Silly things people have said to you
This has started after I read a letter to the editor if the Sunday Telegraph implying BC is the "sexy" cancer.
A work colleague told me when I returned to work after 11 months of treatment "you're lucky as you got to have all that time off work"..... Clearly I was living the life of luxury drinking cocktails on the beach.
What silly or insensitive comments have people made to you ???
Mel xxx
Comments
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When I was first diagnosed and still at work, a colleague came up to me and said she'd just heard and how awful this was for me. She then proceeded to tell me that two of her close friends had 'died' from breast cancer. Just what I wanted to hear when I was about to start this journey!
My sister-in-law also tells that a little girl she is tutoring is worse off than me as 'she is so young' and I've lived a longer life than this little girl is going to be able to. Every time she sees me she tells me how this little girl is doing so badly. Is this supposed to make me feel better? It is sooooo irritating.
I've visited my work colleague when I've been well enough to have lunch with them at the uni where we work. I was told by one male colleague "how well you look, you're getting through chemo so well aren't you". I guess people are just trying to be nice but what they don't know is that it takes a good deal of time and effort to put on make up, draw on my eyebrows, put colour in my face and cover up my bald head with a scarf. I just nodded and smiled (gritting my teeth).
But the thing that irked me the most (and I've posted this before) was when a 'stand in' Oncologist (when my Onc was away) told me that the side effects I was experiencing from Docetaxel were all 'manageable', I could have kicked him where the sun don't shine. I'd have liked to see him MANAGE.
It's astounding what people say.
Well now that I've had my little vent, I feel better
Love
Janey xxx0 -
When I was first diagnosed and still at work, a colleague came up to me and said she'd just heard and how awful this was for me. She then proceeded to tell me that two of her close friends had 'died' from breast cancer. Just what I wanted to hear when I was about to start this journey!
My sister-in-law also tells that a little girl she is tutoring is worse off than me as 'she is so young' and I've lived a longer life than this little girl is going to be able to. Every time she sees me she tells me how this little girl is doing so badly. Is this supposed to make me feel better? It is sooooo irritating.
I've visited my work colleague when I've been well enough to have lunch with them at the uni where we work. I was told by one male colleague "how well you look, you're getting through chemo so well aren't you". I guess people are just trying to be nice but what they don't know is that it takes a good deal of time and effort to put on make up, draw on my eyebrows, put colour in my face and cover up my bald head with a scarf. I just nodded and smiled (gritting my teeth).
But the thing that irked me the most (and I've posted this before) was when a 'stand in' Oncologist (when my Onc was away) told me that the side effects I was experiencing from Docetaxel were all 'manageable', I could have kicked him where the sun don't shine. I'd have liked to see him MANAGE.
It's astounding what people say.
Well now that I've had my little vent, I feel better
Love
Janey xxx0 -
Mmmmmmmmm where do I start.
Lets start with my very lovable and compassionate NOT male!!!!! oncologist telling me at my last visit with him that he hates dealing with females with breast caancer because they always have so many bloody issues.Meaning menopause, loss of libido, dry nether regions etc. etc. etc. Obviously not something him as a macho fat balding and very overweight male wants to have to bother himself with.
He said following telling me the results of my PET scan is that I have told you that you are cancer free so what else do you want from me.
Ummmmmm a little bit of that so called bedside manner that you men who play god get paid for. Not gunna happen with this man that is for sure.
I am sooooo very pleased that I am not married to that lovely man!!!! mmmmmmmmm
Mich xoxoxo
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I'd be definitely asking for another oncologist. What an absolute b............d. How dare he take that attitude. Sounds like he's in the wrong profession and needs a good boot in the ...........s.
Much love
Janey xxx
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I just saw this on another blog and it made me laugh. The blogger wrote.....
"What you need are what Mad Magazine used to call “Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions”:
1. “What kind of cancer do you have?” “The highly contagious kind. Don’t breathe in.”
2. “Are you in great pain?” “Only while talking to you.”
3. “Did God give you this disease?” “No, I got it from Lance Armstrong.”
4. “Was Chemo difficult for you?” “Not other than the nausea, vomiting, bone pain & neuropathy.”
5. “Why haven’t you lost weight?” “I’ve got ‘chocolate-coated’ cancer.”
6. “I had a relative who died from cancer.” “Lucky guy — I’m stuck talking to you.”
Remember — you can get away with being cranky — you’re on drugs, and you’re sick!"
I thought this was classic stuff!
Hope you all get a laugh too.
Janey xxx
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I had someone tell me that if you have Chemo through a port rather than a cannula then you won't lose your hair. Obviously no understanding of the process of Chemo and the real cause of hair loss. Even though I tried to explain I could tell that they thought I just did not know what I was talking about! Not sure how they got this idea but they were totally convinced they were right.
