New Diagnosis
Hi I am Mandy and I was given the diagnosis of Breast Cancer yesterday afternoon. I am 44 and have two children 17 and 13.
The lump was found on routine mammogram and confirmed as Invasive Ductal Carcinoma on biopsy. It is 14mm in size and initial ultrasound suggests localised.
I am petrified of what is coming. I am feeling very depressed and I have no idea how I am going to get through this. I am certain I am going to be told my cancer has spread and I am going to die.
Did anyone else feel like that?
I am seeing my GP Tuesday for referral to a surgeon.
I really can't believe I am going through this.
Needing supportxxx
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Hello Mandy,and welcome to BCNA online network.On the 2nd ofSeptember,I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma also.Mine was 17mm,and thankfully hadn't spread.It was classified as a grade 2 tumour.I was absolutely petrified,and turned to the ladies on here for support.I had never been sick a day in my life until this.On the 17th of Sep I had a mastectomy,which was nowhere near as bad as you would think,and then 4 weeks after my surgery I started my chemo. I am about halfway through,and I am going ok:)The best advice I can give you is to try and stay busy,and look to the ladies on here who have been there and done it before!The positive is that your tumour is under 2mm,and that the ultrasound suggests it is localised.Mine was the same.When I have finished my chemo,I will be going on to have Hormonal therapy for 5 years,as my cancer is estrogen and progesterone positive.It is normal to be scared,but over the next few days,and after you have met with your surgeon,you will have a plan put together,and then you will see that you will start to feel more in control and less terrified.Keep blogging on here Mandy,and there will be lots of other ladies that will come on and support you also.You will get through this.xoxoxSending you hugs.Robyn:)0
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Thanks Robyn, I really need to hear positive stories. I have been reading many survivor stories and it helps. I guess like everyone I just want someone to say the risk of spread this early is minimal. I am focussing on some Asthma symptoms that I have had for 12 months and I have managed to convince myself it's lung secondaries.
A bit more information is that I am a nurse and have seen all the disaster stories so I need to hear and see lots of successful ones and start to believe it can be me too.
How good is the Ultrasound at picking up nodes?
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Hi Mandy.
I think we've all been through that absolute shock, and feeling of disbelief that this is really happening to me. Then your mind can just spin out of control, and before you know it, you've constructed a 'story' about the outcome. But that's what it is: a story. At this stage, you really don't know what is going to happen, so I think it's really important that you deal with what you DO know, and try very hard to stop your mind inventing steps and stages that haven't yet happened. Often what you fear doesn't happen, and what you haven't even thought about does happen. Either way, we somehow find the strength and the support of those around us to get through this nightmare. And it is a nightmare, but you are not alone.
I was diagnosed with an 11mm grade 2 tumour in June 2013. It hadn't spread, and I had a mastectomy and reconstruction. No chemo necessary. I've chosen not to take Tamoxifen as my cancer is 'low risk' and the oncologist told me that I was 'most likely' cured with the mastectomy. So try to just hang in there, stick with the positive information you've been given. If your ultrasound suggests it's localised, you should focus on that. 14mm is not a big tumour either.
One other thing:
When I was having a biopsy, a lovely nurse said to me: You must just take this one step at a time. So I did. Got through two operations and focused only on that. Got through the physical recovery and focused only on that. Got off HRT and focused only on that. Now I'm dealing with the emotional fallout of the whole thing and am getting through that. I firmly believe that we can't get our heads around this whole trip at one time - it would be too overwhelming.
So please just try to take it one day at a time. Try saying "I'm parking that" if your mind starts spinning out. Try to focus on the things in life that are still beautiful. Your kids. Nature. Sunshine. Flowers. Music. Whatever it is in life that you love and that is important to you. it will still be there when you come out the other end of all of this, and it can really sustain you in the meantime.
And look after yourself. I meditate and do yoga, and found that really helpful. I also treated myself to some lovely soap and body lotion, and found it was good to look after my body as well as my mind and spirit.
Just hang on in there Mandy. You will get through this. You will find the strength. You will fall over sometimes - we all do - but you will get up again. And you'll find incredible support from the ladies on this site. I think they're like a flight of guardian angels, and we all need those, don't we!
Best of luck, Pam
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Lol Mandy,I understand exactly where you are coming from.Being a nurse makes it worse I think.My son is a nurse,and in the beginning he would read something into everything!!!Mandy,I had myself dead and buried before I even saw the surgeon,!!I I had a swollen lymph node that I convinced myself was the cancer spreading(and it wasn't)and it was actually my daughter who sat me down one day and helped me to calm myself down,and take things one step at a time,when I had some actual answers, and not imaginary ones!You will get through this Mandy.Its not long until Tuesday:)0
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So sorry you are joining us here but the stories and advice you can access here are a fantastic help as you face this uncertain time.
THE best advice, as the ladies have already given, is to take it one step at a time. This is what I did and it keeps you calm and able to help yourself. I wanted to do everything I could to help my body handle the breast cancer and treatment so this is what I focused on.
I was scared but knew that panicking was not going to help. I read quality info on this site (my journey kit ) and government sites and could then trust that the care and advice of my surgeon and oncologist was great. I then concentrated on keeping myself as fit and healthy as possible to cope with the surgery and treatment.
I concentrated on each step and here I am 6 months later, mastectomy of left breast, 18 weeks of chemo and 23/25 radiation treatments done. My body has survived this and I feel fit and healthy again. I go back to the oncologist this week to find out about hormone therapy.
My tumor was 30 mm and I had DCIS of 30 mm as well. The cancer had spread to 5 lymph nodes and was classed as Grade 2. But with treatment I now have an 81% chance of never having a recurrence. Along with a healthy lifestyle I can improve my chances to around that of the general population once more!
