A Cup-One no longer two.
I have decided to opt for a single mastectomy Wednesday 25th July 2012.
I have always been an A-cup bra size- but from Wednesday I will just be "A cup". A single cup- no longer two. Although I was teased for being flat chested by family as a teen, now in my 40's my breasts have sagged a bit giving them some definition and I have really felt good about them over the last couple of years. They seem to have softened and aged more gracefully than the rest of me and upon "naked reflection" I now consider them be the most attractive part of my body. Being practical, I will give up one to prolong my life.
My decision not to have reconstruction has been met with compassion and understanding. Actually I think most people felt (and some said) it's not going to make a lot of difference and no-one will really notice. That is probably true.I was given the option to enlarge both, but I just don't think I would feel like me.
This is what it comes down to. I want to feel like me- on the inside. I don't want to have to hide what I look like nor the scars of what my life's journey have left on me, to make other people feel comfortable. I have to be able to live with myself and everyone deserves equally to have the choice of not having reconstruction.
My breasts have performed well to supply my two children with milk and I am grateful to them and I will miss my right breast with its birthmark actually I might miss the birthmark more as I have had it forever!
(I expressed for three months for my son who could not breast feed and my husband actually asked me as sson as he heard the diagnosis if I thought it was all that pumping with the machine that caused the breast cancer! LOL!)
Comments
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Hi its a daunting decision to make the shock of cancer is daunting enough. It sounds like you have come to terms with your decision.Which is one choice we never thought we would have to make.
Like you i am an A cup i had a mastectomey without reconstruction.Wearing clothes noone can tell.seeing myself naked i am always reminded by my scar of what i have been through and survived.
My breasts also have done their job breast feeding my two boys.It was a shock to find i had to lose my breast but a relief the cancer was cut out..with clear margins.However i had to have my lymph nodes removed.due to cancer in 6 of them.
I wish you all the best for your surgery.Keep up your great attitude.Take care
Annie x0 -
Hi Annie
First of all I am not familiar with blogging so although I am intending for my response to be personal and to be private, I don't actually know if this message is private or automatically posted! LOL.
It was WONDERFUL for you to have taken the time to respond with your own experience and so COMFORTING for me to know that I am not the only one that has chosen this path. I had no intention to write a post but this group looked like it needed some support! ... I needed some support too, so I am most grateful for your reply.
I am wondering, how are you now, Annie? How long ago was it that you had your operation?
Thank you for your kind wishes. I also wish you, all the best for your health, happiness and your boys. xx
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Hi firstly this is message has gone public.To send a private message you have to add someone to your contacts.when they accept then you can send private messages.Im not quite techno savy either.
I was diagnosed nearly 2 years ago.with stage 3 and lymph node involvement her 2 positive and hormone positive.Im not sure what type of cancer you have so not sure if my treatment plan will be the same as yours.
I had mastectomey 9 mnths of chemo with 12 months of herception, 6 weeks of radiation and now on Aromison for 5 years plus.Ive recently had my ovaries removed. I was 40 when i found out.
I wont lie its been a long battle.Although ive had all my treatment and have no cancer its taken a toll on me physicaly and mentaly.I feel physicaly aged about 10 years.
Im hoping for you theyve caught yours early and your treatment plan will be a lot less.
But ive made it thus far and appreciate life a lot differant than before.
you will meet so many beautiful people along the way.Doctors nurses and people going through the same as you.Its a blessing that i cant explain.I hope ive helped u somewhat.
Lots of strength being sent your way.
Annie x0 -
Hi firstly this is message has gone public.To send a private message you have to add someone to your contacts.when they accept then you can send private messages.Im not quite techno savy either.
I was diagnosed nearly 2 years ago.with stage 3 and lymph node involvement her 2 positive and hormone positive.Im not sure what type of cancer you have so not sure if my treatment plan will be the same as yours.
I had mastectomey 9 mnths of chemo with 12 months of herception, 6 weeks of radiation and now on Aromison for 5 years plus.Ive recently had my ovaries removed. I was 40 when i found out.
I wont lie its been a long battle.Although ive had all my treatment and have no cancer its taken a toll on me physicaly and mentaly.I feel physicaly aged about 10 years.
Im hoping for you theyve caught yours early and your treatment plan will be a lot less.
But ive made it thus far and appreciate life a lot differant than before.
you will meet so many beautiful people along the way.Doctors nurses and people going through the same as you.Its a blessing that i cant explain.I hope ive helped u somewhat.
Lots of strength being sent your way.
Annie x0 -
Thankyou and good luck for wednesday.I know exactly how you feel.Is an anxious wait.Then waiting on the results is even worse! there is a lot of waiting on this journey so be warned.Thankyou for taking time to think of me when you are going through so much right now. where are you having your surgery?
Fingers crossed for a quick recovery and great pathology results x0 -
Thankyou and good luck for wednesday.I know exactly how you feel.Is an anxious wait.Then waiting on the results is even worse! there is a lot of waiting on this journey so be warned.Thankyou for taking time to think of me when you are going through so much right now. where are you having your surgery?
Fingers crossed for a quick recovery and great pathology results x0 -
Annie, YEAH! The waiting is exhausting, which is part of the reason I am opting for a mastectomy. Especially as from the infomation I have been given it is quote "at least grade 2 invasive (IDC)" .
What do you do to help yourself get through?
