Hi Guys

Kys82
Kys82 Member Posts: 11
edited August 2013 in Newly diagnosed

Just a quick intro about me. I have only just been diagnosed with breast cancer. I found out on the 31st of July 2013 at 31 years of age.

Last week I had a lumpectomy and tomorrow I find out what I'm looking at.

I would love any advice anyone could give me on how to help young children cope with this life changing event. I have decided to be up front with them and not hide this. Has anyone done this and am I doing the right thing by them?

Thank you

Kys

 

Comments

  • -Samantha-
    -Samantha- Member Posts: 61
    edited March 2015

    Hi Kys,

    Sorry to hear you've had a bc diagnosis, but you've come to the right place, hopefull you'll meet lots of great girls with lots of great advice and friendship.

    I was diagnosed at 37 with my youngest daughter 5 at the time. We had the same outlook, upfront (age appropriate) and dont hide things if you can help it. Firstly let me recommend a book to you that I SWEAR by for the kids.... http://www.bcna.org.au/store/products/my-mum-has-breast-cancer here is the link. It was PERFECT!

    We made a few mistakes along the way in trying to hide things from them (mainly the 1st few days after Chemo, when I was the sickest) but mostly were up front.

    I tried to continually ask them how they felt about certain things. My 15 year old kept alot to herself but my 5 year old was more up front, "Mum, can you wear your wig when you pick me up from school, cos the kids stare"....so, fair enough, I did! That sort of thing.

    Let us know how you go with your lumpectomy results and good luck!

    Sam x

  • -Samantha-
    -Samantha- Member Posts: 61
    edited March 2015

    Hi Kys,

    Sorry to hear you've had a bc diagnosis, but you've come to the right place, hopefull you'll meet lots of great girls with lots of great advice and friendship.

    I was diagnosed at 37 with my youngest daughter 5 at the time. We had the same outlook, upfront (age appropriate) and dont hide things if you can help it. Firstly let me recommend a book to you that I SWEAR by for the kids.... http://www.bcna.org.au/store/products/my-mum-has-breast-cancer here is the link. It was PERFECT!

    We made a few mistakes along the way in trying to hide things from them (mainly the 1st few days after Chemo, when I was the sickest) but mostly were up front.

    I tried to continually ask them how they felt about certain things. My 15 year old kept alot to herself but my 5 year old was more up front, "Mum, can you wear your wig when you pick me up from school, cos the kids stare"....so, fair enough, I did! That sort of thing.

    Let us know how you go with your lumpectomy results and good luck!

    Sam x

  • juliegl
    juliegl Member Posts: 31
    edited March 2015
    Sorry to hear of your situation. We prayed with our kids when I found out because my daughter just raised money for some cancer charity and knew that people died from it. I just said that some people die but we are going to pray that I won't die. Then I kept as much as possible for life to be normal. Fellow school mums would help with pick ups and drop offs. Lots of friends and family around which meant lots of time with cousins which they just loved and other kids to play with. Got to church most Sundays. Most teachers were amazed at how well the kids did cope. So it's not all bad. With the chemo I warned them that I would lose my hair and that I'd need to wear a wig and scarves and beanies. I got a great wig and they were happy with that. Protective of me still though. On the whole it was positive then negative.

    Hope this helps
  • juliegl
    juliegl Member Posts: 31
    edited March 2015
    Sorry to hear of your situation. We prayed with our kids when I found out because my daughter just raised money for some cancer charity and knew that people died from it. I just said that some people die but we are going to pray that I won't die. Then I kept as much as possible for life to be normal. Fellow school mums would help with pick ups and drop offs. Lots of friends and family around which meant lots of time with cousins which they just loved and other kids to play with. Got to church most Sundays. Most teachers were amazed at how well the kids did cope. So it's not all bad. With the chemo I warned them that I would lose my hair and that I'd need to wear a wig and scarves and beanies. I got a great wig and they were happy with that. Protective of me still though. On the whole it was positive then negative.

