Frowny Face
It's slumpy time. In a few days I am having TC number 3. The 1st time I reacted to the Taxotere (I'm pretty sure I've already said all this somewhere here, but I'll say it again). It was shortness of breath. The nurses shut down the infusion and bunged a ventolin mask on me. Once I had regained normal breathing, they continued with the infusion but more slowly. Then the 2nd time, I had a very quick and more intense reaction of shortness of breath. It was clear then that I had an allergy to Taxotere, and they did not continue the infusion that day (just the Cyclophosphamide). I spoke to my oncologist last week about it, and he said I still need to be on the Taxotere, so instead of prepping the day before with 2x dexamethasone in the morning, 2 at night and then 2 the morning of chemo, I am now to have 5 the night before (with 2 lorazepam so I can sleep) and 5 the morning of.
I am terrified about Friday. I don't know what's worse - having the reaction or the notion of not being able to have the Taxotere again. On one hand, I am afraid of not being able to breathe again, and on the other I am afraid of not getting the treatment I need to kill any cancer cells. As a result of this I am upset, dizzy, anxious and my loneliness is really hurting. Especially at night. I am single now (separated) and the other night I was so lonely I asked my ex to come over and keep me company. He stayed on the couch (there is sooooooo nothing happening), and I was grateful for the company.
My best friend is coming over today after asking her to. My anxiety is worse when I am alone, but I feel embarrassed to ask my friends to come over. I do not have enough energy (physical or mental) to go to work, and I've been sleeping in a lot. I can feel my energy draining from my body. I used to run up my 3 flights of stairs. Now I have to pause at the top of the 1st flight to prepare for the rest.
And now I'm just whinging and rambling. That must be another symptom of chemo...
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Update: I have just spoken to my boss and decided it's best not to commit to working until after my chemo is over. She went through BC last year and she understands my anxieties about it all. I don't cry much but I hung up from her bawling my eyes out. I love my job and I miss it and feel very out of the loop. She said I should come in for lunch one day and keep in touch. I haven't lost my job, just put it on hold. My uncle and my cousin have been extremely generous and have given me rent money (I didn't ask for it). I don't dare to think where my head would be right now if I didn't have that to take care of my rent for me.
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Hi Joey,
I so understand your anixety and how scary the journey ahead is.
Like you, I'm having TC chemo. Unlike you, I haven't reacted to it. But I've been in hosp all wkend and still in as my white cell count has dropped & I spiked a high temp. Plus my Dr advised that in one of my blood tests , my levels were raised so now freaking out (& trying not to) abt what the chemo is doing to my body! I don't want to finish this course of treatment & then have to deal with something else not working right.
You must have a gd enough relationship with your ex for him to come over & provide you with some support which is great. I think your friends will want to help and support you if you told them what you need from them. I have started to say 'yes' to offers of help. Could your friends help with practicals like meals, laundry, errands & of course, just company?
Do wish you all the best with next TC. You will be well looked after.
All the best, Jacqui0 -
Hi Joey,
I so understand your anixety and how scary the journey ahead is.
Like you, I'm having TC chemo. Unlike you, I haven't reacted to it. But I've been in hosp all wkend and still in as my white cell count has dropped & I spiked a high temp. Plus my Dr advised that in one of my blood tests , my levels were raised so now freaking out (& trying not to) abt what the chemo is doing to my body! I don't want to finish this course of treatment & then have to deal with something else not working right.
You must have a gd enough relationship with your ex for him to come over & provide you with some support which is great. I think your friends will want to help and support you if you told them what you need from them. I have started to say 'yes' to offers of help. Could your friends help with practicals like meals, laundry, errands & of course, just company?
Do wish you all the best with next TC. You will be well looked after.
All the best, Jacqui0 -
Hi Joey
I know how you feel about being alone , I need to have people around me all the time at the moment takes my mind off the whole cancer thing.I don't think freinds realise just popping in for a coffee and a chat makes a big difference to your day or coming to spend the day with you after chemo would be such a big help ! Yes the text messages are nice but seeing them in person would be nicer.
I have also opted to not return to work until after all my treatments are done , glad to hear that you have family helping you out with money .... thats the last thing you need to worry about !
I had my third chemo today feel like crap...and i have three to go YUCK
Hope your feeling better good luck with chemo
Pip x
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Hi Joey,
As the others have said WE UNDERSTAND! This whole thing sucks I agree. I suffered from anxiety before I got breast cancer, so I wasn't surprised that I had days of feeling really low last chemo round. I am going in for round 2 of chemo tomorrow (FEC) and still have 3 rounds of Taxotere ahead of me! But as I keep telling myself, it is the chemo that makes us go loopy for a while - and we WILL feel good again soon!
I wish you well and try to take all this just one day at a time...
Take care, Natalie
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Hi Joey,
Not sure if it will help or not - but I had reactions to 3 out of the 4 TC chemos that I had. Each time they stopped the infusion, gave me phenergen and then restarted and I was fine. My Onc wanted me to change regimes for the last cycle but I refused as I 'knew what to expect'. I got the same nurse I had the first time and she started the drip off SLOWLY - and no reaction at all! I think they just bung it on sometimes and it really just needs to be started slowly.
I hope all is going well with you - there are definitely many ups and downs along the treatment path.
Mel xx
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Had chemo # 3 yesterday and turns out they had decided to change to Taxol instead of Taxotere. I don't recall the oncologist saying that, and it makes me feel really stupid but maybe I misread what he said when I spoke to him. So (I thought) all that anxiety and panic for nothing.
