I just thought I would start a post about silly things people have said to you or told you as you have been on this BC journey. This has started after I read a letter to the editor if the Sunday Telegraph implying BC is the "sexy" cancer. A work colleague told me when I returned to work after 11 months of treatment "you're lucky as you got to have all that time off work"..... Clearly I was living the life of luxury drinking cocktails on the beach. What silly or insensitive comments have people made to you ??? Mel xxx

When I was first diagnosed and still at work, a colleague came up to me and said she'd just heard and how awful this was for me. She then proceeded to tell me that two of her close friends had 'died' from breast cancer. Just what I wanted to hear when I was about to start this journey! My sister-in-law also tells that a little girl she is tutoring is worse off than me as 'she is so young' and I've lived a longer life than this little girl is going to be able to. Every time she sees me she tells me how this little girl is doing so badly. Is this supposed to make me feel better? It is sooooo irritating. I've visited my work colleague when I've been well enough to have lunch with them at the uni where we work. I was told by one male colleague "how well you look, you're getting through chemo so well aren't you". I guess people are just trying to be nice but what they don't know is that it takes a good deal of time and effort to put on make up, draw on my eyebrows, put colour in my face and cover up my bald head with a scarf. I just nodded and smiled (gritting my teeth). But the thing that irked me the most (and I've posted this before) was when a 'stand in' Oncologist (when my Onc was away) told me that the side effects I was experiencing from Docetaxel were all 'manageable', I could have kicked him where the sun don't shine. I'd have liked to see him MANAGE. It's astounding what people say. Well now that I've had my little vent, I feel better :) Love Janey xxx

Mmmmmmmmm where do I start. Lets start with my very lovable and compassionate NOT male!!!!! oncologist telling me at my last visit with him that he hates dealing with females with breast caancer because they always have so many bloody issues.Meaning menopause, loss of libido, dry nether regions etc. etc. etc. Obviously not something him as a macho fat balding and very overweight male wants to have to bother himself with. He said following telling me the results of my PET scan is that I have told you that you are cancer free so what else do you want from me. Ummmmmm a little bit of that so called bedside manner that you men who play god get paid for. Not gunna happen with this man that is for sure. I am sooooo very pleased that I am not married to that lovely man!!!! mmmmmmmmm Mich xoxoxo

I'd be definitely asking for another oncologist. What an absolute b............d. How dare he take that attitude. Sounds like he's in the wrong profession and needs a good boot in the ...........s. Much love Janey xxx

I just saw this on another blog and it made me laugh. The blogger wrote..... "What you need are what Mad Magazine used to call “Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions”: 1. “What kind of cancer do you have?” “The highly contagious kind. Don’t breathe in.” 2. “Are you in great pain?” “Only while talking to you.” 3. “Did God give you this disease?” “No, I got it from Lance Armstrong.” 4. “Was Chemo difficult for you?” “Not other than the nausea, vomiting, bone pain & neuropathy.” 5. “Why haven’t you lost weight?” “I’ve got ‘chocolate-coated’ cancer.” 6. “I had a relative who died from cancer.” “Lucky guy — I’m stuck talking to you.” Remember — you can get away with being cranky — you’re on drugs, and you’re sick!" I thought this was classic stuff! Hope you all get a laugh too. Janey xxx

Silly things people have said to you

skarch33
Member
11 years ago
Hi jocee -loved the new word invention of 'lesbianic' -it sounds like some form of weird worship rather than a lifestyle choice!

I think we could invent new words too -'how are you feeling?' -'brordinary' (broken/ordinary) - let's try a few!!

My hair is still very thinnish and salt/pepper grey -it was long thick and mostly brown but a good friend said her mum had some amazing changes -from what mine is to dark brown curls (she used to be straight light brown) and had now got perfect ringlets in dark brown after 5 years! It's a little like a weird surprise waiting to see what will happen.
fionaf
Member
11 years ago
What a dreadful comment - I love my pixie cut and am often told how chic and stylish I look and in fact I feel extremely feminine - I just don't let the small minded people bother me - so here's to loving pixie cuts:)
fionaf
Member
11 years ago
What a dreadful comment - I love my pixie cut and am often told how chic and stylish I look and in fact I feel extremely feminine - I just don't let the small minded people bother me - so here's to loving pixie cuts:)
fionaf
Member
11 years ago
What a dreadful comment - I love my pixie cut and am often told how chic and stylish I look and in fact I feel extremely feminine - I just don't let the small minded people bother me - so here's to loving pixie cuts:)
jocee
Member
11 years ago
When I expressed my sadness about my bald head, my sister said, "you are so lucky you get to have a pixie cut now".

