Dating and meeting new people

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Mightystar
Mightystar Member Posts: 34 ✭
in Day to day
I’ve just started dating after my divorce, I was diagnosed just after separation. So no potential suitor has seen the new me in the flesh (although every person in the hospital lol). 
I’m a little nervous! Any advice?
At what point do you tell someone about your diagnosis?

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  • Cath62
    Cath62 Member Posts: 1,279 ✭
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    Hi @Mightystar, I am not in your situation however I don't think you need to say anything on the first few dates.  It is very hard to know at what point you tell a suitor this, so many variables there. When I met my husband he told me on our 3rd date about a health issue. I did need a bit of time to process the information however we talked about it and worked through any concerns. We are still together 12 years later. If a suitor is a decent person and loves you they will love all of you. You are so brave. You have earned your scars and they are part of you. Sending you a virtual hug.
  • Julez1958
    Julez1958 Member Posts: 1,123 ✭
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    Hi I am an old girl (63) and have been with my husband for 30 years so can’t provide any real life advice on your situation.
    I just wanted to say that I agree with @Cath62 that any decent suitor should not be put off by your breast cancer diagnosis and treatment.
    As to when to raise it I wouldn’t until at least you thought the relationship was going somewhere.
    For me back in the day( last century LOL)  that would at  least be the third date.
    There is a private group on here you could join “ Young Women” that might have some good advice.
  • Afraser
    Afraser Member Posts: 4,373 ✭
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    William McInnes wrote a rather delightful book called The Birdwatcher, about love and change and yes, one character has had bc (McInnes’s wife, the writer and film director Sarah Watt, died of bc). Because bc is a big change, we all notice it but we are all changing, all the time. You can’t go into the same river twice. Finding out how someone reacts to change early on may be very useful. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. You’ll know the right time when it comes. 
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,584 ✭
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    I reckon you should just get out there & give it a go, @Mightystar - and good luck to you! .... 

    As the girls say - no need to say anything unless the relationship is 'going somewhere' .....  

    And all the best!!  xx

  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,372 ✭
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    @Mightystar. Right from the start. When I was shopping for a date on the internet I always made some sort of oblique reference to my situation in my profile. Which, admittedly, had upsides and downsides.
    I don't know what your approach is, but a bit like some guy saying he is six foot when he's 5'6", then tells you it doesn't matter, no one like to be blind sided.
    The person who is right for you will be honest and you should be too.
    I found that once I got my disease and the physical effects of it off my chest (sorry) I was a lot more relaxed.
    Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs....mxx








  • Keeping_positive1
    Keeping_positive1 Member Posts: 555 ✭
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    I wouldn't be worried about the guy not liking your symmetrical chest or not!  I would be more concerned if you thought they genuinely liked you or not!  If a guy likes you they won't be worried about whether you have large boobs, small boobs, etc.  , just my opinion. :)

    But then again I am not in the dating game, so I may be completely out of touch in that regard.  I am single, but not looking, so I don't really care what in that regard. I wish you all the success, because you really do deserve a truly loving guy that doesn't care less about your cancer status, and/or history.  Take care. xx

  • HinterlandSian
    HinterlandSian Member Posts: 23 ✭
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    Way to go @Mightystar !  It takes a lot of guts to date these days without the cancer let alone with it.  I've been single for over 10 years now because dating is just so demoralising but am now thinking it would be nice to have a love story before my last chapter, but being metastatic, how do you possibly date with that being a conversation you have to have? I'd feel that leaving that out up front would be dishonest but what guy in his right mind would say "oooh, she sounds like a keeper!" to that?? It's all too hard.
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,584 ✭
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    Don't shut all the doors @HinterlandSian - leave them ajar .... stranger things have been known to happen with the chance meeting of someone - and you deserve just as much happiness and companionship as anyone else xx
  • Mightystar
    Mightystar Member Posts: 34 ✭
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    I hear you @HinterlandSian. I want to be loved for who I am and as I am. It definitely narrows the pool. I’m going into it with the mindset that it’s great to meet new people and no expectations of romantic connections. I’m enjoying being ‘back on the horse’ per se! 
  • Mightystar
    Mightystar Member Posts: 34 ✭
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    @Cath62 sounds amazing, a beautiful love story! Hope I’m just as lucky xx
  • Locksley
    Locksley Member Posts: 915 ✭
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    Wishing you all the best as you put yourself out there @Mightystar.
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,372 ✭
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    @HinterlandSian. Ha. What do any of us expect from a relationship as we age?
     I don't know how old you are, but everyone collects more baggage as the years pass. Your Mets vs his heart condition or impotence due to prostate cancer? Meh. Who's perfect? A decent and caring companion will do. I know that sounds like I'd settle for a dog, but I hope you know what I mean
    Lots of lovely people are languishing out there because they feel they are suboptimal. Not the perfect catch. Which is sad.
    I do think we need to be very careful that noone takes advantage of us. Which means taking things slowly. Anyone who wants to rush needs to be thrown in the bin. 

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