Docetaxol was hell but now it's over I'm miserable
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janinaj
Member Posts: 75 ✭
So, Docetaxol turned out to be almost as bad as AC. I actually found myself in a back spasm that lasted for an entire night. The pain was unbearable. Bone and joint pain is one thing but the lower back pain that came with the spasm was just beyond the pale.
My neuropathy also got worse so after seeing the Doc on Tuesday, I am officially finished chemo.
I say this with mixed emotions because, due to all of the probs over the weeks with paclitaxel I ended up only doing 7/12doses and one Docetaxol...... My brain is having difficulty accepting that this is enough, that I've killed the (expletive) and it's not coming back...
So, now I'm just in a major funk. Sure, I start radiation sometime in the next month (need to wait a week to see the rad Onc, then do scans and then start) and so that will be like I'm fighting the cancer once again, but still... I'm just majorly depressed....
I can't work out what it is...
Is it that I'm starting back at work next week in a job that I swore I would quit? Sure, sounded like an awesome idea at the time but now that I've been beaten up repeatedly for the past 8mths I'm feeling less than adequate or up to the task of finding something different and it's not as though money grows on trees while your chasing your dreams and making massive life changes....
So, I'm just down in the dumps. On the one hand I figure, it's probably fairly normal to feel this way. On the other, it really sucks.
My neuropathy also got worse so after seeing the Doc on Tuesday, I am officially finished chemo.
I say this with mixed emotions because, due to all of the probs over the weeks with paclitaxel I ended up only doing 7/12doses and one Docetaxol...... My brain is having difficulty accepting that this is enough, that I've killed the (expletive) and it's not coming back...
So, now I'm just in a major funk. Sure, I start radiation sometime in the next month (need to wait a week to see the rad Onc, then do scans and then start) and so that will be like I'm fighting the cancer once again, but still... I'm just majorly depressed....
I can't work out what it is...
Is it that I'm starting back at work next week in a job that I swore I would quit? Sure, sounded like an awesome idea at the time but now that I've been beaten up repeatedly for the past 8mths I'm feeling less than adequate or up to the task of finding something different and it's not as though money grows on trees while your chasing your dreams and making massive life changes....
So, I'm just down in the dumps. On the one hand I figure, it's probably fairly normal to feel this way. On the other, it really sucks.
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