Paranoia

Chris P

So back on the chemo wagon today after my week off last week. Finally got to meet my oncologist, she seems very nice, apart from her cold hands! My bloods were good, when she examined my boob she couldn't feel the hitchhiker, but that is probably due to being a bit bruised after the biopsy last week. She asked me if I had felt a difference in it and I had to admit to her rather shamefaced that I make a point of not feeling it. When I was first diagnosed I copping a feel every five minutes and slapping it out for all and sundry to look at and feel. In fact the funniest was at work in my bosses office ( she had cancer a few years ago and has been very supportive), she is standing there with her hand inside my bra and we look up to see some very disturbed students standing there with their mouths open! That took some explaining! Now though I hate to touch it, I'm fed up with it, it's boring me and I resent the fact that it's trying to define me and turn me into a victim. That is not gonna happen bitch! I've always said god help anyone that tries to mug me cos if I'm going downi will make it worth my while and get a good Glasgow kiss in first. so that's how I see the hitchhiker right now, trying to make me a victim, trying to mug me and knock me off my feet, well you're not getting my lunch money today! What I have noticed is that I'm turning a bit paranoid, I sneeze or cough and two seconds later I have the thermometer stuck in my mouth. On the train today someone was coughing their guts up, I wanted to shove their bag over their heads and yell "UNCLEAN!UNCLEAN! " I didn't though I just shuffled closer to the window!, therefore managing to avoid arrest successfully!