Old habits die hard

cranky_granny
cranky_granny Member Posts: 914 ✭
edited May 1 in Now what? The highs and lows of survivorship
When am I going to learn to say no
I have to try and remember I don’t owe my employers my health/ sanity
had the scans blood test and see oncology tomorrow morning. Get an email and text from the boss can I work Friday. Instead of saying no straight up I left the answer open.  After saying since last drs appointment that I was having additional scans etc and wont be working till the Monday after. 
For some strange reason this has got me down. 
Got to really retrain my brain. To the word NO 
Rant Over for now. 
«1

Comments

  • AllyJay
    AllyJay Member Posts: 957 ✭
    What I told my hubby was that if he dropped dead that day, they would have him replaced within a week or fortnight. That seemed to resonate with him and he ended up taking an early retirement (by two years). They whinged and whined, gnashed their teeth, rended their garments and daubed themselves with ash, but he stood his ground. Within a fortnight, his position had been filled.
  • FLClover
    FLClover Member Posts: 1,580 ✭
    Boy do I feel you!!! We HAVE GOT to start using that word ‘no’ a whole lot more!!! 
  • Cath62
    Cath62 Member Posts: 1,483 ✭
    Say no @cranky_granny. You deserve better and with scans etc you definitely don't need to work. 

    Good luck with the scans. Thinking of you xx
  • cranky_granny
    cranky_granny Member Posts: 914 ✭
    @AllyJay I will probably have to do this in the end. Don’t get me wrong I like my job I just want to do it on my terms after 25 years I have built up a substantial client base I’ve been letting them know that I am not going working forever. 
    Ive gone from full time to dropping a day a year since getting the mets diagnosis. Ive also been trying to use up my long service leave and holiday pay 
  • Cath62
    Cath62 Member Posts: 1,483 ✭
    Love that Facebook quote. I am going to save that so I remember it too. I am finding saying no much easier since my mets diagnosis. I am more and more inclined to say no to anything that doesn't feel right for me. It feels so good doing this too. 
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 8,198 ✭
    Gosh @cranky_granny - what an ungrateful lot your bosses are!  You've been busting a gut to work around your treatments & scans for them - and this is how they react!!   

    I know that you 'like' your job - but it really is essential that you put YOU first in this case!  xx.   You are SO CLOSE to your retirement 'date' just now .... I reckon (if you can afford to), you should bring it forward & start doing what YOU want to do from now on, and not worry about what THEY want you to do!  

    As @AllyJay said - they WILL replace you as soon as you DO leave - so there is no need for you feeling 'irresponsible' for leaving (BTW, that's why they give you holidays - so you already 'know' that they can 'do without you' ....)

    And you've been keeping them up to date with your treatments & scans since your mets diagnosis - so it is hardly a surprise that you now need to look after No 1 - YOU xxx

    take care & all the best for the scans xx
  • Afraser
    Afraser Member Posts: 4,450 ✭
    Saying No is fine, to preserve what’s important to you, to consider your own needs rather than simply bowing to the needs of others. But remember to say Yes too, to
    new experiences, different ways of doing, assistance and shared outcomes. At any time. 
  • GorgyS
    GorgyS Member Posts: 154 ✭

    Although I work for a 'good' organization, I checked my rights before requesting to work from home after six months on personal/sick leave. I like to do things by the book. All the information I found is on the BCNA website: Employers' Legal Rights and Responsibilities (bcna.org.au). I even sent this link to our HR and my manager. I politely say 'NO' when I need time off for treatments. I also requested a detailed work plan with progress updates. Seriously, how can anyone think that we would rather go for treatment than work as 'normal people'.?  @cranky_granny Please say 'NO' without hesitation or feeling down because of it. I have learned this and am still learning. So far, I have great understanding by my employer. 

  • GorgyS
    GorgyS Member Posts: 154 ✭
    100% agree with you @cranky_granny. When I was diagnosed in September last year, I had 7 months of sick leave, 3 months of LSL and 2 months of Annual leave. These are accrued through 18 years of commitment to one organization. Immediately I went on 6 months sick leave and after that requested working from home. I want to save my long service leave and annual leave for uncertainty ahead. I will retire anyway in 2 years as I will be 67. My health has been my priority for the first time in my life. I am comfortable with saying NO to my family and my employer. Their expectations can be unrealistic because I do not show always what I am going through but when needed I will tell them before I say NO. Who on earth prefers going through cancer treatment over work? 
  • GorgyS
    GorgyS Member Posts: 154 ✭
    edited May 2


    I was wondering what happened with my messages. Seemed to me that they did not go through, and I kept sending them again. Apologies 
  • Mez_BCNA
    Mez_BCNA Administrator, Staff, Member, Moderator Posts: 1,144 ✭
    Hi @GorgyS sometimes the 'spam' filter picks posts up for some reason, we let them through so may have been double up however didn't want to miss any of your message. Love seeing your support and all of the wonderful members above  :)
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 8,198 ✭
    xxx.  Good on you & Take care, @cranky_granny
    Bummer about the news - remember that we are 'with you' on this shit show xxx.  

  • Locksley
    Locksley Member Posts: 978 ✭
    @cranky_granny definitely look after you first.  Say no.   Sending you hugs.  Xxx

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