It's not just about us
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Deanne
Member Posts: 2,163 ✭
I am staying with my 19 year old daughter while I undergo some treatment for lymphedema this week. It has given us a chance to talk about the past year and how we both feel about it. Two things have emerged as having affected how she dealt with my diagnosis and how she is feeling now.
While I was undergoing treatment I was very conscious of how my reactions might affect my family. This helped me to take a positive approach and do everything I could to help myself. I exercised during and after my treatment and this helped me emotionally as well as physically. My daughter had just started Uni and moved out of home 3 months before my diagnosis. She said that seeing me treat having breast cancer as a challenge rather than feeling like I was helpless helped her to take this approach to her new studies.
Interesting enough though just as many of us have it hit home after we finish treatment, I think this happened for her in a way also. Near the end of my treatment she completed her first year of Uni and also met her wonderful boyfriend. She thought phew things are taking a turn for the better, life is getting easier. BUT she then found she lost her drive that had sustained her during the tough time. It has taken her a few months of feeling 'what now' to work this out.
She also felt let down by extended family and most of her friends who she felt did not give her the support she needed during the tough times. Maybe because she looked like she was handling everything so well! She said it would have made such a difference for people to just ask about how everything was going, just so she knew they cared. She felt a degree of anger about this which she has been working through. We spoke about how hard it is to communicate to others what you need from them.
While my immediate family were a fantastic support to me (we did communicate really well with each other about our feelings during our crisis) the lack of support for them made a tough year even tougher. For now it has affected their relationships with some of our extended family. I hope in time we can get past the feelings of hurt and disappointment.
It is not just about us. Our family and close friends endure many of the same emotional challenges.
Take care and take care all those wonderful support people out there too.
Deanne xxx
While I was undergoing treatment I was very conscious of how my reactions might affect my family. This helped me to take a positive approach and do everything I could to help myself. I exercised during and after my treatment and this helped me emotionally as well as physically. My daughter had just started Uni and moved out of home 3 months before my diagnosis. She said that seeing me treat having breast cancer as a challenge rather than feeling like I was helpless helped her to take this approach to her new studies.
Interesting enough though just as many of us have it hit home after we finish treatment, I think this happened for her in a way also. Near the end of my treatment she completed her first year of Uni and also met her wonderful boyfriend. She thought phew things are taking a turn for the better, life is getting easier. BUT she then found she lost her drive that had sustained her during the tough time. It has taken her a few months of feeling 'what now' to work this out.
She also felt let down by extended family and most of her friends who she felt did not give her the support she needed during the tough times. Maybe because she looked like she was handling everything so well! She said it would have made such a difference for people to just ask about how everything was going, just so she knew they cared. She felt a degree of anger about this which she has been working through. We spoke about how hard it is to communicate to others what you need from them.
While my immediate family were a fantastic support to me (we did communicate really well with each other about our feelings during our crisis) the lack of support for them made a tough year even tougher. For now it has affected their relationships with some of our extended family. I hope in time we can get past the feelings of hurt and disappointment.
It is not just about us. Our family and close friends endure many of the same emotional challenges.
Take care and take care all those wonderful support people out there too.
Deanne xxx
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Another thought provoking post! My 20 year old daughter rings me up often and I hear her worry. I'm still in treatment and there is more surgery and radiotherapy to go. I feel I'm going with the flow so am perfectly happy at the moment. I regularly try to reassure her that everything is going to plan and that I'm up to whatever is required and have plenty of energy to attend the 21st.
I will be listening more carefully next time she calls and ask her how she's going.0
