Apathy and exhaustion
Hello Lovelies,
Am blogging again to give you the good news.
My oncologist halved my alphapress (kidney medication) yesterday as instead of being hypertensive, since having the cancer removed, I was hypotensive for the first time in my life. 87/65. I take Alphapress, Cartia, Lercan, Lipitor, Micardis, Natrilix, Neomercazole, Pantoprazole, SpanK, Magnesium, Caltrate Plus, Womens Multi. So halving Alphapress is a big issue for me as I take so many tablets during the day.
My blood pressure can be 250/125 uncontrolled.
I saw the cancer psychologist regarding my aggro attitude, and was delighted and reminded about the experience I am having, during this moment of life.
She said, " The person you were angry with is not your best friend, family or life partner and is no doubt NOT losing any sleep that you lost your temper with him. Once this treatment is over, you'll never have anything to do with him again."
We both agreed that this was the case.
I was relieved from the release of victim, persecutor, rescuer triangle.
I kept on making excuses for this person's inability to do his job properly. Instead of making my life easier, he was making it more confused and difficult, with me having to clean up his mess, even with chemo brain.
It was frustrating and infuriating. Carolyn understood this and released me from any sort of obligation to apologise for this outburst of anger anymore.
I have had solid euphoria and peace since then. I now have another angel organising and helping with my transport and shopping trips on Wednesdays, after my Taxol. Angela knows how to be a true carer and stands in integrity. 
I may have "Blat Brain" but know darn well when I have phoned to make a booking for transport. I was tired that the bookings weren't actually written down or phoned through to the Care Agency in Sydney. Not now. Everything's been sorted out and is running like clockwork.
My sinuses are still a little sore. My joints and muscles are hurting but am taking panadol osteo tabs and relaxing as much as possible.
Am still waking up at 2-3am but just watch some tv and relax anyway.
Having huge gratitude that I don't have leukemia. Met Roy who comes to the Day Unit for haemoglobin top ups every 3 weeks. I sat and had a chat with him. Such a lovely man. If I could have a kind Dad, he would be like Roy. His spirit sparkled in his eyes.
My love goes out to you all and especially to Maggie. Maggie had her first dose of AC yesterday and didn't want to be in the Day Unit. I told her I understand, not to be afraid. We all recall our first dose of chemotherapy drugs. It be scarey. I feel like an old hand now.
Sending you all my best and encouragement to watch the document "88" on ABC1 at 8.30pm, Thursday 30th January, 2014.