Anyway, now that I finally have a "pixie cut", I went to the website of a young woman who demonstrated how she styles her post chemo hair to feel more feminine. And looking down at the comments, I see that someone has said that this is not a good hairstyle because it looks way too "lesbianic".
kdq
Member
12 years ago
Yes, I can also say that the "Oh you look so well! Your skin looks amazing!" and "Your hair looks great!' comments really started wearing thin but the corker for me was when I returned to work part time and a collegue came up to me, patted me on the back and said "Are you all better now?" I had started on Tamoxifen and was really struggling with mood swings and volcanic PMT-like symptoms and I could have ripped her head off! I look back now and shake my head in disbelief that any woman could be so patronising and naive. Oh well thankfully for every thoughtless comment there are many other supportive ones!
skarch33
Member
12 years ago
Had a great one the other day. My 2IC at work was handing out the 'Tea money' bill -$60 for the year if you are full-time. I have been off work for 2 1/2 Terms and she handed it to me ans said 'You may not have to pay the whole thing. I think you've been away a bit??" Now you'd think that as a Year 1 teacher the Deputy may have noticed I wasn't there!! I just walked away and cracked up laughing. So now some other colleagues are laughing with me -'Did you enjoy your tropical island? We thought you'd been missing a little..."etc Oh deary me!
skarch33
Member
12 years ago
Had a great one the other day. My 2IC at work was handing out the 'Tea money' bill -$60 for the year if you are full-time. I have been off work for 2 1/2 Terms and she handed it to me ans said 'You may not have to pay the whole thing. I think you've been away a bit??" Now you'd think that as a Year 1 teacher the Deputy may have noticed I wasn't there!! I just walked away and cracked up laughing. So now some other colleagues are laughing with me -'Did you enjoy your tropical island? We thought you'd been missing a little..."etc Oh deary me!
skarch33
Member
12 years ago
I must admit that so many comments rang so many ways. I realised that we make a huge effort and put a lot of energy into 'presenting' ourselves when going out to work, shops, social things or whatever and people do say "You look well" if they can. It has me starting to answer now "Yes I look fine and am getting my energy back BUT. . I spend a lot of time resting at home and there are still many things I can't do that I thought I would be able to do again now. So. .I'm 'getting there' slowly" I often have to take a step back myself and say 'stop and look after yourself'

Often you don't think of things to say until you are back home. I don't want to tell my story to everyone who asks and after all these months I'm sure many are sick of overhearing any explanations.

And I also find myself looking at other women with the short, grey hair and sometimes we exchange a look -you can tell if it is a little nod of acknowledgment "yep -been there, best wishes" with no words said -a tiny spiritual connection in the world to help us!

Also had a friend say 'I'm joking but I wish I could have had all that time off' -and now I realised that all of us here have been having cocktails and massages on some tropical island (boy I thought it was just yukky chemo and radiation -got my facts wrong there!) -ahh ya gotta laugh!

Smiles to all :) Sue
skarch33
Member
12 years ago
I must admit that so many comments rang so many ways. I realised that we make a huge effort and put a lot of energy into 'presenting' ourselves when going out to work, shops, social things or whatever and people do say "You look well" if they can. It has me starting to answer now "Yes I look fine and am getting my energy back BUT. . I spend a lot of time resting at home and there are still many things I can't do that I thought I would be able to do again now. So. .I'm 'getting there' slowly" I often have to take a step back myself and say 'stop and look after yourself'

Often you don't think of things to say until you are back home. I don't want to tell my story to everyone who asks and after all these months I'm sure many are sick of overhearing any explanations.

And I also find myself looking at other women with the short, grey hair and sometimes we exchange a look -you can tell if it is a little nod of acknowledgment "yep -been there, best wishes" with no words said -a tiny spiritual connection in the world to help us!

Also had a friend say 'I'm joking but I wish I could have had all that time off' -and now I realised that all of us here have been having cocktails and massages on some tropical island (boy I thought it was just yukky chemo and radiation -got my facts wrong there!) -ahh ya gotta laugh!

Smiles to all :) Sue