I am wishing you all the best as you begin this detour in life. I have found the advice from ladies on this site has helped to get me through my detour and I am about to rejoin the highway again. Let us know how you go. Take care of yourself and let others help.
Deanne xxxx0 -
Thank you ladies, it is really helping to read your comments. I have always had an over active mind and in the past, when I had ante natal depression, it was one of my worst enemies. At this time I could not stop thinking about dying, so you think I would have learnt my lesson!! Just because I think it doesn't make it true!
The bit Im hating at the moment. apart from the unknown, is the impact it is having on my family. My daughter has spent her first night away from home of her own volition. She has always been to afraid to sleep over at friends and I feel that is because she doesn't want to see me worry.
How do you pull those big girl panties up and move forward? What a challenge!!
One part of me can't wait to see the surgeon to get some more information, but one part of me is petrified to hear more bad news. I'm not looking forward to all the scans and things....assuming that's what they do to check it hasn't spread.
Thanks for all the love ladies.xxxxx
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I was diagnosed on 08/10 - but due to the tumour being within 3mm of my implant biopsy must wait until Monday, results Tuesday. Nasty, aggressive and large combined in a sentence with cancer wasn't what I wanted to hear. Mandy, I feel for you, and while I can't offer any advice I offer my best wishes and luck with the journey ahead.0
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Good luck for Monday KTCC. I think you can take heart from all the comments here. The beginning of the 'journey' is probably THE most scary times.
Love to you
Janey xxx0 -
I love Deanne's analogy that we are on a detour. I think that is a really good way of looking at this. I always thought that this 'journey' has derailed me and I need to get back on track. There have been a series of speed humps and hurdles I've had to get over but I believe I have some smoother travelling ahead. I was diagnosed just before last Xmas and when I was told those awful words, I was convinced I would not see the next Xmas. I didn't join this network until May but since then, I believe my sanity has been saved being a part of this wonderful group of women.
I have read many posts over the time I've been a member from newly diagnosed women who have been scared out of their wits at what could be ahead of them. Before very long, these same women now support and encourage other newbies and telling them that they will get through this. It won't be long before you will be posting your own encourage words.
As has been said, and it's one of my favourite sayings, take things "One Day At A Time".
Lots of love Janey xxx
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Hi Mandy
You have defo found the best site for love & heaps of support from our connectedness!
Janey is fab.....one day at a time!
I was diagnosed with same type as you end of September....3.8cm invasive dcis....no lymph node involvement...had mastectomy (small boob!) & had first round of chemo last week (Robyn is 3 weeks ahead of me!)
I have 2 young children & when they told me I had invasive BC I thought my life was over! How could my children grow up with no Mum?
2 days after my diagnosis my own beautiful Mum passed away (not from cancer)...I felt my world had caved in!
This wonderful site has helped me deal with so many issues.....& I know it will be a great source of help for you too Mandy.
Wishing you the best...Jenny x
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Hi Mandy
You have defo found the best site for love & heaps of support from our connectedness!
Janey is fab.....one day at a time!
I was diagnosed with same type as you end of September....3.8cm invasive dcis....no lymph node involvement...had mastectomy (small boob!) & had first round of chemo last week (Robyn is 3 weeks ahead of me!)
I have 2 young children & when they told me I had invasive BC I thought my life was over! How could my children grow up with no Mum?
2 days after my diagnosis my own beautiful Mum passed away (not from cancer)...I felt my world had caved in!
This wonderful site has helped me deal with so many issues.....& I know it will be a great source of help for you too Mandy.
Wishing you the best...Jenny x
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Thank you Janey. I think I need to stop my obsessive google searching and get back to Bridget Jones' diary on the kindle. I can see my own diary now - weight 65kg (acceptable), oral intake - 2 cups green tea (vg), alcoholic units -1 sniff (excellent), calories 0 (excellent but due to inability to eat from worry).
It beats those tears that keep trying to seep out. Xx0 -
I too am a nurse - worked a lot with breast ca surgery in NSW, tram flaps, expanders, mastectomies - and now in ICU see the exceptions rather than the norm. It does make it worse - especially as a lot of people assume you'll know all there is to know....but you don't...but that nurse mind just keeps ticking and planning if it's A to then I can do so and so, or if it's B such and such. The only benefit I have so far found is the ability to look at reliable information in the net....and that isn't even a comfort having seen my USS. Hugs and love to you. Xx
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hi there; can definitly relate--ages ago i worked in palliative care but really didnt conteimplate my own death that much; and once told of diagnosis and probably chemotherapy (not done) i fainted and then later saw myself in a coffin! I think there is a role for medication --it is difficult to go through treatments and live with a life threatening illness--no matter what the odds- i also found it useful to talk everyday to my partner and gave him coaching not to advise or to fix. The treatment makes you anxious but waiting for the treatment is worse--and you get on the treadmill and somehow you do get your head around it--and then some days back to familiar fear. Feeling good about your treatment team is important for me; and also i find these websites useful but also un nerving at times--someone will go 'thankgod i dont have lymph node involvemnt..and i think...i do; at times i find it seems like im in the minority not having chemotherapy so i find some research on the web about this useful for me;
all the best!
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Hi there I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer a couple of weeks ago. I'm 41 with 2 kids, well a 17 yr old and 19 yr old so not sure they are kids anymore
I am having a double mastectomy and reconstruction with expanders on the 22 nd November with sentinel node biopsy. I would be really grateful if anyone can offer any advice on what to expect and if there is anything I can do for a speedy recovery xxx 0
