A Bit worn out

I found getting my groceries online was a tremendous help whilst I was having chemo. I also have an elderly friend who I knew would want to help me in some way, so I asked her to get me fresh produce from the local markets each week when she went. She felt valued and this was something that she could do for me.

Please be kind to yourself.

Helen.

I found getting my groceries online was a tremendous help whilst I was having chemo. I also have an elderly friend who I knew would want to help me in some way, so I asked her to get me fresh produce from the local markets each week when she went. She felt valued and this was something that she could do for me.

Please be kind to yourself.

Helen.

Get intouch with your local Cancer Council, that are a wealth of ideas, help and phone numbers of people to help you.  I discovered that there are often ladies who are volunteers attached to the Cancer Council who will do things for you if you get stuck.  If both of you are that unwell, they give you a grant some times to get free cleaners in, or a one of payment which will pay for grocery delivery.  Each area is different.

I know EXACTLY how you are feeling because we had just moved and I didnt have any friends to help.  I was saved by my elderly parents who nursed me through 2 months at the start, my husband fell apart, and could only cope with going to a full time job, and paying the bills for me.  The 2 couples he knew before moving here didnt do one thing.  I recently had one of the ladies say, "After all the support I gave you during your Chemo!"  and  after I heard that one several times I asked her "When did you sweep my floor, do my washing, clean my house or help me?  When I had Cancer it was a major drama getting the food, no-one even brought a carton of milk!"  (we lived a 40 minute drive out of Launceston).  So I was in that situation.

 Apparently new mums with babies have the same problem.  People turn up with flowers, sit on their but and dont offer to do anything!  When you have Cancer, and your husband is that sick, you will discover who are real friends, and who arent.  I am sure, as I did.  But I was ok with that, as I had a friend in my recent past who had had Cancer, and I hadnt been there for her.  So it goes both ways.  But wow the new friends I have made through going regularly to the Cancer Council and meeting people are outstanding!

I am astounded that you actually did go shopping because I was warned against going out into Supermarkets or swimming in a pool due to our challenged immune system.

 I may as well have been "over the limit" on some occasion whilst driving a car, and I wouldnt have had the energy to do it!   I am sure you can place an order, and then get some one to pick it up, if you dont want to order on line.  On line would make sense because at the moment, you both need carers!

Pushing yourself during treatment isnt recommended, even if you draw the short straw because of your husbands op.  I would take the icy plunge and ring a couple of people you call "friends" and ask them, could you possibly have to the time to do some shopping for me, we really need the help?  Split the list into 2 and get 2 different people to do it.

To be honest, I found that the strangers I met through the Northern Cancer Support Centre (CANCER COUNCIL) and the Community Nurses who came to my house for free, were truly out of this world.  Those who have experienced Cancer themselves, or involved in some way, seem to be happier to help because they UNDERSTAND.  I didnt get any help from workmates at all either.  Cups of coffee arent help!

I totally understand your frustrations, and hey, I too looked a bit sick for a short time, and I look ok again now.  I felt really sorry for myself and cried at times,  when I was bald some days, but we all surprise ourselves with our own strength, determination and abilities to survive at time!  Best of luck xx Bel

I had trouble (still do) with even writing a list let alone DOING the shopping. I was very fortunate to have my eldest daughter to help out with the shopping and cooking when needed. I agree with what everyone has said about asking for help. Often people are just not sure how they can help but are only too happy to do it really. Janey's suggestion of ringing the cancer council is a great idea. The idea of getting meals delivered seems a sensible idea with both you and your partner out of action. Do not try and do too much as the last half of chemo can be quite challenging on your already embattled body. Hope you can find some assistance to get through the next few weeks. Take care. Deanne xxx

I had trouble (still do) with even writing a list let alone DOING the shopping. I was very fortunate to have my eldest daughter to help out with the shopping and cooking when needed. I agree with what everyone has said about asking for help. Often people are just not sure how they can help but are only too happy to do it really. Janey's suggestion of ringing the cancer council is a great idea. The idea of getting meals delivered seems a sensible idea with both you and your partner out of action. Do not try and do too much as the last half of chemo can be quite challenging on your already embattled body. Hope you can find some assistance to get through the next few weeks. Take care. Deanne xxx

I used to online shop when I did chemo. One day it was delivered to the wrong address in my street. A lady knocked on my door to tell me my groceries were at her house. She took one look at my bandana clad head, and lymphedema bandaged arm and got in her car, drove back to her house, brought all the groceries back to me and brought them all into my kitchen. It was so nice of her. Sometimes complete strangers help us more. I agree people disappear as they don't know what to say or do. Rest up when you can, and if people do ask if they can help, give them your grocery list :) Take care Paula 

 

 

 

 

My heart goes out to you. As everyone has said, you did well to get to the shops. There must be support out there for you Hazel. Perhaps you could called the Cancel Helpline and ask for information about finding services in your area that may be available to you like 'meals on wheels' or home delivery services, volunteers and home cleaning. Or the local community may have something. If you don't ask you won't know :)

Hazel I know you want to do as much as you can but don't overdo it. You're right in the middle of your treatment and you don't want to end up in hospital and away from you darling partner. This is such a stressful, tough time for you both. I just wish there was more I could do other than send you my love and what comfort these replies give you.

Remember

 

Love Janey xxx

 

 

I agree with Jan.You did well to even get to the shops! And yes,sometimes people avoid us,because they are not really sure what to do or say.When you are tired Hazel,everything can get on top of you,so try to rest up if you can,or at least get a good nights sleep.I understand what you mean by the mirrors.Some days I am quite okay with how I look,then other days I feel quite upset about it.For me the days when I am tired,I am always worse,or even on the days when the sun isn't shining!Dont be too hard on yourself Hazel.Try to do just what you need to do,and the rest can wait!!!Sending you a big hug.xoxoxo. Robyn.

I agree with Jan.You did well to even get to the shops! And yes,sometimes people avoid us,because they are not really sure what to do or say.When you are tired Hazel,everything can get on top of you,so try to rest up if you can,or at least get a good nights sleep.I understand what you mean by the mirrors.Some days I am quite okay with how I look,then other days I feel quite upset about it.For me the days when I am tired,I am always worse,or even on the days when the sun isn't shining!Dont be too hard on yourself Hazel.Try to do just what you need to do,and the rest can wait!!!Sending you a big hug.xoxoxo. Robyn.

You're a champion even being able to get to the shops, let alone working out what to buy.
Don't knock yourself out in your good week.

Remember that sometimes people disappear because they don't know what to say or do. Is there anyone that you can ask for some help. It's hard to do the asking, but you might find that it works out better than you imagine.  Sometimes friends may feel better if they have something concrete that they can do for you. I did quite a bit of online & phone shopping & had things delivered.

Best wishes & good luck.

Jan