Hi all It has been a while since I have posted anything as I have been in a bit of a funk.... Finished rads early this month and my skin has healed well although on some parts of the breast it it feels a bit reptilian though I'm sure that will improve in time. My fatigue levels have improved and I decided to go back to work this week, just to try to get some sort of normality back into my life (oh and to help pay the bills that keep stuffing my letterbox)...well it has not gone to plan for me, I'm not sure what is going on as I am not sure where my confidence has gone.....people at work have been lovely and very welcoming, my line manager has been very understanding but I am not my usual self. I had a meeting with my manager today to discuss a back to work program and I ended up in tears......for god sake that is just not me at all. So just what is wrong with me..... Has anyone else experienced this - or is it just me ? Georgie

Hi Georgie, i think nearly everyone on here can relate to what you are going through, i for one was like this, we have gone through the treament highs and lows, so what have we got to feel crap about now. WE HAVE DONE IT.... Well that's how we think we should think NOT. I cried at the drop of a hat, Then i went for a routine appointment with my surgeon, and sat ofnthe chair, he asked how i was and YEP burst into tears for no reason. He then informed me i had depression. WHO ME NO WAY!!!!! He explained that a lot of women have this AFTER treatment, and suggested anti depressants.... NO WAY I"M STRONG!!! he did advice me to try them for one year, So I took the prescription and left it in a drawer for a couple of weeks, while still bawling and feeling no confidence in myself. Then my husband suggested (very sheepishly), maybe i should try them, so i did. the best thing i did, I took them for a year exact and knew i was feeling one hundred percent and came off them, that was 3 years ago, and i am lucky i have had no problems with moods, so Long story short, maybe you just need to talk to your doctor and see what he can do for you, The moral of this story is you are still healing from a long hard journey, so take things slowly and ask for help when its needed. Take Care of yourself

I understand that post treatment we are all potentially open to anxiety and depression as we transition from "treatment normal" to "everyday normal". My oncologist went through this with me at the beginning and said he would follow up with me post radiation. I've still got 4 chemos and the rads so I will have to wait and see. I do remember reading that another pink chick talking about it. Roslyn Mitchell is her name. Perhaps you can link with her and ask her how she is dealing with it. Be gentle on yourself. Take care.

Hi Georgie I had a similar issue when I went back to work after I finished chemo and radiotherapy. Apart from the fatigue I would burst into tears at the drop of a hat - some work mates were very supportive, some acted as though nothing had happened, some just wanted to tell me about their breast cancer experiences but had no interest listening to me or sharing mine. I was tired, emotional, resentful about having to work, anxious about my future and not keen to try anti depressants as I was worried about what side effects they might have too. Saw my GP and said "I think I'm depressed!" she referred me to a psychologist under a Medicare funded mental health programme. I think I would have gotten better over time on my own but i did find it really therapeutic to see someone who would just let me talk and cry with no judgement made. I think I did 6 or 8 sessions with her. Since then I have also started meditating which has helped me feel calmer, less anxious, more able to live in the moment. I think we all experience the fear and sadness that you are feeling and that's pretty normal after what we're going through but there is help out there and you dont have to try to manage it on your own. I hope my experience might help you a bit Take care Marian

Oh ladies it is like you are me....and live in my head and say and do and feel and have many of the experiences that I do. Thank you all soo much for your responses you make me feel that I'm not losing the plot (well only sometimes but thats ok I've since decided ;) ) I am rethinking many things at this time but not making any major decisions just yet - going back to see my gp on Wed (which is my birthday - the things we do...) to discuss my feelings and the way forward from here. Today I wanted to do something , just anything, but couldn't even write a list so allowed myself a day on the bed reading abook and have decided that tomorrow will be a better day. My parents are driving down from Port douglas to visit for the week and will arrive tomorrow so having Mum and Dad around will be good for me I hope. Thank you all again and I will try to stay in touch. Georgie

what is wrong with me.... | BCNA Online Network

11 Replies

serenity11
Member
13 years ago
So glad you have found some help and some support. And so pleased that you have shared your thoughts with us. I have heard the same story from a few of my pink friends and now as I am about to transition from chemo to radiation and then onwards I am aware of the potential emotional upheaval. Without you all talking about I would probably have tried to dismiss it and cope by myself rather than going back to another doctor, but now I wont. I shall seek help when and if I need it.

Hope your week goes well for you. Take care.
georgiebz
Member
13 years ago
I thought I would post as I have been not so good lately. Finally after weeks of tears, trying to work and not coping, anixety like waking up in the morning and being filled with dread, not eating, trying trying to be strong and just do it, pull myself together and not being able to and then hating myself for it, my best friend and husband made an appointment at a GP for me and after sitting in her room and crying for 30 minutes non stop and apologising for doing so and trying to explain how I felt and not being able to do so, and using a whole box of tissues and then crying because I couldn't find a bin to put them in........

