring it on but nothing stood out. Was it something I done, ate, didn't keep my immune system in top shape or slept on my chest wrong and torn something that cause a reaction or was it my body fighting the foreign body?
After all the turmoil and pain I gradually gained my strength back and went back to work. I must admit I was lax with my health and thought I wouldn't get cancer again, surely. I was informed ovarian cancer would be a possibility and I should try for children asap.
I was mentally and financially setting myself up for children then as I started to settle into my new job then in Oct 2012 my back began to hurt really badly. At the time I was taking monthly doses of Xoladex and one of the side effects was back pain. Since the pain was significant I called my Oncologist explaining my pain and she immediately scheduled a bone and CT scan.
Waiting for the results I was just hoping for news that I could stop the injection because the side effects were terrible but instead they found cancers in my hip, skull and liver.
Well, my world turned upside down again. I thought certainly that would be the end of me.
Roughly 7 months after my second diagnosis I don't work and have a new outlook on life yet I'm still riddled with questions. Why? Why has my cancer returned to my bones and liver? I spent days thinking was it something I had done in the past to bring on my cancer? I believe everything happens for a reason and thinking about the links between my father's side of the family having a faulty gene and me. My father died of liver cancer and with research I found out he carried the faulty gene BRCA 2. His mother died from breast cancer in her 60's. My mum said my nanna was aware of her cancer yet didn't seek treatment and she eventually died from cancer in the brain; it had spread. I found out that liver cancer is not brought on out of the blue; it's rare and liver cancer begins because of other cancer's in the body spread to other organs. So what else did my father suffer from? I had no idea because of the lack of contact with that side of my family. Once I was born my lame ass father left mum. There's a big chunk of my life I should've found out sooner. . . .
I think I'd better stop it there for now :)