Thanks again for the kind wishes x
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Ive been thinking of you.Hope all went ok with your surgery and your recovery is going well.take care annie x0
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Ive been thinking of you.Hope all went ok with your surgery and your recovery is going well.take care annie x0
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Thank you Annie
MRI showed 2 other lumps15mm&5mm. Have had 4lymph nodes taken. Are waiting on results-tomorrow?Will probably be having surgery to take further nodes Monday- feel good that I didnt have reconstruction..
Hope you are having a good day-I am being well looked after and loving not having to cook!0 -
Apparently surgeons just have their personal way ofapproaching each case. I heard that this is the calm before the storm so am trying to relax -ha- as much as possible. So weird to think I have cancer. Even with one breast gone I just dont really believe it! wish all it took was surgery.0
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How are you feeling today? did you get results?0
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Hi Annie Thanks for keeping in contact. I got great results- well from my perspective they were- no further surgery need as they got it all& it is oestrogen based? Came home with drip Friday. Had drip removed when I had it checked at hospital yesterday. Have no night sweats so am sleeping better than I have for over two years. Pain managable. Husband&Friends have been amazing. Even a small argument with hubby seemed to have purpose and meaning! I really hate being unable to do things but am forcing myself to let others help. Shed a few tears after showering but that was more from exhaustion than sadness. I still feel like me- even with one breast. So am extremely pleased with the choice of no reconstruction!
I am trying not to think of the wait to hear what the treatment will be. Cancer turns everything upside down&inside out..Do you ever feel like you were too well behaved and too polite& nice before your world was gate-crashed by cancer?
Who supports you through all of your treatments?
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Hi, I am so glad you didnt need further surgery and they got it all.Thats one step in a positive outcome.Once you have your treatment plan at least you have something to focus on.
Yes pre cancer everything i did was in order to please everyone else.How that changes and im not that same push over girl anymore.Ive learnt to say no.And i have been humbled in order to ask for help.Though i dont need help now im a lot stronger mentally than i have been before.Just my body lets me down now.Im only 41 but cant do what i used to do.Fitness is going to take a long time to get back.If ever!!!
You will be amazed at how much support you get .My Mum who is like my best friend, my 10 year old son and my sister who lived near where i had treatment were always there with me.
I had to travel 3 hours each way for surgeries chemo and had to be away from home for 6 weeks to do radiation.I would drive down for chemo and mum would drive back.
You also meet people doing the same treatment each week.Their is a bond that forms.These people you trade stories with how each of you are coping.They become a positve in your little world.It makes it easier that you are not doing this alone.I actualy used to look forward to seeing them and i still keep in contact with a couple.
The nurses are the most beautiful people in the whole world.They are there for every step of the journey.They help to make you feel comfortable ,find you support services if needed , answer all your doubts and become very close to you.
You will be fine there is good days and bad.Yor mind is the hardest to train its amazing how much your body can withstand.Cancer gets all consuming in your head.I found i had to research it and read about it as much as i could.Im still quite consumed with cancer in my head im not sure if that will ever go away.Dont try to hide your thoughts and feelings i found honesty with myself and those around me was the only way i could deal with it.I wanted to punch people that would say "just stay positive". I was positive but i couldnt be every second of the day when the pain or nausea set it.But you are given so many medications to help you along the way.
there is a lot of positives along the way and a lot of negatives.Just remember this is about you and you have to do the best you can to get through it.Its a hard journey ahead but you can do it!!!!!
Thinking of you Annie x
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Hi, I am so glad you didnt need further surgery and they got it all.Thats one step in a positive outcome.Once you have your treatment plan at least you have something to focus on.
Yes pre cancer everything i did was in order to please everyone else.How that changes and im not that same push over girl anymore.Ive learnt to say no.And i have been humbled in order to ask for help.Though i dont need help now im a lot stronger mentally than i have been before.Just my body lets me down now.Im only 41 but cant do what i used to do.Fitness is going to take a long time to get back.If ever!!!
You will be amazed at how much support you get .My Mum who is like my best friend, my 10 year old son and my sister who lived near where i had treatment were always there with me.
I had to travel 3 hours each way for surgeries chemo and had to be away from home for 6 weeks to do radiation.I would drive down for chemo and mum would drive back.
You also meet people doing the same treatment each week.Their is a bond that forms.These people you trade stories with how each of you are coping.They become a positve in your little world.It makes it easier that you are not doing this alone.I actualy used to look forward to seeing them and i still keep in contact with a couple.
The nurses are the most beautiful people in the whole world.They are there for every step of the journey.They help to make you feel comfortable ,find you support services if needed , answer all your doubts and become very close to you.
You will be fine there is good days and bad.Yor mind is the hardest to train its amazing how much your body can withstand.Cancer gets all consuming in your head.I found i had to research it and read about it as much as i could.Im still quite consumed with cancer in my head im not sure if that will ever go away.Dont try to hide your thoughts and feelings i found honesty with myself and those around me was the only way i could deal with it.I wanted to punch people that would say "just stay positive". I was positive but i couldnt be every second of the day when the pain or nausea set it.But you are given so many medications to help you along the way.
there is a lot of positives along the way and a lot of negatives.Just remember this is about you and you have to do the best you can to get through it.Its a hard journey ahead but you can do it!!!!!
Thinking of you Annie x
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