God what a mess......the GP has put me on 10mg cipramil and set up a mental health care plan - I have made an appointment with the pyscologist for tomorrow and for some strange reason I feel calmer today.....I kind of feel like someones got my back and I'm not going completely crazy, GP dx reactive depression.

Georgie
georgiebz
Member
13 years ago
I thought I would post as I have been not so good lately. Finally after weeks of tears, trying to work and not coping, anixety like waking up in the morning and being filled with dread, not eating, trying trying to be strong and just do it, pull myself together and not being able to and then hating myself for it, my best friend and husband made an appointment at a GP for me and after sitting in her room and crying for 30 minutes non stop and apologising for doing so and trying to explain how I felt and not being able to do so, and using a whole box of tissues and then crying because I couldn't find a bin to put them in........

God what a mess......the GP has put me on 10mg cipramil and set up a mental health care plan - I have made an appointment with the pyscologist for tomorrow and for some strange reason I feel calmer today.....I kind of feel like someones got my back and I'm not going completely crazy, GP dx reactive depression.

Georgie
moira1
Member
13 years ago
thanks for posting how you are feeling Georgie, i am sure this will also help others reading it. this post is a case of nothing is Normal on our journey, and goes to show it helps to post things on here even if its just to find out we are not the only ones going mad..... there's loads of us on here the same.... lol Good luck with your doc, and Enjoy your time with your Mum and Dad. XXX
moira1
Member
13 years ago
thanks for posting how you are feeling Georgie, i am sure this will also help others reading it. this post is a case of nothing is Normal on our journey, and goes to show it helps to post things on here even if its just to find out we are not the only ones going mad..... there's loads of us on here the same.... lol Good luck with your doc, and Enjoy your time with your Mum and Dad. XXX
moira1
Member
13 years ago
thanks for posting how you are feeling Georgie, i am sure this will also help others reading it. this post is a case of nothing is Normal on our journey, and goes to show it helps to post things on here even if its just to find out we are not the only ones going mad..... there's loads of us on here the same.... lol Good luck with your doc, and Enjoy your time with your Mum and Dad. XXX
georgiebz
Member
13 years ago
Oh ladies it is like you are me....and live in my head and say and do and feel and have many of the experiences that I do. Thank you all soo much for your responses you make me feel that I'm not losing the plot (well only sometimes but thats ok I've since decided ;) ) I am rethinking many things at this time but not making any major decisions just yet - going back to see my gp on Wed (which is my birthday - the things we do...) to discuss my feelings and the way forward from here. Today I wanted to do something , just anything, but couldn't even write a list so allowed myself a day on the bed reading abook and have decided that tomorrow will be a better day. My parents are driving down from Port douglas to visit for the week and will arrive tomorrow so having Mum and Dad around will be good for me I hope.

Thank you all again and I will try to stay in touch. Georgie
MarianG
Member
13 years ago
Hi Georgie I had a similar issue when I went back to work after I finished chemo and radiotherapy. Apart from the fatigue I would burst into tears at the drop of a hat - some work mates were very supportive, some acted as though nothing had happened, some just wanted to tell me about their breast cancer experiences but had no interest listening to me or sharing mine. I was tired, emotional, resentful about having to work, anxious about my future and not keen to try anti depressants as I was worried about what side effects they might have too. Saw my GP and said "I think I'm depressed!" she referred me to a psychologist under a Medicare funded mental health programme. I think I would have gotten better over time on my own but i did find it really therapeutic to see someone who would just let me talk and cry with no judgement made. I think I did 6 or 8 sessions with her. Since then I have also started meditating which has helped me feel calmer, less anxious, more able to live in the moment. I think we all experience the fear and sadness that you are feeling and that's pretty normal after what we're going through but there is help out there and you dont have to try to manage it on your own. I hope my experience might help you a bit Take care Marian
serenity11
Member
13 years ago
I understand that post treatment we are all potentially open to anxiety and depression as we transition from "treatment normal" to "everyday normal". My oncologist went through this with me at the beginning and said he would follow up with me post radiation. I've still got 4 chemos and the rads so I will have to wait and see.

I do remember reading that another pink chick talking about it. Roslyn Mitchell is her name. Perhaps you can link with her and ask her how she is dealing with it.

Be gentle on yourself. Take care.
serenity11
Member
13 years ago
I understand that post treatment we are all potentially open to anxiety and depression as we transition from "treatment normal" to "everyday normal". My oncologist went through this with me at the beginning and said he would follow up with me post radiation. I've still got 4 chemos and the rads so I will have to wait and see.

I do remember reading that another pink chick talking about it. Roslyn Mitchell is her name. Perhaps you can link with her and ask her how she is dealing with it.

Be gentle on yourself. Take care.