All went well, even the phenergan didn't bother me as much after all the stuff they gave me to prep. After I got home, my legs were a llittle jittery so I suggested a little stroll around the block. Mum and I had a walk up my main street and I even bought a pair of shoes (my first ever wedges, spectacular!!!) and a toy for my cats, and even half a chook from the chook shop. After that, I can't say I remember much. I developed a migraine, slurred speech and was very wobbly. Once home I took myself off to bed and Mum called the day oncology nurse, who suggested I go to the closest emergency department, which was The Alfred (where I used to work in the ED as a ward clerk, so I wasn't too happy about that).
I had a brain CT. Nothing. Well, yes there was a brain but no cancer. "It hasn't spread" I kept saying, but they were being sooooo cautious. The nurses kept checking all my neurological signs and were concerned that I couldn't walk a straight line. I wanted so desperately to go home and bawled my eyes out uncontrollably. Poor Mum must have felt terrible. I made her go home because I was so worried about my cats that I told her to leave and go give them cuddles.
I told the nurse I wanted discharge myself, so she went and got the best looking ED reg with the cutest accent to come and change my mind. He promised me temazepam. So his tactic worked. I agreed to stay the night. Then I never saw him again. Typical.
It was a horrible night. The neurologist came and saw me and then finally, in the morning, the oncology reg came and we shared our appreciation for a good shoe bargain. Along with our bond over sweet sweet foot fashion, she was also my saviour, as she had actually done her homework and found that an uncommon and little documented side effect of Taxol was migraine and wobbliness (she used a far smarter language than I, but I am now overcooking in chemo juices so cannot be expected to think of everything).
She recommended that I be allowed to go home and when the neurology reg came back shortly thereafter, she discharged me and I was finally home at about 2pm.
And yes my cats were extremely happy to see their mummy. I missed them so!
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Had chemo # 3 yesterday and turns out they had decided to change to Taxol instead of Taxotere. I don't recall the oncologist saying that, and it makes me feel really stupid but maybe I misread what he said when I spoke to him. So (I thought) all that anxiety and panic for nothing.
All went well, even the phenergan didn't bother me as much after all the stuff they gave me to prep. After I got home, my legs were a llittle jittery so I suggested a little stroll around the block. Mum and I had a walk up my main street and I even bought a pair of shoes (my first ever wedges, spectacular!!!) and a toy for my cats, and even half a chook from the chook shop. After that, I can't say I remember much. I developed a migraine, slurred speech and was very wobbly. Once home I took myself off to bed and Mum called the day oncology nurse, who suggested I go to the closest emergency department, which was The Alfred (where I used to work in the ED as a ward clerk, so I wasn't too happy about that).
I had a brain CT. Nothing. Well, yes there was a brain but no cancer. "It hasn't spread" I kept saying, but they were being sooooo cautious. The nurses kept checking all my neurological signs and were concerned that I couldn't walk a straight line. I wanted so desperately to go home and bawled my eyes out uncontrollably. Poor Mum must have felt terrible. I made her go home because I was so worried about my cats that I told her to leave and go give them cuddles.
I told the nurse I wanted discharge myself, so she went and got the best looking ED reg with the cutest accent to come and change my mind. He promised me temazepam. So his tactic worked. I agreed to stay the night. Then I never saw him again. Typical.
It was a horrible night. The neurologist came and saw me and then finally, in the morning, the oncology reg came and we shared our appreciation for a good shoe bargain. Along with our bond over sweet sweet foot fashion, she was also my saviour, as she had actually done her homework and found that an uncommon and little documented side effect of Taxol was migraine and wobbliness (she used a far smarter language than I, but I am now overcooking in chemo juices so cannot be expected to think of everything).
She recommended that I be allowed to go home and when the neurology reg came back shortly thereafter, she discharged me and I was finally home at about 2pm.
And yes my cats were extremely happy to see their mummy. I missed them so!
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Hi Joey, glad you are back home now with your babies! Now rest up after all your traumas and look after yourself. Have you got just one more to go?0
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Wow Joey,you sure know how to whoop it up on chemo! I can remember having such a bad headache for a few days after having Docitaxel.I was crying and thought my head would explode.So I rang the oncology unit(as we are told) and the nurse said go to your GP. I didn't bother cos I thought poor GP is only going to send me to onc unit/hospital.I couldn't even get out of bed anyway so just took some panadiene and pulled the doona over my head and hoped for the best.You poor thing,you must have felt dreadful and then to have to have scans etc.no wonder you were crying.Oh and your poor mum-what a trooper she is-give her a hug for me.Now don't go wearing those new wedge shoes till you get over the wobbly legs. I am so glad you are not working cos chemo is sooo unpredictable and you need +++rest.
Tonya xx
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Yes Julie. One more to go after this. Now I've got your average, run-of-the-mill side effects: numb lips, numb legs, nausea, extreme fatigue.
Thanks Tonya. If it was up to me I never would have even called the oncology nurses but you know what Mums are like! Oh and yes, the shoe-loving oncology reg recommended I wait to break those babies in
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Yes Julie. One more to go after this. Now I've got your average, run-of-the-mill side effects: numb lips, numb legs, nausea, extreme fatigue.
Thanks Tonya. If it was up to me I never would have even called the oncology nurses but you know what Mums are like! Oh and yes, the shoe-loving oncology reg recommended I wait to break those babies in
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