Sometimes you've just got to let them think what they want to but I did get very frustrated! Deanne 0 -
I had someone tell me that if you have Chemo through a port rather than a cannula then you won't lose your hair. Obviously no understanding of the process of Chemo and the real cause of hair loss. Even though I tried to explain I could tell that they thought I just did not know what I was talking about! Not sure how they got this idea but they were totally convinced they were right.
Sometimes you've just got to let them think what they want to but I did get very frustrated! Deanne 0 -
Hi Melg, this is a wonderful blog, we can focus on stupid people instead of stupid bc.
I always did my hair and make up, as I have done for 30odd years.
I have lost a bit of weight and my pants are falling off.
Boob so sore from Radiation, and I am so tired.
But hey, my best friend said to me:
"Your not really sick are you!"
Dumb S...t
I also had the Breast Care Nurse refering to my cancer as a splinter in a thumb, you wouldn't cut off your thumb for a splinter, I told her if it was toxic and trying to kill me I would. Strange analagy for a bcn??
VivW
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Love it! Especially No. 6! I got this response from a so-called 'close' cousin, and when I quickly said that I was fit and strong and fighting it, she said "so was XXX... but it had no effect..."
My cousin wonders why I don't call her. It's because she is stupid. I've heard she had told people that I want to be the centre of attention. My God - this kind of attention we can do without - bc is not a picnic.
One thing about this journey - you find out who your friends are, and fortunately I have many of those and a wonderful family.
A vent occasionally does us good, and I loved your post.
Michelle xx
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What a charmer! I seem to remember he has been a pain in the a--- from the start. Loved your description of him and read it out to my husband, who laughed out loud. Isn't there anyone else, Mich? This idiot crosses the line.
Hope they have gotten to the bottom of your feeling so unwell. Lots of love, Michelle xxx
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Hey Michelle
I will see him for the last time next week as he has been working with me to check out my symptoms with the Femara. So the only thing I can thank him for is I have found I can't blame Femara for a lot of my pain as he had me go off it for 6 weeks and then back on it now for six weeks by the time I see him. So he has done one good thing. He also got the PET scan organised for me and I now know I am supposedly totally free of cancer so I can thank him for that BUT as a man in his particular profession I wouldn't give him the time of day. My GP is organising for me to see someone different after next week. I am very limited on who I can see because I live rural and we have to have visiting oncologists come up. Makes it a bit hard sometimes. I am willing to travel the 400klms if necessary to see someone else.
I haven't got any answers to my being unwell yet. Surgeon said it may have been an infection following all my procedures and my body was able to fight it off. He said infections can occur anytime following surgery or procedures. I am not sure of his idea but it is one I can run with I guess???? I have also had a couple of Bowen sessions which may or may not have stirred up all the toxins I have in my body and that had made me unwell. I have an appt with Bowen Therapist tomorrow to run it past her. Mystery illnesses are not good. I will definitely keep you updated if we ever get to the bottom of it.
Hope you are doing well.
Lots of love always, Mich xoox
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I find I need to vent quite a lot lately. Hmmmmmm......
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Good luck today with you Bowen therapist - hope you can get some info. If it was an active infection your PET scan would have lit up like a Christmas tree, or so my surgeon told me when I had a staff infection. As it was clear, you must have fought off any infection with that wonderful strength of yours.
Let us know if your therapist can cast any light for you. Thinking of you. Lots of love, Michelle xx
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Putting some of the comments I get into perspective - I have advanced BC - some call this terminal, others life limiting, some incurable - basically, I've got mets in my lungs and I have been told I will die from the disease:
- oldest friend said "everyone has a purpose in life, perhaps this is yours."
- "just be positive and stay strong"
- "but you look fine, you'll be ok"
- "how did you catch it?"
- upon asking child psychologist whether my daughter would cope better if the trauma were to end, if I were to die? - answer "yes"
- you're lucky it's breast cancer
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If I hear this one more time "You look fantastic with short hair, and your natural colour really suits you" This is what I think when I get this one " Yeh right, so you go cut all your hair off and colour it grey then" The other one over the phone "You sound great!" and I think to myself "well isnt that lucky my vocal chords never let me down!" But the No 1 thing I hated hearing was "Just let me know if there is anything I can do!" (by the way, no one did a thing when they said that one!)
My oncologist "Well if its gonna happen....it will happen to you!" and completing my treatment "You can do anything, as long as youre not jumping out of a play!" oh and " Joint pain, thats just a co-incidence" So much compassion, so little time!
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