Im sorry in advance, I'm really struggling tonight. My question might he disturbing so I warn anyone if I come on too much. So my question is, if refusing all treatment and live for as happy and as fot how long, is that considered as selfish or worse still SI?? I'm sorry it's so heavy, but I feel heavy with this option 


  • Afraser
    Afraser Member Posts: 4,392
    In the final analysis, everyone has the right to live as you wish. As far as is humanly possible, you don’t want to realise you have made a big mistake far too late. With the benefit of hindsight (and no guarantees about the future) my time during treatment is as nothing to the ten years (almost) I have had since. All the more precious as I might not have had them. Think of treatment as an investment in the future. You spent far more time at school! 
  • Cora
    Cora Member Posts: 110
    Yeah, sounds good
     Will consider. Thank you
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,606

    Sounds like you would benefit from counselling 
    Try the BCNA Helpline 


  • Cath62
    Cath62 Member Posts: 1,367
    Hi @Cora, how are you today?

     It's a ride with emotions and that's normal. However not having treatment is a really big thing? You don't know how treatment will go. You may not have side effects and then live till your 100.

    Maybe consider counselling please. The BCNA helpline is good but you could also take to a private counselling service but pick one that deals with breast cancer. 
  • Mez_BCNA
    Mez_BCNA Administrator, Staff, Member, Moderator Posts: 960
    Hi @Cora, I have reached out to you via reply email and hope that the resources suggested provide you with some direction and support. 
  • Fufan
    Fufan Member Posts: 123
    Hi @Cora, and I hope you are feeling ok today.  The suggestions to get counselling are very good advice.  In any case, don’t make your decision too quickly: a week or two may soften your perspective and quite possibly won’t affect the outcome.
    Can I just offer an insight from my daughter, when I was in the throes of chemo?  She thought that maybe it was a bit like childbirth: pretty overwhelming at the time, but quickly forgotten in the greater scheme of things. And, although my hair is so slow to grow, and I still find losing my fingernails very frustrating, she was basically right.  Just an observation.  Take input where you find it, but the decision must be yours. Bon chance!
  • Julez1958
    Julez1958 Member Posts: 1,178
    Hi @Cora
    None of this is easy that’s for sure.
    I had faith in my medical team and followed all their recommendations.
    Mastectomy , radiotherapy and now hormone tablets for at least 5 years.
    I didn’t have to have chemotherapy but would have had it if recommended.
    I think the perspective from @Fufan above is a good one - I am now 2 years down the track from my diagnosis and the terror and anxiety I felt at the time is a receding memory.
    I am having some side effects from the hormone tablets but am determined to do all I can to continue with them as I want to give myself the best chance of survival.
    Take care.
  • GenK
    GenK Member Posts: 65
    It’s your life and choice. I have had loved ones and family who have had cancer, some chose full treatment, some palliative treatment to improve quality of life without aiming for cure, and some chose no treatment. My mother is going for partial treatment, and I understand her decision and accept it, my Nana chose no treatment for melanoma and passed from other causes before it consumed her, my godmother chose full treatment for bowel cancer and still died from it, my peer died at 17 from bone and lung cancer and only had palliative chemo. I guess my point is are you comfortable with your decision? It’s your body and your life, and choosing any or no treatment is your choice and isn’t selfish regardless of that choice. I know in certain circumstances I’d choose no treatment or partial treatment, despite having a child I love dearly who has basically no other blood family. 

    Are you comfortable that your decision feels true to yourself? Would it be helpful discussing your decision and options with a counsellor? If happy with your decision, would you prefer support in helping you share that decision with loved ones? 
    It’s not selfish to do what you feel is best for you, in fact as hard as it can be it’s actually a good thing. Hth 🌺
  • Cora
    Cora Member Posts: 110
    Thankyou for these words of wisdom. There's more, but can't discuss here. I'm on FB