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Farewell my friend...

Gayle TaylorGayle Taylor Member Posts: 93
edited March 2013 in General discussion

Today, 20/3/2013 at midday, my friend in battle lost hers. Sue Salisbury was an amazing strong woman who fought long and hard. Diagnosed 6 years ago, in remission after two years, and reappeared 18 months ago, around the same time as me. We live in the same town, and became friends as we sat side by side in chemo and made friends with our radiation stay at Centenery House. My heart is heavy, but more so for her wonderful husband Phil. watching him over the past two weeks wheel his lady around in a chair to get some shopping items, or chemist pick up and touching her the whole time, little rubs on the shoulders, a gentle nuzzle with his face to hers, it was obvious he was hanging onto every little bit he could. She became toxic last week, her skin a dirty brown, her eyes bright yellow, her body became thin, but her legs swollen with fluid, it was apparent her liver and kidneys had given up. I last spoke to her and Phil on a mission at the chemist to get some pressure stockings for her legs, but they didnt have her size, she was annoyed and just wanted to get them hoping her legs would go down. It was sad, seeing her frustrated, she had hope that if they subsided she would feel better. That was monday morning, by that afternoon, her breathing had become worse, and she was admitted. It hurts me to think she knew this was it.

How do you face that moment? How does someone who is breathing their last breaths prepare to leave. My other friend Jill, was with her. She told Phil to go and have a sleep in another room last night, he'd been with her the last few days, napping in a chair. She woke Phil at lunch time, and told him to go and see her, and to tell her he loves her very much, and that its ok to go now. He did.

I reflect on my initial diagnoses 12 months ago, " You have less than 3 months to live Gayle, we need to get this cancer out and under control, but theres still no guarentee. im sorry"... words from my Dr. Im having survivor guilt at the moment, but I know that will pass. She told me when I announced my remission that i was to be happy, because she was!

I loved her, my little mate, 49, and full of mischief, and I will miss her smiley face!!! RIP Sue xxxx

 

Comments

  • Leonie MooreLeonie Moore Member Posts: 1,470
    edited March 2015

    Cry, cry and cry as much as you can then out you go and live life to the fullest - for you and for your friend Sue.  My thoughts are with you. XLeonie

  • Leonie MooreLeonie Moore Member Posts: 1,470
    edited March 2015

    Cry, cry and cry as much as you can then out you go and live life to the fullest - for you and for your friend Sue.  My thoughts are with you. XLeonie

  • Leonie MooreLeonie Moore Member Posts: 1,470
    edited March 2015

    Cry, cry and cry as much as you can then out you go and live life to the fullest - for you and for your friend Sue.  My thoughts are with you. XLeonie

  • Mich xMich x Member Posts: 1,530
    edited March 2015

    Hey Gayle

    I am so so sorry for your loss. Losing someone we love is so very hard. My heart goes out to Sue's husband and her loved ones.

    Thank you for sharing with us so hopefully we can lend you some support during your sad time.

    You must in time pick up the pieces and carry on with your life that you have been blessed with and do whatever makes you happy.

    I have a lil plaque a dear friend gave me on my window sill which just simply says make sure you do something that makes you happy today. And I do. It can be the biggest or smallest of things but it is for me and it makes me happy for however long. Shame we need a reminder to be happy every day isn't it.

    You have been blessed to have known this beautiful mischevious friend and I know she would want you to go on living your life to the fullest.

    Sending you my love, Mich xoxo

  • Gayle TaylorGayle Taylor Member Posts: 93
    edited March 2015

    Your story sounded the same as mine. I saw sue on monday, yellow, frail, but she seemed happy to be out shopping and speaking to the people she knows in the community hub shopping centre. I hugged her, told her id catch her at the RSL for our usual 1st monday of the month cancer group lunch, but on my way home, had this thing going around in my head, ...days, just days away now..... and it was.

    Its had me thinking most of the night, and day, What happens when we say goodbye to our loved ones, when we're dieing? What do we see? You know, like when we go to sleep at niht, we close our eyes, drift off to sleep... and then open our eyes, and we're awake! But for those 5-8 hours in between, where its black, and we don't recall anything, unless we're woken up suddenly, ... where do we go??

    I had an NDE once, from a car accident in 1986, I saw the light, I was sitting on the edge of a tunnel, looking down on myself being moved around on an x-ray table, and i had alot of nurses and Dr's around me, they were busy. I sat looking down from above somewhere, at the edge of this tunnel. I was relaxed, and felt so calm, and at peace with myself. I recall looking to my left at the light, it was a long way away, and then i said "I'll be alright"... i woke up 8 days later in hospital in intensive care. I was a mess. But when I was moved to a room a few days later, the Dr told me i had died twice, I asked was it in the x-ray room, he said yes, and seemed stunned, I said i thought so. He said maybe he heard someone say it when i was intensive care coming out of the induced coma. Strange, but true. I wonder, if Sue was where i was, and she went to that light. I know, she would have felt peaceful. Bless xxx

  • MandaMooMandaMoo Member Posts: 500
    edited March 2015
    Gayle I am so sorry for your loss. You have so eloquently shared your emotions and I am also so grateful to hear of your NDE. I too wonder how I will feel when it is time to go. Whenever I have contemplated it or meditated on it I feel an overrwhelming sense of loneliness so I hope it is not that but a peaceful leaving.
    Thank you and I send you wishes for your grieving - may you feel peace.
    A xx
  • MandaMooMandaMoo Member Posts: 500
    edited March 2015
    Gayle I am so sorry for your loss. You have so eloquently shared your emotions and I am also so grateful to hear of your NDE. I too wonder how I will feel when it is time to go. Whenever I have contemplated it or meditated on it I feel an overrwhelming sense of loneliness so I hope it is not that but a peaceful leaving.
    Thank you and I send you wishes for your grieving - may you feel peace.
    A xx
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