Emotional roller coaster
Physically I am getting there but I just realized that my emotions are still as raw as the skin on my chest after 25 zaps of radiation.
This weekend I have a work Christmas function, an extended family Christmas party and my daughter's 21st birthday. I am looking forward to all of these events and will see many people for the first time since my diagnosis 7 months ago. So all should be good but for some reason I keep tearing up and am really worried that it might be a very emotional weekend. I don't want to ruin happy occasions for everyone so how do I pull myself together and concentrate on all the positives?
Could it be the tamoxifen?
Help! Deanne xxx
Comments
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Hi Deanne, as you know, i am a newbie to all this, so i can't offer any reasons why you would be feeling like this. But i am sending you a big hug and i'm sure everything will go well for you this weekend. You have helped so many others on this site, you deserve every joy coming your way. You won't ruin the happy occasions, people will be so overjoyed to see you and i think lots and lots of hugs are coming your way:)
Hazel xx
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Hi Deanne, Sorry I can't be of much help to you. I am 5 years on now and I still can get teary when talking about it. I think it is just me. I get teary at the happiest of times, a new grandchild, weddings, etc.
Just be yourself and I am sure people will understand. You are doing fine in my book.
Jill xx
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Hi Deanne
Like Robyn said, you have been such a great help to so many people on this site..including me! I read that it is after treatment is over that our emotions are affected even more so.....I guess this is when we have time to think about all that we have been through and what a struggle it all is!
Tamoxifen is my next phase after chemo is done...so will be looking out for your adivce on that too! I am an emotional person already...cry at the kids movies...so it will be interesting times I'm sure!
Enjoy your celebrations...but remember to rest up too and look after you!
Hugs, Jenny x
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Hi Deanne,
I know exactly how you are feeling (pretty sure anyway). I too feel that I am totally in control most days. But find the oddest things set me off & for a while I got slightly embarrassed & annoyed with myself. However lately I have decided that if I can't control it I will just let it go when & wherever & I know I will be fine once I have let it out. I am sure you will be too. I suggest don't worry about the what ifs, just enjoy your weekend celebrations whatever or however your emotions decide to show themselves. We have been through a lot & I don't think anyone will begrudge you a few tears & too bad if they do.
Take care & be yourself no matter what & enjoy good times.
Carolyn xx0 -
Hi Deanne,
You might really surprise yourself. Sometime when you have to share the painful/stressful/tough stories - you will find that extra bit of strength within and actually see how far you have come. If you feel down rest up, have a little cry then visualise this picture..... it's bound to make your smile and dry those tears.
I am not sure I would want to be a 'Hotdog' ;-)
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In my experience, emotions can be set- off for a variety of reasons and often I become a total mess for no apparent reason when I've been quite strong and stable for weeks. Go with the flow and don't put pressure on yourself to be strong. Take your tissues and see what happens. Hope you enjoy yourself,
Xxx
Jeanine0 -
Deanne simply enjoy the moments. I am usually pretty good, however, at times become emotional for no good reason at all. Just let everyone love you.
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Oh darlin,just do a lot of crying now so you'll be all cried out by the weekend. I do think Tamoxifen can mess with your emotions when you first start it. I also think I'd be abit overwhelmed with 3 functions over 1 weekend! I can remember Christmas 2010,still quite bald and feeling abit vulnerable,having to face the rounds of parties.You'll be ok but probably tired. My drivers licence AND my passport came up for renewal when my hair was only about 2cms in length.My husband and I had our passport photos taken at the same time. When I saw mine I burst into tears-I looked terrible.Then I looked at my husband's photo and it was alot worse so I began to laugh histerically.Poor husband had to usher me quickly out of the shop.You know,every time I have to show my passport I wait to see if I'll be questioned cos surely I don't look like the photo - but sadly,I never do.So the moral of the story? be happy when you look at your driver's licence cos you will soon look like that photo again. Hope your weekend is terrific.
Sending lots of hugs and best wishes your way, Tonya xx
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I know how you are feeling. My emotions are all over the shop too. I am on Femara but I do think it has a lot to do with it like Tamoxifen as well as this whole, long journey.
I was a bundle of nerves on Tuesday when I was invited into morning tea at work with the whole School (at La Trobe Uni). I hadn't seen a lot of my colleagues all year and I was quite terrified. Nearly didn't go. I cried like a baby the night before thinking stupid thoughts. So silly. Well it turned out to be a wonderful morning and I had many tears (laughing and crying) with those wonderful people. They were so happy to see me and I was so chuffed at their comments. I got so many hugs that my ribs were sore.
But wow Deanne, can you pack it in! Three functions this weekend! If we have seen what a beautiful, caring person you are to complete strangers here, I've no doubt that the people you are seeing this weekend (family and friends) will be so happy to see you it won't matter whether you cry or not. Just be yourself, you are lovely!
Sending you lots of hugs
Janey xxx0 -
Here is a big((( hug))) as I don't know what advice to give you, because I am the same...enjoy your functions love.. like everyone says, people are just going to be very happy to see you.. Christine:)x
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Here is a big((( hug))) as I don't know what advice to give you, because I am the same...enjoy your functions love.. like everyone says, people are just going to be very happy to see you.. Christine:)x
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Reading your comments and hearing that many of you feel the same with emotions bubbling over is so reassuring. To have come so far without falling apart (well just for little moments here and there) it was a bit of a worry to feel a bit out of control.
I think Tonya really summed it up with the word vulnerable. I am stepping out from my safe haven of close family and friends and that definitely makes me feel vulnerable. I am facing another unknown of how people will react when they see the post BC version of me.
The one thing I have learnt out of my experience though is that you can face anything if you have support. I will head off to tonight (work function) with my wonderful husband and the support of all you wonderful ladies.
Thank-you all. Deanne xxxooo0 -
Enjoy it Deanne, you deserve it x0
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I have just passed my one year anniversary and find that I still get emotional at times. It is difficult if its a work situation but with family you will blitz it, there is so much support there that it just smoothes thigns out for us.
I am sure the drugs are part of it but I also think that we have been through so much that sometimes its ovewhlming when we talk about it to others.
Enjoy your weekend and especially the 21st that is such a special time in our family lives.
love
Donna
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I have just passed my one year anniversary and find that I still get emotional at times. It is difficult if its a work situation but with family you will blitz it, there is so much support there that it just smoothes thigns out for us.
I am sure the drugs are part of it but I also think that we have been through so much that sometimes its ovewhlming when we talk about it to others.
Enjoy your weekend and especially the 21st that is such a special time in our family lives.
love
Donna
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