    Hope this helps
  • juliegl
    juliegl Member Posts: 31
    edited March 2015
    Lots of us are on the Young pink sisters face book page. It's a private group. Lots of whining and celebrating and venting and asking advice is done there and its fun too. I encourage you to join it.

    thanks
    Julie
  • juliegl
    juliegl Member Posts: 31
    edited March 2015
    Lots of us are on the Young pink sisters face book page. It's a private group. Lots of whining and celebrating and venting and asking advice is done there and its fun too. I encourage you to join it.

    thanks
    Julie
  • juliegl
    juliegl Member Posts: 31
    edited March 2015
    Lots of us are on the Young pink sisters face book page. It's a private group. Lots of whining and celebrating and venting and asking advice is done there and its fun too. I encourage you to join it.

    thanks
    Julie
  • Kys82
    Kys82 Member Posts: 11
    edited March 2015

    Thanks for your response's. Your info will help me big time. I don't know any other young mum's with bc to get advice on how to handle this. I just wanted to know I was doing the right thing by my kids. I have joined your facebook page so you will see me pop up soon.

     Found out that my bc has not spread to my lymph nodes and that my margin of saftey was all clear. My bc is a grade 3 Triple negative and I will start chemo in approx 4 weeks. I'm glad I have a break for awhile before chemo starts.

    Thanks again guys

    xoxo Kys

  • Cherylek
    Cherylek Member Posts: 197 ✭
    edited March 2015
    Hi Kys, definitely tell the kids. We made sure they were all together (3boys) and told them in simple terms Mum has cancer and explained what was going to happen. Gotten through the worst of it and now fourth week of radiology. A couple of times they gotten confused and thought something different to what we've told them, but overall they have been good. Cheryle :)
  • Kys82
    Kys82 Member Posts: 11
    edited March 2015

    Hi Cheryle, I'm happy your through the worst of it. Thanks for your response. I feel better hearing from women like yourself and others that have been upfront with your children and they have coped with that approach.

    Take care

    Kys 

  • Kys82
    Kys82 Member Posts: 11
    edited March 2015

    Sam thanks for the advice on the book. I have it on order. I find out next week what treatment I will be having. No doubt I wil have questions for you after that. Thanks again.

    Kys

  • Emma T
    Emma T Member Posts: 42 ✭
    edited March 2015

    Hi Kys,

    Firstly, welcome to this amazing online community and secondly, very sorry we are having to meet you this way.  

    I hope your treatment is going well and you haven't been too sick.  I think you are definitely doing the right thing with including your treatment in this journey.  I was diagnosed at 34 years with 2 young daughters, aged 5 and 2 at the time.  I was devastated :(  I can honestly say that my girls were a fabulous distraction and my hubby and I both decided very early on that we weren't going to hide anything from them.  We talked about Chemotherapy and subsequent hair loss and found the book 'Safina and the Hat Tree' to be fantastic!!!

    If you would like to read a little more about my journey please feel free :)  Please visit emmataylorsjourney.blogpost.com

    xxxx

  • Emma T
    Emma T Member Posts: 42 ✭
    edited March 2015

    Hi Kys,

    Firstly, welcome to this amazing online community and secondly, very sorry we are having to meet you this way.  

    I hope your treatment is going well and you haven't been too sick.  I think you are definitely doing the right thing with including your treatment in this journey.  I was diagnosed at 34 years with 2 young daughters, aged 5 and 2 at the time.  I was devastated :(  I can honestly say that my girls were a fabulous distraction and my hubby and I both decided very early on that we weren't going to hide anything from them.  We talked about Chemotherapy and subsequent hair loss and found the book 'Safina and the Hat Tree' to be fantastic!!!

    If you would like to read a little more about my journey please feel free :)  Please visit emmataylorsjourney.blogpost.com

    xxxx

  • Emma T
    Emma T Member Posts: 42 ✭
    edited March 2015

    Sorry Kys, my previous message was meant to say 'doing the right thing with including your CHILDREN in this journey' (not the word treatment!). xxx

  • Emma T
    Emma T Member Posts: 42 ✭
    edited March 2015

    Sorry Kys, my previous message was meant to say 'doing the right thing with including your CHILDREN in this journey' (not the word treatment!). xxx

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